Author Archive Horsehead

Phase 1


Orange Whip, EE, Puddin Pop, Cottontail, Geraldo, Stone Cold, Horsehead (QIC)

7 mangy Kashykkian moofmilkers busted out of the Phase 1 gate right as it opened at 530.

The Thang:

  • Run to Library, the long way – warmup around back
  • Crazy 8s in the parking lot – run a figure 8 pattern with burpees in the middle and Merkins/Squats at the ends. Count down the burpees each time for 8 laps.
  • Bear Crawl down the brick walkway
  • 10/10/10s X3 on the bricks – derkins, step ups, nugget dippers
  • Suicides along the disgusting dumpsters – how are these so nasty with the restaurants closed?
  • Run to start – sprints by the railroad tracks, winner/flesh anchor calls Mary each time


This backblast is a product of peer pressure, from people who didn’t even post to this.  I was planning to kick my feet up and eat some of this imported bat jerky I just got in the mail from Ali Baba, but I suppose I can multitask.  Might as well join the other 99% of folks “working at home” this Friday.

You know what I hate?  No, not road cyclists and craft beer – that’s a given.  I‘m talking bout Zoom.  I hate me some Zoom.  It combines the worst aspects of a poor quality phone call and an awkward in-person meeting.  We tried a few Zoom workouts in April, and I suppose they met a need, but I am Zoooooomed out and can’t handle any more of this nonsense.  They were  funny though.  Turkey Leg looked like he was trapped in a Turkish Prison, Hoover had some sort of Exercise Apnea that overwhelmed the microphone, some random dude worked out with a kettlebell in his kitchen, and Cottontail’s garage looked like something from the Red Green show.  It was fun for about a week.  Time to move on.

We had a good time out in the real world this morning.  Followed all of the rulez and everything.  Cottontail came in all the way from Frog Pond to work out with us.  So did one of Puddin Pops farts.  Stone Cold had on some brand new shoes that he was awful proud of.  He got quite pale(r) when I threatened the mud, but we kept our powder dry.  EE told us about the caravan of food trucks patrolling his neighborhood that he’s too cheap to order from, but I expected no less from a man who chooses Grizzly over Kodiak.  Orange Whip has been huffing mold spores and was delusional.  All he would say was “My name is Larry, this is my brother Darryl and this is my other brother Darryl” over and over.  Oh, and I almost forgot Geraldo.  I don’t think he ever left from last week though.  He’s been working out continuously since April 1st.  Somebody told him that if he worked out for 30 days straight he could make Vice President at one of the banks in town.

Speaking of Geraldo, he tells me that DREAD himself is coming to Q The Rock tomorrow.  Tell you what, I’m ready for some F3 again.  I just ordered 7 of the Starter Kits.  For $25, it’s a real bargain.  I’m going to reboot myself and only speak in F3 jargon for the rest of May.  AYE BROTHER!  Let’s sharpen some iron!


So, lets’ get those starter kits on order and get back at it boys.  We’ve got a long summer ahead of us.






Stone Cold, Geraldo, Cottonmouth, Cottontail, Slide Rule, Turkey Leg, TR (hacker), Horsehead (VQIC)





  • SSH X 20
  • IW X 20
  • Air Squat X 10
  • Windmill X 10

10 burpees

Set 1 – repeat X 3

  • 2H Swing X 20
  • Merkin X 20
  • Goblet Squat X 10
  • Lawnmower X 10/S

10 Burpees

Set 2 – repeat X 3

  • 2H Swing X 20
  • Full Sit-up X 15
  • Lunge X 8/L
  • Clean & Press X 8/S

10 Burpees

Set 3 – repeat X 3

  • Snatch X 8/S
  • Thruster X 10
  • Flutter Press X 10/L
  • 1H Swing X 10/S

10 Burpees

Swing/Snatch/Merkin ladder up to 10 – time killer / smoker

10 Burpees



If you would have asked me a couple of weeks ago if I would video myself exercising in the driveway so that folks could watch online I would have stepped away quickly without breaking eye contact.  That’s where we ended up this morning though.  And you know what; it was about as weird as I thought it would be.

I set up a Zoom account and did a little testing.  The camera needs to be at the right angle.  iPad in a folding chair did the trick.  You also need a little lighting, but not too much.  I used a shop light but some of the guys were in lighted garages.  Mine has cars in it.

I don’t think these Vorkouts will vork very well with much (or any) running involved, but maybe someone more creative than myself will find a way.  I suppose we could duct tape an iPhone to Turkey Leg and see what happens.  Then we can all post on Strava something like “EZ 16 miler with TL” at the end.  Or maybe we’ll Velcro one to Gloss’s back hair and see what a day in the life of the Trifusenik is like. Workout in the clouds with Hoover or take a ride in the TR Beardcam.  The opportunities are endless.  Don’t even get me started on the Runstopper tightphone experience.

Anyway, here’s what happened this morning.

  • Cottontail joined from his remote fortress with one of his 2.0s. They both had on those Rambo survival knives that you get from the flea market with the fishing line and matches inside of the handle.
  • Cottonmouth appeared to be in some sort of fancy home gym so I’m not sure why he even bothered with us. He kept pressing this thing he called the Lunk Alarm, but it was really just one of those Staples Easy Buttons.  We just pretended we didn’t see him.  It was awkward.
  • Turkey Leg is in a Turkish prison, and is begging for help in Turkey code. We need an interpreter who speaks gobble.  Maybe that lady from the Airplane movie can help.
  • Geraldo was getting after it, or at least moving around on the screen and making lots of breathing noises.
  • I’m not even sure that Stone Cold was working out . I think he was sitting on his couch eating some eggs. He says that he got real sweaty though, which is pretty nasty.  Pray for his wife and family.
  • TR hacked into the workout from his car, while driving, only to capture a screenshot of my nose hairs.  I would have probably done the same thing.

None of the above is probably true, or maybe all of it is.  You guys have read these before, so don’t think a virtual workout changes anything.

Hopefully, we’ll be back at it soon. I can’t wait for some summer workouts.  I’m ready to circle up at RockZero and sprint across the huge parking lot like Fat Axl Rose in jorts when the whistle blows in Paradise City.  Sitting at home all day reading articles about millennials complaining that they can’t get their CBD infused Kombucha is just making things worse.  Also, I need a haircut.   I’m growing a natural mullet that’s more suitable for Redneck Hockey with a frozen Bubbaburger puck than my esteemed profession.  I’m in the market for a used Flowbee, but I’m a little nervous about my giant eyebrows getting caught up in the blades, or possibly stalling out the motor.

I’ve got more problems, but you guys are too important to me to waste your time with them.  Take care of your families and keep each other accountable in these upcoming weeks.  We all need it.



Until we meet again,





R.I.P. Area51


People who experienced this:

Geraldo, Levi, iHop, Glock, Boerewors, Mr. Magoo,  Alf, Runstopper, Wojo, Beaver, Ductwork, Elsa, Mailman, O Tannenbaum, Horsehead


15 men of valor and curiosity posted for a potentially once in a lifetime leap-day RockZero extravaganza.  The next opportunity for a Feb 29th RockZero will be in the year 2048, so mark your calendars.  I’m already signed up to Q for those of you who will still be around.





  • Warmup run and COP, including some smooooth imperial walkers
  • 2 rounds of Mega Giant Starfish across campus – merkins, HTH, squats, & pax choice at the corners w/ burpee center
  • Tree suicides in the parking lot of pain and grievances – merkins, peter parkers, humpers
  • Jacobs ladder on the hill of dehydrated turds– burpees and jump squats
  • 3 sets of hotbox 10/20/30s – derkins, little Haze, LBC – run to the trash can each time
  • Around 4 miles – not Chad approved





After a somewhat awful Friday at work, I needed this one.  There really is no better remedy for a case of the grumpies than to fully smoke yourself Qing a workout.  Had I not signed up, I would probably still be lying in the sack, enveloped in farts.  Thanks for coming out guys.

This workout seemed longer than a CVS receipt.  I kept looking at the watch, and we still had a lot of chicken left on the bone every time I checked.  Speaking of watches, O Tannenbaum spent most of coffeteria talking about how much he loves collecting watches, even his collector’s edition Casio G Shock that he uses exclusively for being late to EVERY SINGLE WORKOUT.  We thought he had mended his ways this AM when he was actually there to hear his first F3 disclaimer ever, but he eventually fessed up to being 2 mins late for the 630 pre run.

No way to top that unless you are Hoover, who somehow overslept by 2 hours.  You know what though, the big guy probably needed the sleep after running around with backpacks full of lead and cinder blocks strapped to himself all week.

Runstopper likes his post-workout coffee in a reusable, sustainable mug with a wisp of cinnamon and nutmeg and just an ever-so-gentle drizzle of flannel.  He also saves water by omitting shorts from the laundry load and rocking the exposed Spanx.  The rest of us contribute to saving the environment by each driving individual vehicles to Starbucks and drinking out of paper cups.

Missed Spackler and his aromas today.  I think he and Bounce come as a BOGO package deal.  I hear they are off having a final showdown – Adams Tight Lies vs. The Orilimar Tri Metal.

Alf crushed us all.  I heard he had a pushup contest with Superman last weekend, loser had to wear their underwear on the outside of their pants.



Until 2048,




PS. Better read this quick, before it gets #Waxhawed right off of the front page.


Where Have All the Cowboys Gone?

Pax:  Fault Line, Lex, Cottontail, Spack, Puddin, Christmas, Horsehead (Q)



Where is my John Wayne
Where is my prairie song
Where is my happy ending
Where have all the cowboys gone


7 for Kevlar, beating the Gummy over/under odds from last night.  The count did not include Gummy, however, who had more important things to do.



Run around

Warm up COP

Giant Starfish with 5 burpee center.

  • L1 – Leg circuit at the benches
  • L2 – Core ciruit around the medians
  • L3 – Merkin circuit on the big hill

Repeato a few times

7s on the big hill – Merkins and Jump Squats

Mary while ½ the pax run to the big rock and back.



 As I mentioned earlier, this workout appears to be hanging on for dear life.

  • Like a last-minute bathroom booger before a big meeting.
  • Like the last mystery gel-filled pieces of a Whitman’s Sampler.
  • Like that backgammon set that you keep around because it looks “classy” but doesn’t even have Checkers on the flip side.
  • Like that Pumpkin Spice White Claw that you have in the crisper.
  • Like that Gingham Pinafore that you know you will not ever  be able to squeeze your giant rump into but you keep around because it matches those fabulous black pumps you got at Marti and Liz.
  • Like Puddin’s gray shirt


Anyway, I think you get the point.  It’s still hanging around.  What’s different between Kevlar and the list above?  Kevlar can be awesome again.   With apologies to Puddin’s shirt, none of that other stuff has a chance.  Attendance is actually trending upward, but we haven’t even hit the worst winter weather yet.  Let’s hope for a turnaround.  Show up.


From this morning, just a few observations:

The Total Body Fitness Circuit was rehashed from a previous workout that only had 3 in attendance.  It was too good for that, so we revived it.  Cottontail has already mailed out a handwritten thank you letter, although with baby #14 on the way I’m not sure how he has time to do anything else.

Puddin Pop always brings the fun.  Sometimes it’s hard to decipher what he’s saying through the miasma that he is enveloped in, but I believe that most of his comments were about pre, post, and during bowel movement activities.  I tried to take notes, but ran out of toilet paper.


Spackler admitted that he considered Header’s workout at Joust but posted Kevlar for the commentary and the backblast.  We all know what really happened that time Header tried to use the FBC Lottie Moon collection plate as a Frisbee over there – total disaster.

Did you know that James Best was in several Andy Griffith episodes before he went on to play Roscoe on the Dukes of Hazzard?  He played rising country music star Jim Lindsey, who somehow managed to get a screaming electric guitar sound out of an unplugged acoustic that he barely touched.  Guess what his real first name is?  Jewel.  He was also a black belt in karate, which helps with a first name like that.  Denver Pyle (Uncle Jesse) was also in Mayberry for a while as the Darling family Patriarch.

This backblast is going to make the Hangers On list soon, so we’ll end it here.

Post Kevlar in 2020.  Make Kevlar Great Again







Christmas with the Easter Bunny

BB on my iPhone. Got 5 mins.

Christmas, Cottontail and Horsehead for a fun filled 45 mins at Kevlar this am.

Giant Starfish around campus – kept moving for 45 mins.

Christmas led the way. CT expecting baby #14. Wow.

Microwaved Pie

Cage, Chin Music, Red Card, Stone Cold, Funky Cold, Crotch Rocket, Tackling Dummy, Arena, Tulip, Smokey, Lois, Header, Bulldog, Grits, Dollywood (LIFO), Horsehead (QIC)

A merry old time at Skunkworks today.  16 Strong for a “12 Days of Thanksgiving Leftovers” workout.

  1. 400m lap
  2. 18 swings
  3. 12 high pull
  4. 12 teabag squat
  5. 12 KB merkin
  6. 12 lawn mower
  7. 16 flutter press
  8. 12 snatch
  9. 8 lunge
  10. 10 good morning 
  11. 10 clean and press
  12. Burpee

KB < 40 lbs, add 6 reps

KB < 44 lbs, add 3 reps

Soundtrack was the 1966 John Mayall and the Blues Breakers with Eric Clapton album.

My son and I have been taking online guitar lessons together and also working on some home brew amplifier kit projects.  He’s learning about electronics as we go.  We recently completed an 18 Watt Marshall Plexi kit, which inspired the Blues Album choice for this morning.  We are both pretty novice with the guitar, but it’s been a lot of fun spending more time with my son, who will be 14 in a couple of weeks.  I don’t want to take the time I have with him at home for granted, so finding good ways to hang out together is a huge blessing.  So, if you want to hear a shaky rendition of the opening bars of some songs you never really liked, come on over.  I would encourage all of you to find a good way to bond with your kids before you ship them off to grown-up land. 

Enjoy your time with relatives this Thanksgiving.  For those travelling and staying with your folks or the in-laws, just try to make the most of it.  Search around and turn it into a treasure hunt. 

Lots of things in play:

  • Punky Brewster VHS collection
  • 27 year old bottle of Prell shampoo
  • 1973 Funk and Wagnalls Encyclopedia set w/ the “S” volume locked away
  • Fraggle Rock tank top
  • That He-Man action figure that smells like an old sock on purpose
  • Some Olan Mills portraits where three of your faces are inserted into a larger version of your face
  • Love notes to your old flame written in Iambic Pentameter
  • Assorted H.R. Pufnstuf memorabilia

Whatever you find, just make the most of it and enjoy time with your family. 

Time to run,


Stuck in a Closet with Vanna White

Pax: TR, Purell, Hoover, Voodoo, Young Love, Plasma, Stone Cold, Tulip, Bulldog, Soul Glo, Chin Music, Header, Turkey Leg, Smokey, Horsehead

13 unsuspecting souls, plus a man with an unwavering plan, and a token Q with a suspect playlist.  How could this go wrong?

Somehow, I mistook “Bring your speaker, scullion” as “Will you Q Meathead Thursday?” and it went downhill from there.  Nevertheless, we completed Day Whatever of the awful squat pyramid workout.  For those following along, this is a M/Th/Sat strength program that alternates press/squat days.  It was my first day with the double 20kg squats, which was not pretty.  Early finishers did cleans and RDLs, followed by 5 mins of snatches for the group.  The whole thing was sandwiched between two sets of rectum swallowing planks, all set to an inspiring Weird Al Yankovic greatest hits soundtrack. 

The Pax are getting this thing together, and I’m seeing a lot of improvement.  The swings are looking a little less Charles Barkley and more Tiger Woods (except on Thanksgiving 2009).  I think only 50% of the group soiled themselves during the squats today, which is a 50% improvement.  I only soiled 50% of myself and it was 50% into the workout, so that figures in somehow.  Basically, dudes be getting swole up in here.  Bulldog has been carrying around dual gallon jugs of BROrotein mix with his sleeves rolled up that he can simultaneously ingest and curl throughout the day.  Smokey had to go up a hat size after only one workout.  Turkey Leg flat busted out of his GI Joe onesie and it was a little uncomfortable at first, but we just went with it. 

In order to deal with this massive swolishness, I think we are going to have to step up the eating.  I’ve been watching this British Baking Show on Netflix and they call cookies biscuits over there.  So, if you go home tonight, smack the M on the arse and tell her to “fetch you a batch of biscuits” she’s likely to punch you in the mouth and not bring you Oreos instead of Bojangles from what I understand.   Give it a run and text me.

Speaking of texting and getting punched by someone’s wife, It seems that Header finally upgraded his Blackberry 47, to a limited edition Jerry Fallwell skinned Iphone 3 with the Teletubby case.   A bonus is that somehow his 4:30AM texts to his best Bro Chin Music are actually going to Chin’s M.  I can Only Imagine the awkwardness.  #MercyMe. It was good to have them both back, however.  When they didn’t show on Monday, I thought that they had gotten raptured on Sunday evening and we were all living in a Tim LaHaye book.   Turns out they were in a dispute over whos role was supposed to be played by Kirk Cameron, which ended up in some heated texts between Header and Chin’s M.  Nobody got any biscuits. 

The Weird Al stuff is fantastic.  It’s weird, that’s a given, but also genius.  I was blasting “White and Nerdy” in the garage while soldering a new power circuit into a 1976  Fender Champ tube amplifier last night and it was both catchy and incriminatory.  The amp needs a properly matched driver, as someone butchered it with an 8 ohm Radio Shack special that is causing the tubes to overwork.  The power switch was shorted to ground and someone had installed a 15A fuse instead of the 1A which was not a good idea.  I’m off on a trail here, but once the glue on the tolex repair sets and the new Warehouse Guitar driver comes in we will have something special that can’t be replicated by solid state electronics. 

Speaking of Tiger Rag, master of puppets, he’s back in full force.  I think he is the McRib of A51.  You don’t know how long the limited time offering will last, but it sure is good when it’s here.  Let’s hope it sticks around for a while.  I’m stocking up. 

It’s time for some lukewarm Hawaiian Punch in the metal can and a Moon Pie. 



I have about had it with this temperamental tag list. I type, it disappears, then it comes back. We do this dance. I lose. We all lose. Paging Wingman. when you get done processing the 1000 Waxhaw backblasts from today, please open a service ticket on this item.

PAX: Gummy, Cage (R), Bulldog, TD, Scott Farkus, Puddin Pop, Schmedium, Fault Line, Double E, Cottontail, Cottonmouth, BLC (R), Homer, Harley, Horsehead (QIC)

15 at Kevlar, including a few #SIxFourteeners, took advantage of one of the last appropriate days of the year to wear white shoes. 

Six Fourteener: siks fôrˈtēn er – A man who keeps plenty of gas in the tank during the course of a workout either by holding back, or simply refuseniking certain parts, such that he can sprint vigorously at the very end while others are running on fumes.  See: Scott Farkus, Tackling Dummy


  • Run around a bit, with purpose
  • Warmup (completed by some) – standard COP
  • 10/20/30s with a trip up the stairs – repeat 3 times
  • Extended Beast along the back drive with a burpee finisher – OH YES WE DID
  • Timekiller sprints to the rock – 6:14ers unite
  • 2MOM


The standard for acceptable COP exercises has gotten mighty, mighty thin.  It was almost as if certain PAX were issued remote controls with a skip button, which they pointed towards me as I attempted to get everybody warmed up appropriately.  I, for one, think that the traditional SSH  (sans coupon, of course) is a fantastic way to get the blood moving around a little bit before a workout and shall not be deterred, although there was quite the void of alacrity in the air.   

This morning, we were delighted with 66% of the TriFusenik posting, plus Gummy, filling in for #BIgHairyGloss and playing the role of Shemp Howard.   Now we all know that Shemp < Curly , but at least it wasn’t Curly-Joe.  That’s getting into Vance & Coy Duke territory.  Also see:  any Andy Griffith episode in color.  We made it work. 

Cage, who is pushing pert near 60 these days, had on some sort of black biker doo-rag.  He looked like one of the Final Bosses from Double Dragon who had the girl kidnapped.  He was moving too fast for me to use my jump-roundhouse.  Cottontail finally knocked him out with a butter churn and we high-tailed it out of there.  Ahhh . . . brings back memories of blowing in Nintendo cartridges so we could foul up my cousin’s Duck Hunt high score with a secret flashlight. 

At one point during the 10/20/30s, (which as a sidenote Joker only has a patent on the variety that involves a lot of partner touching), Bulldog engaged BLC in a one-sided conversation.  I’m suspecting that since the Dawg has a house full of relatives visiting from across-the-pond that his moderately-translatable accent has fallen into disarray to the point where most of us are only able to pick out bits and pieces.  A “mate” here and a “pal” there and Bob’s your Uncle, you know the drill.  Well, I’m not sure what BLC heard but it was possibly something about the high potash content in his fertilizer (you know, the K part) because he just deadpan looked over at him and ran off.    Tower of Babel. 

I hope you all enjoyed this break from BRR training.  Soon will be the time for red-eyed wandering down the aisles of Ingles in search of chili-tater antecode and respite from the mysteriously wet port-o-johns where you dropped your blinky light and had to fish around for it on the floor.  Good thing our team fell apart.  Hannibal tried to set up a reunion weekend, but after 1000 group texts the final verdict was just he and I alone in the cabin at some point and we can do that just about anywhere. 

And by the way, for you knuckleheads who are too cool to write backblasts these days. Here’s why they are important:

  1. They engage new pax and give them something to look forward to after their first few posts. It’s always good to get your name mentioned on the internet, isn’t it?
  2. We have a number of guys who have gone away for a spell, IR or otherwise. Many of them still read the Backblasts and it gives them something to reconnect with.
  3. It helps new Qs form ideas for how to lead their workouts.
  4. Hops needs something to do.
  5. Many others. Get it done. They are part of leading a workout.

Gotta roll.  These cassette tape recordings of the traditional service ain’t gonna listen to themselves. 


Asphalt Jungle

14 men and one 2.0 braved the 8 mighty lots of St. Mary Kays Cathedral today. One FNG survived and earned a new moniker with a side of PTSD. We all sweated, abundantly.

The Thang:

  • Warmup COP
  • 10 squats, run a lap
  • move to next lot, 10 squats + a pax chosen exercise, run a lap (1/4 mile)
  • Repeato for all 8 parking lots, up to 8 exercises chosen by the pax
  • We did, squats, bicycles, merkins, lunges, burpees, hammers, and I honestly forget what else
  • Bring it back home, subtracting an exercise each time, again chosen by the pax
  • Melted Mary


I got my moneys worth. I’m not sure about the rest of you, but the final couple of laps were rough. I knew this would be a challenge, but I was not prepared for the amount of sweat leaving my body, even with the waters I had out there.

Welcome FNG “Hump Day”, named after the 55gallon Camelbak that he entered with and quickly discarded after the initial round of Side Straddle Sloshes. Strong showing.

Negative TClaps to BLC for calling the Burpees on Round 5, which meant we had to repeat them for several more rounds. We almost caught a break, because nobody could understand what he was saying. (un)Fortunately Gummy was carrying around a Redneck Rosetta Stone (pocket edition) and we figured it out.

Be right back, gotta pull this plank out of my eye.

Ok – that’s better.

Saturday beckons and Real Life > F3, so I must apologize if this seems a bit parsimonious. Hope you guys enjoyed the workout.