Author Archive Horsehead

You Got It

Who Dat:

TR, EE, HH, Beetlejuice

Knowing the tradition of being assigned the Q upon inquiry via the WAMRAP Slack channel, I attempted a foolish end-around via iMessage.  Deep down in my little heart I knew what was going to happen, but I’ve been slacking myself a bit lately and needed a good Wednesday workout.  So, I texted Alfalfa and “you got it” came back at me pretty quickly.

I got it.



Medium-Large Quatrofish at Traffic Circle #1.  Pax choose 20 reps of a Chest, Leg, Ab, and Wildcard exercise at each leg.  5 burpee center.  Bonus bear crawl the circle after every cycle.  No repeat exercises allowed, so spend those imperial walkers and calf raises wisely.



Slackless EE just shows up and deals with whatever is being dealt.  He puts his head down and just pulls the cart.  What a man.  He has the inlaws staying with him all week, so I think he slept in the parking lot.  His phone kept ringing and he looked as nervous as a one-eyed man surrounded by seagulls.

Beetlejuice (Betelgeuse) kept in good spirits, doing a pro-level mod on a few of the legs.  The best part was watching his headlamp bounce up and down behind the hedges on Leg #4 like an avant-garde prairie dog of the future with all the right gear but a mild case of speluncaphobia.

TR was a nice surprise, like the McRib he is.  What wasn’t a surprise was him skipping pert near all of the exercises.  Never even phased me.  He was nice and spry on the runs though.  Word has it that he’s Boston Ready.   Or maybe Boston Market ready?  Something like that.

Speaking of TR, apparently he threw down the cake for a new washing machine but wouldn’t pony up the extra $25 for delivery and haul-off so now he’s trying to unload (pun intended) a defunct giant front-loader from his upstairs to anyone gullible enough to haul it away.  I think that $25 is going to look pretty good once the wife gets tired of the giant cube in the hallway, but what do I know?

I think we talked about P90X at some point, namely the plyo video where I puked in my bonus room many years ago.  That was awesome.

I was thinking about some things.  We call the workout leaders Qs, also the name of the head of Q Branch with the British Secret Service (the guy who makes the James Bond gadgets).  It also seems to be the name of the mysterious leader of the possum-pelted ruffians who stormed the Capitol and hawked Beech Nut lougies in Nancy Peloci’s secret diary.  Qincidence?  Hmmmm . . .  Strange things are afoot.



There is a 5k to benefit something somewhere.

Also please sign up for the cross-regional-national ironman workout marathon challenge, sponsored by the Calvary Food Pantry.  Workout in all of the US time zones in the same day and get a custom shirt designed by some guy from F3 Cleveland, complete with moisture wicking Drew Carey workout glasses.




Voodoo’s BRR team said we had to write moar backblasts, so hear goez.

Actually, I never stopped writing them.  I just haven’t Q’d much lately.  


7 Skunks – one as funky smelling as his namesake.

Funky Cold, Chicken Wing, Smokey, Stone Cold, Baracus, Chubbs, HH




  • SSH X 25
  • IW X 20
  • Hillbilly X 20
  • Windmill X 10 10 burpees

Set 1 – repeat X 3

  • 2H Swing X 20
  • Lawnmower X 8/S
  • Racked Squat X 4/S
  • KB Merkins X 10/S 10 Burpees

Set 2 – repeat X 3

  • Alternating Swings X 20
  • Clean & Press X 5/S
  • Suitcase Lunge X 5/S
  • Snatch X 5/S 10 Burpees

Set 3 – repeat X 3

  • 1H Swing X 10/S
  • Goblet Squat X 6
  • High Pull X 8/S
  • KB Plank Pullthrough X 10 10 Burpees

1H Swing to Clean to Clean & Press to Snatch complex

Start at 1 rep each arm, then go up by 1 until 5 (or failure), then back down 10 Burpees



This was one of the original 3 “Vevlar” workouts that we powered through when F3 was shut down exactly a year ago.  Stone Cold and I used these over and over to get us through the worst of it.  We tweaked them slightly and each variation ended up at right around 45 mins.   We tried it on Zoom originally, but working out on Zoom might be worse than actual Zoom meetings at work so we ended up just doing them whenever we could.


The playlist was a random “Ultimate 80’s Hit Songs” that I found on Deezer.  We just took in whatever came at us from the speaker.


  • I Don’t Wanna Lose Your Love Tonight (The title says it all)
  • Take On Me (Best. Video. Evar)
  • I’m Walking on Sunshine
  • Physical (definitely a song about exercise)
  • Everybody Wants to Rule the World (Errybody)
  • Eye of the Tiger (hard to have a workout without this one)
  • I Ran (I think we skipped this one)
  • Down Under (vegemite sammich)
  • Black Velvet (like molasses in the sky)
  • Africa (my favorite)
  • Drive (great cooldown song)


Smokey kept complaining about wanting to hear 90’s hairband songs.  I’ll let you in on a little secret.  The Horsehead isn’t really a big fan of the 90’s hairband action.  Bunch of guys in makeup and hairspray wearing tight leather isn’t my jam.  I’ll take the random fashion and awkwardness of the 80’s, but to each his own.

Stone Cold kept texting me before the workout wanting specific terrain details for footwear selection.  We all know he just only wears those Purple Haze knockoff all black shoes that you order from the back page of Prevention Magazines in the doctors office waiting room, so I’m not sure why he tries to put on such a show.

Lois was out.  Visor injury.  Ice up son.

Funky Cold pre-ran, but apparently did not pre &*!@ since he proceeded to &*!@ all over us during the workout.

Baracus wants to start a chubby hubby 9+min pace running club and I’m all in.

Chubbs is 23 years old.  That old Tacoma pickup that I drive to the workouts is 21 years old.

Chicken Wing has the Q next week and promises to write an even better backblast than this.


Word of the Day is Quiddity1) The inherent nature of essence of someone or something or 2) A distinctive feature; a peculiarity.  

Horsehead’s jovial demeanor is as much a quiddity as his giant eyebrow is. 













Merkins on the Back Road

BLC, Clover, Manziel, Geraldo, Chubbs, Mile High, Orange Whip, Tupperware, Brownout(FNG), Marvel, Wormwood, Stinger, Horsehead


13 Kevlarinians for a Q that was most definitely not made up on the fly.  Actually . . .


  • Warmup COP at the Paver Circle
  • Giant Starfish with Burpee Center
  • Merkins on the Back Road (also the title of a rejected Luke Bryan song)
  • 7s on the Hill
  • Gassers on the big field


Tapped for the Kevlar Q this week, which I most gladly accepted.  The old Trapper Keeper was out of pre-canned workouts, but I had this one rolled up in the handle of my Rambo Survival Knife.  I still remember when my pops got me that jewel from the Florence Flea Market.  My buddies and I spent 4 hours trying to cut down a giant oak tree with the stupid little cable saw that hooked to the two keyrings that you put on your fingers and managed to saw through more of our fingers than the tree.  The oak tree was right beside my house, so I’m not sure what our plan was anyways for dropping that bad boy right on the roof.  It’s probably best that it didn’t work out.

We kept it fairly simple, like the Flipper challenges that keep coming out on Slack.  Actually, those things are complicated as all get out.  I think that only one person has ever completed one and he ended up finding One Eye Willie’s hidden treasure stash.  He was so confused at the end that he only took home a backpack full of Baby Ruths #Sloth and now lives in poverty.

Nice fly by from the TigerBall running crew.  TR is looking lean and mean.  I think he orders the grilled nuggets at Chick Fil A.  Nobody else eats those, they are disgusting.  The results speak for themselves though.  He looks like the bearded knight guardian of the Holy Grail on Indiana Jones and Last Crusade, but with a little more color.  I hear they are making a new movie soon.  Harrison Ford is 127 years old and it’s called Raiders of the Lost Remote.

Maybe I should talk about the people who actually came to the workout now that I’m on a roll.  Chubbs is getting pretty fast. He’s like 19 years old though.  He’s priming up for Site Q material.  I wouldn’t answer any texts from Orange Whip if I were him.

BLC is always ready for action.  When the white Dodge rolls up we know what’s up.  Nobody has any idea what he is saying, but we like it that way.  Usually those types of confused stares are reserved for folks listening to me speak, so it’s nice to see it taken to the next level sometimes.

Manziel seemed a bit perplexed by the uneven stairs of death on the hill.  For some reason, he decided to keep running up and down them when literally everyone else at the workout was running on the grassy hill .  There is a good Polish joke in here somewhere, but I’ll let you guys figure it out.

Good to have Stinger out, even though he missed the memo and parked at the old lot.  He pulled an OT and ran around for a while before he caught up with us.  If this were a Metro workout, we would have purposely left you but it’s all hugs and shrugs down here in the South.

Welcome First Time Kevlar poster Tupperware and  FNG Brownout.  Come back out and see us.


That’s all I have time for today.  I’m petitioning for Pluto to regain planet status so I’ll probably be cancelled soon.  It was nice knowing you.


Your friend,

















Two Princes

One, two princes kneel before you
That what I said now
Princes, princes who adore you
Just go ahead now
One has diamonds in his pockets
That’s some bread, now
This one said he wants to buy you rockets
Ain’t in his head, now


Who it was:

Madison, Chicken Wing, Full House, Cage, OT, Christmas, Retread, HH


What it was:

  • Run to Christ Covenant
  • Old Man Warmup
  • Partner Up
  • Run the long loop w/ 100 team merkins
  • Run the Brewsters loop w/ 100 team jump squat
  • Run the big hill route (3x) with 200 team chest tappers
  • Run back to launch
  • 2X gasser time killer
  • Mary with the Peakers – follow commands from the Man with the Mask (sounds familiar)


How it was:

It was cold, that’s how it was.  I’m not sure I ever warmed up.  Parts of my body may never be seen again.

Not a ton of chatter out there . . . friendly group.  All of the hate must funnel over to the Colony Place Teeter on Thursdays for the DST workout, because this is a pretty nice group of chaps.

It was nice working out in the Rona Testing/Vaccination parking lot for a bit.  I think I’ll burn my shoes now.

Fun Fact:  In 9 years of syndication, Hamilton Burger only defeated Perry Mason twice in court.

Gotta run – date night at Showbiz Pizza, where a kid can be a kid.  This neckbeard ain’t gonna comb itself.





your pal,




This is one time where television really fails to capture the true excitement of a large squirrel predicting the weather


Baracus, Hoover, Smokey, Cage, Madison, Lex Luthor, Yeti, Header, Tweetsie, Lois, Chicken Wing, Horsehead

A rowdy dozen braved the chilly air for Groundhog Day Skunk, where we all eagerly anticipated the reaction of Puxtawny Phil, who was nestled deep in the warmth of Hoovers multi-colored beard.  When he finally emerged, he saw his own shadow and peed himself, so we had to end the workout with the same thing we started with.


  • Giant lap around campus for the warmup
  • (20 swings + 10 merkins + 5 burpees ) X 3
  • P1 run large hill, P2 do exercise, flapjack
  • P1 run around church, P2 do exercise
  • Exercises = alt swings, lawmmowers, snatches
  • (20 swings + 10 merkins + 5 burpees ) X 3
  • Finish with another giant lap around campus


Short BB today due to work and spending too much time at the Fahrvergnügen dealer.  Just a few nuggs.


  • Superglue instantly sticks your skin together, trust me.
  • Congrats to Header for his new position as chief praise-giver of team teamwork encouragement visioning
  • Smokey said something about frisbees
  • Lex said something about awesome
  • Running + Kettlebells is a great cardio workout. If you have been putting on the avoirdupois this winter, come on out and see us.


Spackler on Q next week.  The game is afoot.



Blood Mile coming up at SCMS.  Give a pint, run a lap.  Bring the kids.










There’s no way that you came from my loins. Soon as I get home, first thing I’m gonna do is punch yo mamma in da mouth.

Manziel, Whip, Rhapsody, Geraldo, Chubbs, Spyglass, Pine Tar, Honeymoon, Lex, Chopper, Posse, Horsehead

13 at the Kevlar for 12 Days of Christmas Music, set to “A Charlie Brown Christmas”, by the Vince Guaraldi Trio.  Well, at least the first part.

You know the deal, or at least you do now.  12 Day of Christmas – run it through and add a day each time.  Lapsody and OnYourLeft Whip did a bonus round while we finished up.

  •  1 Lap
  • 12 Merkins
  • 12 BB situps
  • 12 Jump Squat
  • 12 Plank Jack
  • 12 Heels to Heaven
  • 12 Peter Parker
  • 12 Flutter
  • 12 Sister Mary Catherine
  • 12 Dolly
  • 12 SSH
  • 12 Burpees


Some boys from “The Haw” (which was apparently nicknamed by Junior Samples) rolled in to get their Passports stamped.  While we ran around in a lighted parking lot, Posse donned a full safety ensemble, with a codpiece geiger counter and a suit of armor fashioned out of aluminum foil.  He didn’t like the Charlie Brown music either, but I think it was just the ill-fitting codpiece talking.  Something was mentioned about NPR radio, but ever since Garrison Keillor got cancelled for penning dirty limericks I’ve been out of touch.

After Charlie’s football was snatched away, we moved on to some “Christmas Wrapping” by the Waitresses (Geraldo request) and then some Burl Ives, Dean, Frank, and who know what else came on while the phone was unattended.  Don’t tell me I’m not a man of the people.  Next year, I’ll bring in a pouty chanteuse to sing Santa Baby for everyone while passing around a jug of Tigerball.

There was discussion at the COT as to whether the countoff should be done Clockwise, or Widdershins.  I know that Metro is seated vs. A51 standing, but I’m (surprisingly) agnostic on these things.  Chime in with your thoughts on this.

Lots of Holiday Convergences, with all sorts of unnecessary time shifting and random late-day happenings, so be sure to check all of the proper internet channels to track these things lest you end up alone in a parking lot at the time when real workouts are supposed to start.

I would interject some more Beaufort T. Justice quotes, but they are not as funny with the substituted $%*!@ symbols they require.  Jackie Gleason was a pure comedy master.  We named a guy Beaufort T. once, I think.  It was over at Joust when it used to be a real workout.  Wonder what happened there?  Not to Joust (we know what happened there), but to the guy?


New Waxhaw workout starting at Porter Ridge HS, which is not in Waxhaw.  Figure it out.


your pal,



9 skunks with frozen bells in their trunks

Smokey, Chicken Wing, Lois, Yeti, Madison, Victoria, Lex, Horsehead, missing 1



Warmup run to the old parking lot and back to check for stragglers.

Warmup COP – every KB exercise the Q could muster plus some bonus

Swing / Run (m)

  • 10 / 800
  • 15 / 400
  • 20 / 200
  • 25 / 100
  • 20 / 200
  • 15 / 400
  • 10 / 800

7s on the Lacrosse Hill – squat thrusts / frosty merkins


Swing / Merkin

  • 10 / 10
  • 10 / 9
  • 10 / 8
  • 10 / 7
  • 10 / 6
  • 10 / 5

Out of time




Since we are closing this year out with a flaming fart, here’s a list of 11 things I hate:


  1. Turkey Bacon
  2. Vegan anything
  3. Road cyclists (except you guys, of course)
  4. An unexpected slarf of cold coffee
  5. Any Grinch other than the OG
  6. Miracle Whip
  7. RATM anything
  8. Video Conferencing
  9. Vests with Short Sleeves
  10. Cats
  11. Change


I’m not going out like that, so here are 12 things that I do like

  1. Tim Conway
  2. Jim Varney
  3. Star Wars Holiday Special
  4. Cargo Pants
  5. Apple Cobbler
  6. Real Bacon
  7. Hot Coffee, black
  8. Disc Golf
  9. Vintage Guitar Amps
  10. WNCW 88.7 (Mountain Mornings)
  11. Not having Twitter
  12. Working out with my F3 Friends


As for the workout, it was pretty fun.  We all got a good sweat on and kept the heart rates elevated for the most part.  KBs are cold.  So was the grass at the top of the hill.

Next week is the annual Skunk who Stole Christmas.  Don’t miss out.  If you don’t know what this is all about, you just need to show up and find out in person.  Be prepared for a slight twist this year to make it a little more fun for everyone.


your pal,



PS:  No passports were harmed during this workout

As God as my Witness, I Thought Turkeys could Fly


10 Frozen Turkeys, falling like bags of wet cement (or Anvils) from the sky.  Oh, the humanity!

Geraldo, Point Break, Jet Fuel, Floor Slapper, Mr. Magoo, Lorax, Red Baron, Clover, Boondock, Horsehead


The Thang:


Warmup COP in one of the giant parking lots.  Standard bootcamp fare – nothing exotic.  Full pivot cadence with higher-than-expected audience participation.

P1 run to the traffic circle by the stupid rocks

P2 do 25 merkins, 25 LBC, 25 step ups, 25 Runstoppers

Repeat X3

Note:  this was timed to perfection, even though the rep count was a huge shot in dark.

7s on the hill – burpees/merkins

Suicides at the lampposts – more merkins (variety pack)

Pinball run back to launch.  This is a group AYG run to a distant object, with a mosey back for the six while we all regroup and prepare to hit the next distant object.  It’s much better than the Indian Run, as the fast guys can really blow some steam off here.  It’s also not on the list of banned exercises, which matters deeply to me.  I think that Harry Potter and Catcher in the Rye are also banned now, but I’ll have to check.







Decent crowd, given that many had the day off and were possibly pre-medicating in preparation for a Thanksgiving Microsoft Teams meeting or whatever such obscenity that 2020 has prepared for your loved ones.

Jet Fuel continued with the full tuck, leaving only a meager tease of exposed bright white upper knee area that would have been viewed as scandalous in a previous time, but now I guess it’s just how people dress.

Lorax has reverted back to Dave Ramsey Baby Step #1 after dropping a significant amount of cheese on some Mopar LED Headlights.  Think of all of the energy he is saving though.  The man is basically a Green New Deal on Wheels.  His math is a little shaky though.

Geraldo likes to walk around dragging giant bookbags filled with rocks, but he has a terpsichorean spirit when unburdened.  The big man is light on his feet and dances across the campus, outpacing his group while (surely) doing all of the requested reps.

Clover has a good heart, but a somewhat odd sense of humor (pot/kettle).  He’s the guy who makes this awesome suicide Polar Pop at the Circle K, but then puts a large squirt of blue Powerade at the end just to gross everyone out.  He is also obsessed with evening soap operas from the 1980s.

Red Baron keeps getting faster (and smaller), just like the crappy pizzas.  He’s a pilot though, not a pizza, and actually related to Joe Cool and Snoopy.

Point Break learned everything he knows about acting from Gailard Sartain and Gary Busey, who used to work together before they really hit it big.  I’m not sure he has ever seen Hee Haw though.  Sa-lute!

Dang it, now I have to keep going and write something special about everybody.

Mr. Magoo is awesome.  My 2.0 Boondock likes to call everyone by “Mr.” and then their F3 name.  So I guess he is Mr. Mr. Magoo.

Floor Slapper is shockingly on time these days.  I think he takes turns with OT.


That about does it.


The purple airbrushed Horse Head shirt was my gift to you all.  Things are so serious these days that I figured I might as well let folks have a laugh at my expense.  That’s about the best I can do.

Reach out to somebody who you haven’t seen in a while.  People are hurting this Holiday Season and need human interaction.  Isolation is unhealthy.










How to avoid being stabbed by a ceramic squirrel

Whip, Christmas, Manziel, Baron, BLC, Chubbs, Spyglass, HH

8 Pax, filled with wanderlust and desire and one filled with last night’s burrito bowl.



Warmup in the darkest spot on campus, over near the graveyard.

The preblast noted a South Carolina man who was stabbed with a ceramic squirrel by his significant other, after a beerless return from a requested errand. How do we avoid this situation?  Do exactly what you are told.  Thus, the theme of this workout was me doing exactly what the pax told to me to.  Don’t tell anyone that they ended up doing what I had planned all along while thinking it was their idea, that’s the beauty of how these things go down.

Pax choice: starfish on the wet (but oh so soft) lacrosse field, or in front of the church on the dry, unforgiving pavement.  We went pavement for a few rounds.

  • L1: 15 merkins
  • L2: 15 jumping squats
  • L3: 15 bicycles
  • L4:  15 pax choice, which was monkey humpers of all things

During R3 of this, Chubbs went pale and bolted to the portajohn.  So, we did what any good group would do and moseyed on over for some encouragement.  He was shining some sort of light inside, which counteracts my general portajohn philosophy of dark blissful ignorance, but to each man his own.

Mosey to tennis hut and partner up for a couple rounds of one guy runs while one guy exercises.

  • P1: run to the dark place where we warmed up
  • P2: alternate between two pax chosen exercises.  I think we did diamonds/RDLs and then something/drydocks

Back to launch with one round of 10/20/30 plus a run to the spirit rock to kill off a few mins.





I’ve been laying a bit low on the backblasts lately, largely due to the fact that many of the things going on in the world today have me at risk of spouting off my mouth (or keyboard) and digging myself into trouble.  However, a few things have me feeling a little better these days, so I figured I’d get this one out there.  Here are some things I’ve tried recently that you may want to consider:

  • Auto-deleted any email with the salutation “Team”
  • Blocked any calls originating from those not in my contacts
  • Deleted all of my phone contacts
  • Deleted Twitter (for real)
  • Continued Facebook abstinence
  • No Fox News or CNN – all news originates from Tiger Rag YouTube videos and a guy named Donnie who lives at the Circle K

A few observations from the workout:

  • BLC continues his aggressive Diamond Dave – Judy Choppin warmup.
  • Orange Whip is leading some sort of soccer vs. frisbee rebellion, where they compete for the most injuries.  Baracus has been relocated to the Soccer team under the witness protection program, since no catching is involved.  It’s basically the same plot as “My Blue Heaven” with Steve Martin and Rick Moranis, so give that a watch this weekend.
  • Red Baron continues to post.  Pretty soon he’ll graduate to Tombstone, and maybe Digorno or Freschetta sometime next year.
  • Chubbs is only 23.  I’m pretty sure I have socks older than that.  Speaking of socks, did he emerge uni-socked from the Blue Tardis of backsplash?  Hmmm.







Quote for the weekend:

“There’s a big difference between the words, ‘naked’ and ‘nekkid.’ ‘Naked’ means you don’t have any clothes on. ‘Nekkid’ means you don’t have any clothes on … and you’re up to something.”  – Lewis Grizzard



your friend,




The Race is on, and it Looks Like Heartache

Well, the race is on
And here comes pride up the backstretch
Heartaches are goin’ to the inside
My tears are holdin’ back
They’re tryin’ not to fall
My heart’s out of the runnin’
True love’s scratched for another’s sake
The race is on and it looks like heartache
And the winner loses all

Artist:  George Jones AKA The Possum

Album: I Get Lonely in a Hurry


12 or so Spartans.   Madison, Stone Cold, Orange Whip, Full House, Airwolf, Cage 49er, Christmas , Retread , Benny, Boondock (that’s my boy), Horsehead (that’s me).


The plan was to get some milez without going far from home base, or diving into sketchy construction or fast-moving traffic.  The mean streets of Matthews can be an interesting place to run at times.

The Thang:

  • Warmup run to CDS Tennis Hut – some variety along the way
  • LBCOP in the hut
  • Loop 1 – 1 mile run at tempo pace – all together
  • 20/20/20/20 merkins, squats, lbc, heels to heaven
  • Loop 2 – 1 mile run at 5k pace – speedsters loop back at the graveyard
  • 20/20/20/20 merkins, squats, lbc, heels to heaven
  • Loop3 – 1 mile run those outed as speedsters try to catch the rest of us with a little head start
  • 20/20/20/20 merkins, squats, lbc, heels to heaven
  • Baby loop with some more exercises – merkin potpourri
  • Back to launch with AYG to the cars
  • Mary


49er took the gold for the team of Average Joes trying to hold off the speedsters.  Speedsters Boondock and Orange Whip took co-silver, passing everyone else.

O’ Tannenbaum took the booby prize for showing up late and searching for Bobby Fischer all morning.  Shocked.

Orange Whip holding a free keg party this weekend, sponsored by an unnamed donor.  No video recording, although apparently that’s how he got in this situation to begin with.  I hear the keg is full of IPC.

Stone Cold, who is allegedly injured and can’t run, skipped the final Mary in order to do some additional running.  Makes perfect sense.


Enough internet confabulation for today – gotta make the donuts.  Two Qs in a week is enough for this Horse.