Cliffs Notes Version:
Lebben posted. No kids. Whip told an awkward story. Q self-smoked.
Full Blast for those so inclined:
Eleven at Kevlar this morning. No high-schoolers this week, a departure from recent trends. It was a good thing too, as Orange Whip started us out of the gate with a PG-13 story about his Uber Ride back from Raleigh with Roxxxanne that lasted way too long. The Q itself was more of a R-Rated endeavor, mostly for the excessive gore and violence in watching me self-smoke about 30 mins into the workout.
Here’s what I can remember:
Coat of Human Skin:
Who is the rotten scoundrel that invented the green peppermint? Someone should pay for this crime. Ranks right up there with fire ants, bow ties, and road cyclists in my book. While I’m at it, the new MacGyver guy doesn’t have a mullet. He is basically a walking green peppermint.
Anyway . . . it’s been a while since I have regularly attended any sort of workout. I spent most of April sick or lame in one way or another and I’m not the fitness machine that I once was. I think there is a Toby Keith song chorus somewhere here. The workout today for more of a “see how long you can hang on to this chain” event for me. Unfortunately the chain was attached to a dog collar and I ended up sharing the same fate as Dinky courtesy of the Family Truckster in National Lampoons.
Bulldog, Orange Whip, and Rhapsody talked incessantly during the entire workout. This is generally a sign of great fatigue and physical stress. It’s a good thing the talking Busch was on Q at Joust, or we would have definitely needed plugs. I’d like to see how a trip to the dentist goes for those guys. You know, when the dental hygienist wants to have a lovely conversation with you while you have a mouth full of mirror sticks, pointy things, and bloody foam. I bet she comes out looking like a zombie.
Had some stomach issues running up into the workout. I should have probably stopped eating two of those Bojanglers per day after Lent, but habits die hard. Good thing I had on my shartwool base layer.
The workout itself was pretty hard, at least for me. I think a few guys even sweated . I know that Orange Whip and Rhapsody run around like Tecmo Bowl Bo Jackson, but the rest of us have to work at these things.
I’m glad for the turnout. Given my recent absence, I expect that many have forgotten my name. I was expecting something like the Super Bowl Sunday evening worship service, but was pleasantly surprised to see some familiar faces. Given that watching me Q this thing was somewhat like YouTubing neti pot videos, I hope that they come back.
Out in the country
Past the city limits sign
Well there’s a honky tonk
Near the county line
The joint starts jumpin’ every night
When the sun goes down
They got whiskey women music and smoke
It’s where all the cowboy folk
Go to boot scootin’ boogie
8 (I think) men braved the artic breeze and rolled out to the country for a little boot scootin.
This little squirrel was made up on the fly, and I have already forgotten much of it, so this is more of a general overview. The entire workout was a large rolling COP to keep pax together.
Mosey to Shiloh Elementary on other side of the world – took some COP stops
6 exercises at each light, loop around the lot. Repeat 6 times. Squats, Plank Jacks, Bomb Jacks, Merkins, LBCs, Burpees. Blue Pill = 6 burpees at each stop. Red Pill = ascending burpees. Flintstone chewable = just run around and fake it.
Wall work – squats and merkin face smasher things
Mosey back to Middle School buses – some more COP stops.
P1 runs loop around buses. P2 does 10 merkins, 10 lbcs, 10 squats, over and over until P1 returns. Flapjack X2. Q Tip: This works out better than assigning guys to do merkins for the whole time because people just end up laying there after they max out.
Pinball run back to covered tables in front.
Supine pullup blaster – 10, 9, 8, . . . .you get the drift
Will keep this one short – Saturday is for the family, you know.
Good to Q again at the Outland. It’s a huge site with a million options. There are 4 schools on the property, with 2 elementary schools back to back on the same spot. The only thing more poorly planned than this workout is the Indian Trail housing infrastructure.
The Late Show is my boy. He gets my jokes and I like his beard. He eats nasty snacks though.
Madison is training for a 1/2 Ironman in June. Putting in some serious work. I just bought the watch.
EE had on the grandma windsuit again, which I think he changed into after a pre-run, and then changed into jeans and normal clothes immediately after the workout. He must do his own laundry.
I think Bullwinkle enjoyed all of the running between stops. He kept telling me how much he loved it in his special way.
Lots of ammo for the FNG naming. Nick gave some options for TV shows, Nickelodeon, etc . . . Caballero had some skater references that I don’t think were fully flushed out. Then his vocation as a soda machine vendor came out and the pax went with Dr. Thunder. This won out over Dr. Perky, Mr. Pibb, Shasta, Surge, and all of the other gross generic sodas people could come up with. I love how we immediately gravitate towards the nastiest and most embarrassing version of whatever someone is remotely linked to during the naming sessions.
Announcements: See SlackTwitter
Until we meet again,
Teen Wolf (1985 movie, not the millennial trash tv show) – Coach Finstock: There are three rules that I live by: never get less than twelve hours sleep; never play cards with a guy who has the same first name as a city; and never get involved with a woman with a tattoo of a dagger on her body. Now you stick to that, and everything else is cream cheese.
Well, I certainly broke the first rule, as I was awakened at 0430 by the blinding light of the Full Blue Blood Supermoon beaming through my window. I thought that an enthusiastic Gypsy (pax, but a real gypsy would be a better story) had set off my motion lights out back, anxious to get an early start on the workout. Apparently he likes to start his twitter wrestler feed on Saturday night for this Wednesday workout, which is when he began soliciting me for information. Well, he wasn’t there. Good thing, because I would have totally tased him with the taser that my sister-in-law gave my wife for Christmas two year ago. True story. Let’s just say that I sleep with one eye open and my massive eyebrow slightly raised.
4 corners to this property, established during the warmup with a traveling COP, to which we assigned 4 exercises. Added in a #candyland shortcut for those so inclined to modify the running distance because #moderate.
Run the 1/2 mile loop AMRAP and drop an exercise of your choosing with each subsequent trip. Nice try Shake and Bake, but you cannot drop the running. By the way, TClaps for posting solo on the prerun in the 20deg weather. I was (not even) there in spirit.
We ran this jewel until 6AM and then moved on to the next thing.
Modified Beast – using the big arrows in the parking lot. After some discussion and significant distrust at my perfectly engineered plan to do exercises at the 6 sets of arrows we eventually got it done. Guys argued that there were only 5 sets instead of 6, which in actually there were 7 #bonus. The last set was extra-credit and skipped by most.
Cut that short for Mary, which was unremarkable except for the Q’s interesting version of Crunchy Frog at the end with uncontrollable accompanying sound effects.
That SuperMoon was bright. It was a little eerie out there in the countryside. I came out for a pre-scout to see if the big field was in play, but it was booby trapped with ice puddles. I think I found the Shrieking Shack in the woods, but I got back in my truck before Professor Lupin found me.
Apparently, we had some sort of Family Dollar / Dollar Tree convention going on with folks traveling in from Georgia to post. I think this involved Drumstick, Scratch and Sniff, and Homeboy somehow, but I missed the connection. Keep selling that Chinese product boys, it’s what makes the world go round. If I can’t buy it for a buck and throw it away that same night, I probably don’t need it.
Bullwinkle took off like a Quick Trip sushi shart during the 1st round of the beast. Shenanigans indeed.
I never know if things are moderate enough or not. I figure that if I can reasonably keep the group together than it’s a success. I know one thing, I hate standing around in the cold – hence the continuous running today. Hopefully it was in tune with the spirit of the site. If not, I may be in trouble. Not as bad as as the kind of trouble you get in from picking out someones wedgie in church unsolicited, but some sort.
Posting here reminds me of when Area51 used to be more into the whole F3 thing. Back in the day, guys used to actually count during COP and wanted to do things like run around with shovel flags and crawl through the mud. The edge has rounded a bit, but the workouts and fellowship are still good. I think it’s just a natural progression of how people progress through this experience. Still, it’s refreshing to go back in time a little every once in a while.
Probably some announcements somewhere . . . Check the shack.
From now on, the only woman I’m pimpin’ is sweet lady propane. And I’m trickin’ her out all over this town.
A dozen posted in questionable weather for a little King of the Hill. The count would have been one less, had I not signed up on the Skunkworkgenius, but leadership and all . . .
It’s always fun to draw the rain Q card. It seems the longer I do this F3 thing, the less inclined I am to want to go and crawl around in the mud and crud. Let’s say that I have developed a more refined palette. Well preference be hanged, it was pouring rain when I flopped out of the sack this morning but the little guy on my shoulder thumped me in the ear and sped me on my way.
I had some other things planned that involved grass and a field and probably a good bit of mud, but that seemed about as dicey as a Craig’s List babysitter so we extended the thrills on the hills.
Blazing saddles was wearing a mysterious vest. I can’t remember if he had on short sleeves under it or not. I don’t trust a man who wears a vest with short sleeves. That’s like a belt and suspenders, but without the fashion benefits. Funny thing, Lex came up to me asking if I had seen a missing vest before the workout. Then Blaze is running around with this mysterious vest on, and Lex just ignores it. It was definitely an elephant in the room.
Harley was begging to go stand under the tennis court pavilion the whole time. I wasn’t sure if he wanted the whole group to go, or just us two, and it got a little weird for a few mins there. I changed the subject pretty quickly but I hope I didn’t hurt his feelings.
Tweetsie and Lois are inseparable. I heard that once Lois convinced Tweetsie to bust into the bottom layer of the M’s Whitman’s sampler before the top layer had been completely polished off. I think that was a pretty awkward Valentine’s day for everyone involved.
It’s good to have Country Livin back with us. He vanished for a couple of years. Word on the street was that he was banned from the local Lowes for using the display toilet and things escalated from there. Anyway, he looks slim and trim and it’s good to see him again.
Haven’t had that much fun at church since I got kicked out of the sanctuary for teaching the kids about Jeremiah the Bullfrog during the Christmas cantata. I’m sure there was a lot more going on that I missed. I was in the zone dawg. Gonna feel that one soon.
8 at the Outland today, enjoying the 3rd headfake of some cool fall weather.
What doeth a man when he stayeth up late and crawleth to his Saturday morning Q? He taketh his Thursday Peak51 Q, which was highly rated on Yelp, and bringeth it once again. You’re welcome to Lumberjack, Bullwinkle, Woody, and Bonhoeffer who got to enjoy this twice this week. We switched it up just enough to stretch the hour.
Warmup COP near the Middle School buses. Run to a random bus after each exercise. Random.
Elementary School bus lot. Run around a bit (with gusto). Starfish with 5 burpee center. Merkins, Squats, SMC, LBC. Repeat until I got tired of it.
Middle School Hill – 7s with burpees/situps
Back to Middle School bus lot for some suicides. Two sets, using the parking spot numbers.
Partner work – P1 wall squats, P2 Supine pull-ups on the rails. Work down from 12 pull-ups and alternate.
BTW / Donkey Kick / Headrush combo
Saturday workouts are long, but the backblasts are short. Gotta seize the day, you know.
Lots of repeat clients from Peak51. Hope you enjoyed it as much as you did Thursday.
Guys enjoyed the magical suicides that somehow got longer on both ends. Anytime there is a bus lot with an invisible bus, stuff like that is bound to happen. #Hogwarts
Woody is having a fundraiser Ba Ba Q, which somehow does not involve the letter R. I’m sure it will be delicious. Great guy, but he would make the worlds worst pirate. Aaaaaaaaaa.
Missing Glass Joe these days. I’m sure he’s off doing something amazing, like turning water into Welches Grape Juice.
Choosing the one spot in the parking rock with the tiny little rocks as the LBC station was my gift to you.
I will leave you all with this.
Get R Done
I’ve always wondered what it would be like to be an evil villain with minions, or perhaps just a few go-to henchmen. Big ugly ones like Beastman and Trap Jaw who follow your every whim without (too much) questioning. Let’s find out.
21 at the Peak, if you count the two #walkerstalkers dressed in black – Geraldo and Dora. We’ll take the numbers. They looked evil enough.
Follow me, minions . . .
Snake Mountain mosey weaving around the parking lot. I just kept turning to see if the big train would keep following. Evil henchman conga line – perfect.
Now we circle up for some cruel exercises. Gather round my evil underlings.
SSH X 20
Squat X 20
Mountain Climber X 20
Fire Ants X 100 (minions followed until they figured out it was not an exercise)
Crawl around X 50
Peter Parker X 20
Leave the scene of the crime
Death Star-fish in the parking lot – burpee center with merkins, lbcs, mary catherine, & jump squats in the corners. Repeat until I release my command. That’s right, my evil powers cross the bounds of Filmation and LucasFilms.
Some jibber jabber from Slim Fast about the Mary Catherine technique. He had already tied one hostage to himself with a towel, so I backed away. Can’t risk a mutiny.
7s on the hill – situps and burpees. More talk of mutiny, but I held it together by threat of force lightening.
Partner up for (evil) Alabama Slamma – decending merkins. Slim again with the lip, but we threw him in the snake pit. Rumor is that he has already recruited a BRR team from within the other captives.
What’s left? Time to show your loyalty to the evil master. Suicides. One set until folks started to stagger, then a 2nd set to seal the deal. Flying monkey march (got that one too) back to the getaway vehicles. Somebody led some mary while I circled back to taunt the stragglers from my evil and strangely self-propelled flying chariot.
Other notes from Snake Mountain:
Two of my scariest and most evil henchman have taken it upon themselves to become less-scary skinny versions of themselves. Bullwinkle and Shake & Bake have lost nearly 100 lbs between the two of them. This is unacceptable – we need you back as fat evil villains. Don’t let it happen again.
Benny was named after a group of New Jersey people who are somehow more offensive than the rest of the New Jersey people. I like it, in an evil way.
Lumberjack kilt him a bar when he was only three.
Lois reminds me of the kid who had 100,000 baseball cards. We broke into his car and replaced them with Garbage Pail kids. Much more evil. Used some of them as stickers too.
We need to name somebody Ram Man. He was the best He Man character. Would have been even better if he were evil.
If you watch one terrible sci-fi movie on Netflix, you pay for life. All of the “suggestions” keep coming in with more terrible choices, serving as a constant reminder of the transgression. It never stops. Just think about that before you click on anything with Sharks, Monsters, or Ian Ziering in it.
“Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.”
15 plunged into the depths of the sea of knowledge, and emerged with pearls of wisdom (and possibly some fresh calluses)
20 Swings + 10 Merkins, repeat X 5
Swing / Clean / Hi Pull / Snatch combo – continuous movement
Repeat x3, x6, x9, but not x12
RDL / Goblet Squat / F Lunge / B Lunge – continuous movement
Repeat x3, x5, x9 (sketchy), and most definitely not x12
Teabag x 10, Overhead Press x 10, Teabag to Overhead press combo x 10
Clean x 10, Press X 10, Clean and Press combo X 10
Swing x 10, Goblet Squat x 10, Swing to Goblet Squat combo X 10
Snatch x 10, Reverse Lunge X 10, Viking Salute x 10 (click link for video)
20 Swings + 10 Merkins, repeat until 6:15
Here’s a tip – don’t bet on billiards with anyone named after a state (Minnesota Jack, Arkansas Slim, the list goes on) or look for life-changing exercise instruction from someone who ate a pack of Nabs he found in his vehicle on the way to the workout. That said, I noticed some guys really taking my swing instruction to heart this morning and I got a little teary eyed. It could have just been catching a whiff of High Tides tank top (seriously, try some Tide), but I think it was a little bit more. Header had out his preacher notebook and Bulldog was trying to figure out his Evernote password but couldn’t get Siri to understand the letter “R”.
Missing Turkey Leg this morning. Probably posting Strava runs from the Shire again. We await his return. He still working on a
autobiography novel about the incontinent jogger, “The Man with One Brown Sock”. A screenplay starting Tom Hanks and Dabney Coleman is also in the works.
Voodoo was off searching for his true calling in life. He was devastated last week upon learning that Elon Musk was not gas station cologne. All of those quarters gone to waste. He’s also trying to find out why his electric car only has a range of 3 miles. Try the 600lbs of kettlebells in the passenger seat pal.
The general workout went a little like a Pandora station. Keep skipping exercises until you have to listen to a commercial. Hope you guys got your moneys worth. It’s all optional, I suppose, but you’re not gonna look like this if you keep doing that. #flex
Welcome Gaylord. The Sorting Hat really flipped you a stinker with that name #notslytherin. Glad you are still coming out.
Rumors of a Brown sighting. Nowhere near a workout, mind you, but the man has been spotted. Keep hope alive.
Ended the workout with a jewel from one of TRs series of “clean but weird” videos – the Viking Salute. I received, in return, some various other salutes from the pax. Smokey took a knee in protest and left his kneecap in the parking lot.
Finally, this morning marked the debut of my genius invention, the “Lockscreen Weinke“. Save the weinke as a photo to the iPhone lockscreen and BAM – instant access during the workout. Problem is, when you are playing the Alan Jackson Pandora Station, the controls cover up the text and it is rendered useless. Oh well, back to the drawer. It did serve to remind me though, that you need to be prepared for when life throws you a curveball. Train to handle the unexpected. Don’t get shaken up when something goes awry – it will happen.
All I can remember from this AM . . .
Probably some announcements too. Contact Bulldog via his America Online email address for these.
10 at Kevlar for a Total Body Workout. We kept it simple.
Run to tennis court parking – warmup COP. It was dark.
Run to tennis pavilion. Perform the following, then run to the end of cemetery lane
Run to hill. Perform the following, then run up the hill and back.
Run to back parking lot. Teams of 3. Hairburner grinders across the lot while doing the following:
Work until 6:15, then run back. Whoops.
Simple but highly effective. We kept it to 4 total exercises, advertised as the Total Body Workout. Throw in some 600m runs, hill repeats, and those horrible plates and everyone got a good little sweat going. Sorry about the time – I was seeing multiple watches during the hairburners and thought it was 6:05 when everyone started getting a little rowdy.
Just a few observations:
Where, where, are you tonight?
Why did you leave me here all alone?
I searched the world over,
And thought I found true love.
You met another and
Phht! you were gone.
10 headed out for a Wednesday morning adventure into the hillz of Raintree, with the Q not too far behind.
Mosey a bit
Triple Nickel(back) on Rising Meadow – Jump Squats and Merkins
Two sprints to the top with burpees
Mary to recover
Strawberry Suicides w/ some exercises
Sprint to the end with 5 burpees
Mosey back to school
1 lap to get 3 miles for Spackler #promisekeeper
Mary with failed millennial postmodern do-whatever-you-feel-like call at the end by Dollywood
Good to be back in the Q saddle – it has been a long time. I have gotten slower and the DV pax have gotten younger and faster. Thanks for letting me lead from the back today.
Smokey’s hat is disgusting.
Some confusion on the Rising Meadow trip-nick. I thought it was 5 exercises and 3 trips, but it is supposed to be 5 trips. We hit two more trips up to make it right.
Fireman Ed sometimes goes to Planet Fitness at 3:30AM so he can go back home and sleep. If you read anything about strange people at the gym at 3:30, he’s your man. You do have to respect a man who will wear a tank top to a nice restaurant though . . . not that I’ve ever seen Ed do that (thank goodness), but I wouldn’t be surprised.
Doing exercises in the middle of the road at an intersection is not the greatest idea. Be careful guys. We’ll end up in the Raintree newsletter again soon. #shadowninjas.
Smokey’s hat is really disgusting.
Spackler likes to name drop. He was talking about the high-roller cougars at the jazz Barre class that he attends instead of F3. Something about a BOGO Groupon for the Tiger Woods Thanksgiving special. I noticed that he was wearing a friendship bracelet that said “Sweet Baboo” on it, so I’m really not sure what he’s getting himself into these days. I think Buttermaker is also involved with this. I heard they had matching engraved Zippos too. Somebody intervene.
No sight of Chelms. I think he fell asleep in the tub listening to his new Robert D. Raiford box set last night. Hey Big Man, let me hold a dollar.
Lots of young soccer players down in the Valley these days. They like to run when I walk and talk when I gasp for air. Wonder how they feel about Matchbox 20. Just curious.
Chin Music is a super nice guy. He even looks good bald. I called him Skin Music, and he just smiled and laughed. He has that Header nice-guy thing going. I bet if he invited you to a cookout and then showed up with Bubba Burgers, you wouldn’t even be mad.
Gotta run – going segment hunting on the Devils Turn apartment loop.
Pro Tip: Don’t ever pour Capri Sun into a clear glass.
Please excuse the brevity of this blast, but it’s a beautiful Saturday and the Hills are Alive with the Sound of Music.
Perfect workout conditions – couldn’t have asked for a nicer morning out there. Some sort of UC attendance bet going on, so lots of guys dragged the 2.0s out of bed to pad the numbers. Commitment claims the win with 18 total and 1 FNG, but GJ has filed an official protest with 7 total and 2 FNGs at the Monroe site. Having no dog in this hunt, I’ll let you guys sort this one out.