Author Archive Horsehead

Where Have All the Cowboys Gone?

Pax:  Fault Line, Lex, Cottontail, Spack, Puddin, Christmas, Horsehead (Q)



Where is my John Wayne
Where is my prairie song
Where is my happy ending
Where have all the cowboys gone


7 for Kevlar, beating the Gummy over/under odds from last night.  The count did not include Gummy, however, who had more important things to do.



Run around

Warm up COP

Giant Starfish with 5 burpee center.

  • L1 – Leg circuit at the benches
  • L2 – Core ciruit around the medians
  • L3 – Merkin circuit on the big hill

Repeato a few times

7s on the big hill – Merkins and Jump Squats

Mary while ½ the pax run to the big rock and back.



 As I mentioned earlier, this workout appears to be hanging on for dear life.

  • Like a last-minute bathroom booger before a big meeting.
  • Like the last mystery gel-filled pieces of a Whitman’s Sampler.
  • Like that backgammon set that you keep around because it looks “classy” but doesn’t even have Checkers on the flip side.
  • Like that Pumpkin Spice White Claw that you have in the crisper.
  • Like that Gingham Pinafore that you know you will not ever  be able to squeeze your giant rump into but you keep around because it matches those fabulous black pumps you got at Marti and Liz.
  • Like Puddin’s gray shirt


Anyway, I think you get the point.  It’s still hanging around.  What’s different between Kevlar and the list above?  Kevlar can be awesome again.   With apologies to Puddin’s shirt, none of that other stuff has a chance.  Attendance is actually trending upward, but we haven’t even hit the worst winter weather yet.  Let’s hope for a turnaround.  Show up.


From this morning, just a few observations:

The Total Body Fitness Circuit was rehashed from a previous workout that only had 3 in attendance.  It was too good for that, so we revived it.  Cottontail has already mailed out a handwritten thank you letter, although with baby #14 on the way I’m not sure how he has time to do anything else.

Puddin Pop always brings the fun.  Sometimes it’s hard to decipher what he’s saying through the miasma that he is enveloped in, but I believe that most of his comments were about pre, post, and during bowel movement activities.  I tried to take notes, but ran out of toilet paper.


Spackler admitted that he considered Header’s workout at Joust but posted Kevlar for the commentary and the backblast.  We all know what really happened that time Header tried to use the FBC Lottie Moon collection plate as a Frisbee over there – total disaster.

Did you know that James Best was in several Andy Griffith episodes before he went on to play Roscoe on the Dukes of Hazzard?  He played rising country music star Jim Lindsey, who somehow managed to get a screaming electric guitar sound out of an unplugged acoustic that he barely touched.  Guess what his real first name is?  Jewel.  He was also a black belt in karate, which helps with a first name like that.  Denver Pyle (Uncle Jesse) was also in Mayberry for a while as the Darling family Patriarch.

This backblast is going to make the Hangers On list soon, so we’ll end it here.

Post Kevlar in 2020.  Make Kevlar Great Again







Christmas with the Easter Bunny

BB on my iPhone. Got 5 mins.

Christmas, Cottontail and Horsehead for a fun filled 45 mins at Kevlar this am.

Giant Starfish around campus – kept moving for 45 mins.

Christmas led the way. CT expecting baby #14. Wow.

Microwaved Pie

Cage, Chin Music, Red Card, Stone Cold, Funky Cold, Crotch Rocket, Tackling Dummy, Arena, Tulip, Smokey, Lois, Header, Bulldog, Grits, Dollywood (LIFO), Horsehead (QIC)

A merry old time at Skunkworks today.  16 Strong for a “12 Days of Thanksgiving Leftovers” workout.

  1. 400m lap
  2. 18 swings
  3. 12 high pull
  4. 12 teabag squat
  5. 12 KB merkin
  6. 12 lawn mower
  7. 16 flutter press
  8. 12 snatch
  9. 8 lunge
  10. 10 good morning 
  11. 10 clean and press
  12. Burpee

KB < 40 lbs, add 6 reps

KB < 44 lbs, add 3 reps

Soundtrack was the 1966 John Mayall and the Blues Breakers with Eric Clapton album.

My son and I have been taking online guitar lessons together and also working on some home brew amplifier kit projects.  He’s learning about electronics as we go.  We recently completed an 18 Watt Marshall Plexi kit, which inspired the Blues Album choice for this morning.  We are both pretty novice with the guitar, but it’s been a lot of fun spending more time with my son, who will be 14 in a couple of weeks.  I don’t want to take the time I have with him at home for granted, so finding good ways to hang out together is a huge blessing.  So, if you want to hear a shaky rendition of the opening bars of some songs you never really liked, come on over.  I would encourage all of you to find a good way to bond with your kids before you ship them off to grown-up land. 

Enjoy your time with relatives this Thanksgiving.  For those travelling and staying with your folks or the in-laws, just try to make the most of it.  Search around and turn it into a treasure hunt. 

Lots of things in play:

  • Punky Brewster VHS collection
  • 27 year old bottle of Prell shampoo
  • 1973 Funk and Wagnalls Encyclopedia set w/ the “S” volume locked away
  • Fraggle Rock tank top
  • That He-Man action figure that smells like an old sock on purpose
  • Some Olan Mills portraits where three of your faces are inserted into a larger version of your face
  • Love notes to your old flame written in Iambic Pentameter
  • Assorted H.R. Pufnstuf memorabilia

Whatever you find, just make the most of it and enjoy time with your family. 

Time to run,


Stuck in a Closet with Vanna White

Pax: TR, Purell, Hoover, Voodoo, Young Love, Plasma, Stone Cold, Tulip, Bulldog, Soul Glo, Chin Music, Header, Turkey Leg, Smokey, Horsehead

13 unsuspecting souls, plus a man with an unwavering plan, and a token Q with a suspect playlist.  How could this go wrong?

Somehow, I mistook “Bring your speaker, scullion” as “Will you Q Meathead Thursday?” and it went downhill from there.  Nevertheless, we completed Day Whatever of the awful squat pyramid workout.  For those following along, this is a M/Th/Sat strength program that alternates press/squat days.  It was my first day with the double 20kg squats, which was not pretty.  Early finishers did cleans and RDLs, followed by 5 mins of snatches for the group.  The whole thing was sandwiched between two sets of rectum swallowing planks, all set to an inspiring Weird Al Yankovic greatest hits soundtrack. 

The Pax are getting this thing together, and I’m seeing a lot of improvement.  The swings are looking a little less Charles Barkley and more Tiger Woods (except on Thanksgiving 2009).  I think only 50% of the group soiled themselves during the squats today, which is a 50% improvement.  I only soiled 50% of myself and it was 50% into the workout, so that figures in somehow.  Basically, dudes be getting swole up in here.  Bulldog has been carrying around dual gallon jugs of BROrotein mix with his sleeves rolled up that he can simultaneously ingest and curl throughout the day.  Smokey had to go up a hat size after only one workout.  Turkey Leg flat busted out of his GI Joe onesie and it was a little uncomfortable at first, but we just went with it. 

In order to deal with this massive swolishness, I think we are going to have to step up the eating.  I’ve been watching this British Baking Show on Netflix and they call cookies biscuits over there.  So, if you go home tonight, smack the M on the arse and tell her to “fetch you a batch of biscuits” she’s likely to punch you in the mouth and not bring you Oreos instead of Bojangles from what I understand.   Give it a run and text me.

Speaking of texting and getting punched by someone’s wife, It seems that Header finally upgraded his Blackberry 47, to a limited edition Jerry Fallwell skinned Iphone 3 with the Teletubby case.   A bonus is that somehow his 4:30AM texts to his best Bro Chin Music are actually going to Chin’s M.  I can Only Imagine the awkwardness.  #MercyMe. It was good to have them both back, however.  When they didn’t show on Monday, I thought that they had gotten raptured on Sunday evening and we were all living in a Tim LaHaye book.   Turns out they were in a dispute over whos role was supposed to be played by Kirk Cameron, which ended up in some heated texts between Header and Chin’s M.  Nobody got any biscuits. 

The Weird Al stuff is fantastic.  It’s weird, that’s a given, but also genius.  I was blasting “White and Nerdy” in the garage while soldering a new power circuit into a 1976  Fender Champ tube amplifier last night and it was both catchy and incriminatory.  The amp needs a properly matched driver, as someone butchered it with an 8 ohm Radio Shack special that is causing the tubes to overwork.  The power switch was shorted to ground and someone had installed a 15A fuse instead of the 1A which was not a good idea.  I’m off on a trail here, but once the glue on the tolex repair sets and the new Warehouse Guitar driver comes in we will have something special that can’t be replicated by solid state electronics. 

Speaking of Tiger Rag, master of puppets, he’s back in full force.  I think he is the McRib of A51.  You don’t know how long the limited time offering will last, but it sure is good when it’s here.  Let’s hope it sticks around for a while.  I’m stocking up. 

It’s time for some lukewarm Hawaiian Punch in the metal can and a Moon Pie. 



I have about had it with this temperamental tag list. I type, it disappears, then it comes back. We do this dance. I lose. We all lose. Paging Wingman. when you get done processing the 1000 Waxhaw backblasts from today, please open a service ticket on this item.

PAX: Gummy, Cage (R), Bulldog, TD, Scott Farkus, Puddin Pop, Schmedium, Fault Line, Double E, Cottontail, Cottonmouth, BLC (R), Homer, Harley, Horsehead (QIC)

15 at Kevlar, including a few #SIxFourteeners, took advantage of one of the last appropriate days of the year to wear white shoes. 

Six Fourteener: siks fôrˈtēn er – A man who keeps plenty of gas in the tank during the course of a workout either by holding back, or simply refuseniking certain parts, such that he can sprint vigorously at the very end while others are running on fumes.  See: Scott Farkus, Tackling Dummy


  • Run around a bit, with purpose
  • Warmup (completed by some) – standard COP
  • 10/20/30s with a trip up the stairs – repeat 3 times
  • Extended Beast along the back drive with a burpee finisher – OH YES WE DID
  • Timekiller sprints to the rock – 6:14ers unite
  • 2MOM


The standard for acceptable COP exercises has gotten mighty, mighty thin.  It was almost as if certain PAX were issued remote controls with a skip button, which they pointed towards me as I attempted to get everybody warmed up appropriately.  I, for one, think that the traditional SSH  (sans coupon, of course) is a fantastic way to get the blood moving around a little bit before a workout and shall not be deterred, although there was quite the void of alacrity in the air.   

This morning, we were delighted with 66% of the TriFusenik posting, plus Gummy, filling in for #BIgHairyGloss and playing the role of Shemp Howard.   Now we all know that Shemp < Curly , but at least it wasn’t Curly-Joe.  That’s getting into Vance & Coy Duke territory.  Also see:  any Andy Griffith episode in color.  We made it work. 

Cage, who is pushing pert near 60 these days, had on some sort of black biker doo-rag.  He looked like one of the Final Bosses from Double Dragon who had the girl kidnapped.  He was moving too fast for me to use my jump-roundhouse.  Cottontail finally knocked him out with a butter churn and we high-tailed it out of there.  Ahhh . . . brings back memories of blowing in Nintendo cartridges so we could foul up my cousin’s Duck Hunt high score with a secret flashlight. 

At one point during the 10/20/30s, (which as a sidenote Joker only has a patent on the variety that involves a lot of partner touching), Bulldog engaged BLC in a one-sided conversation.  I’m suspecting that since the Dawg has a house full of relatives visiting from across-the-pond that his moderately-translatable accent has fallen into disarray to the point where most of us are only able to pick out bits and pieces.  A “mate” here and a “pal” there and Bob’s your Uncle, you know the drill.  Well, I’m not sure what BLC heard but it was possibly something about the high potash content in his fertilizer (you know, the K part) because he just deadpan looked over at him and ran off.    Tower of Babel. 

I hope you all enjoyed this break from BRR training.  Soon will be the time for red-eyed wandering down the aisles of Ingles in search of chili-tater antecode and respite from the mysteriously wet port-o-johns where you dropped your blinky light and had to fish around for it on the floor.  Good thing our team fell apart.  Hannibal tried to set up a reunion weekend, but after 1000 group texts the final verdict was just he and I alone in the cabin at some point and we can do that just about anywhere. 

And by the way, for you knuckleheads who are too cool to write backblasts these days. Here’s why they are important:

  1. They engage new pax and give them something to look forward to after their first few posts. It’s always good to get your name mentioned on the internet, isn’t it?
  2. We have a number of guys who have gone away for a spell, IR or otherwise. Many of them still read the Backblasts and it gives them something to reconnect with.
  3. It helps new Qs form ideas for how to lead their workouts.
  4. Hops needs something to do.
  5. Many others. Get it done. They are part of leading a workout.

Gotta roll.  These cassette tape recordings of the traditional service ain’t gonna listen to themselves. 


Asphalt Jungle

14 men and one 2.0 braved the 8 mighty lots of St. Mary Kays Cathedral today. One FNG survived and earned a new moniker with a side of PTSD. We all sweated, abundantly.

The Thang:

  • Warmup COP
  • 10 squats, run a lap
  • move to next lot, 10 squats + a pax chosen exercise, run a lap (1/4 mile)
  • Repeato for all 8 parking lots, up to 8 exercises chosen by the pax
  • We did, squats, bicycles, merkins, lunges, burpees, hammers, and I honestly forget what else
  • Bring it back home, subtracting an exercise each time, again chosen by the pax
  • Melted Mary


I got my moneys worth. I’m not sure about the rest of you, but the final couple of laps were rough. I knew this would be a challenge, but I was not prepared for the amount of sweat leaving my body, even with the waters I had out there.

Welcome FNG “Hump Day”, named after the 55gallon Camelbak that he entered with and quickly discarded after the initial round of Side Straddle Sloshes. Strong showing.

Negative TClaps to BLC for calling the Burpees on Round 5, which meant we had to repeat them for several more rounds. We almost caught a break, because nobody could understand what he was saying. (un)Fortunately Gummy was carrying around a Redneck Rosetta Stone (pocket edition) and we figured it out.

Be right back, gotta pull this plank out of my eye.

Ok – that’s better.

Saturday beckons and Real Life > F3, so I must apologize if this seems a bit parsimonious. Hope you guys enjoyed the workout.


2nd Hand Smokers Teeth

Current Status:

  • Hops: Vigorously refreshing browser to see when BB is posted
  • Header: Furiously writing last 7 backblasts
  • TR: Indubitably watching WHAM videos on YouTube
  • Turkey Leg: Suspiciously Supergluing newly formed calluses back on
  • Chin Music: Regrettably remembering those double snatches
  • VooDoo: Unfortunately realizing that this morning was his fault
  • Hoover: Likely still doubled over laughing
  • Victoria: Seriously wondering what just happened
  • Baracus: Definitely not running (hang in there buddy)
  • Horsehead: Painfully realizing that I don’t normally do this much of the workout


  • Warmup without kettlebells, that some people skipped completely.
  • (10 merkins + 20 swings) * (5 sets)
  • 1-10 Ladder – Row, Swing, Goblet, Thruster
  • 30 Swings
  • 1-10 Ladder – 1H Swing, Clean, High Pull, Snatch
  • 30 Swings
  • Clean & Press Ladder
  • Snatch to Clean to Racked Squat Ladder
  • 30 Swings
  • RDLs
  • Sweat Ladder
  • Shakes


Despite my best efforts, today eventually landed upon us and now we are all wondering what really happened out there this morning. I’m still not completely sure, but here are a few nuggets:

  • Hops made his annual MeatHead trip for the purposes of shovelflag shaming and complaining about his injuries pre, during, and post workout. He’s always looking for that one quote to bring it home, and I think he keeps a journal of the dumb things that I allegedly say. Somehow, 2nd Hand Smokers Teeth came into play this morning. I’m not exactly sure what the context was, but it may have to do with TR’s self-proclaimed buttery whites.
  • The 80’s movie soundtrack was a huge hit, and the pax demonstrated some freakish knowledge of accompanying cultural references. Andrew Ridgeley being the 2nd member of WHAM! was likely the crown jewel of this inutile knowledge. Thanks TR. I’m glad I watched that YouTube video also.
  • Hoover seemed skeptical when I suggested the medical benefits of SuperGlue for chemically suturing wounds. I’m not sure why you wouldn’t trust me for your medical needs, after all we’ve been through together, but you have to make those decisions yourself.
  • Turkey Leg, on the other hand, just texted me and has somehow superglued himself to, well . . . himself. It’s complicated and a bit embarrassing. Somebody needs to call somebody to do something after we get some photos.
  • Nobody complained that Werewolves of London was technically a late 70’s tune that somehow got added to the list.
  • It’s nice that they just repaved the parking lot. It’s almost as if somebody has been pushing farming implements around on the asphalt. Suspicious.
  • My hands are still shaking a bit. Feels like I just hit an extra large range bucket of Dunlop DDHs with some Spalding blades.

If you know someone going through a tough time, don’t ask them if there is anything you can do. That’s a thoughtless gift card that never gets cashed in. You need to show up and serve them somehow, even it it means getting treated like a servant.

P.S. Here’s the playlist:

Until next time,



Have you ever went over a friends house to eat
And the food just ain’t no good?
I mean the macaroni’s soggy, the peas are mushed
And the chicken tastes like wood

Wonder Mike

6 packs of soggy, store-brand macaroni posted for this edition of Kevlar. Powered by mysterious orange cheese dust, we plunged deep into the gloom and emerged several lbs lighter. It was so worth it.


Extended starfish with 5 burpee center around campus. One demo run and one fo realz run. Lots of setup for a somewhat unremarkable punchline.

Hill work

10/20/30s at the sweat box with some cemetery runs

Run around in the parking lot some.

Hill work

AYG back to start for Mary

Maybe some things I forgot, because I was straight making this up as we went.


Today continues to be quite busy, so this one will be short.

I don’t have a lot of commentary on this one, other than it was quite mushy out there and we sweated a lot. Gummy kept me entertained and everyone put in some good work.

My neighbor offered me some LaCroix the other day, and it was possibly the worst thing I have ever consumed. The flavor was Pamplemousse, which is the French word for grapefruit. I didn’t know that there was a way to make grapefruit taste any more horrible, but they have succeeded. No TClaps for you Lacroix. No wonder your stock has tanked. I think that everyone just realized that it tastes like when the soda machine runs out of Coke.

Enjoy the weekend fellas.



The Taxidermy Vending Machine

11, including a FNG who was somehow smookered into a pre-workout run with Dollywood, gathered for an event that everyone has had on their calendars for quite a long time.

The ArboWIB.


Run from the worst AO in South Charlotte #Gummy to somewhere even worse, do a quick almost-planned workout, and run back. The workout consisted of 2 miles of weaving around like a snake doing escalating exercises while Smokey looked for his hat. It was fantastic.


This has been in the works for like, forever. Well, at least since yesterday. The workout component was mostly planned at 5:15Am while driving by the Arboretum. Anyway, I think it was a success. I got around 4 miles and a good sweat going, especially on the mile run back.

Before we started, Header and TR were discussing all things Jeep. TR installed some weaponized paint scrapers on the side of the Great Pumpkin, as well as an oil slick and smoke screen emitter #spyhunter. He was last seen driving up a ramp into the back of a moving van. Factually, I believe that the paint scrapers are some sort of aftermarket footpeg device that you are supposed to use to stick your leg out of the side of the moving vehicle so that giant bugs can fly up your underwear leg before it is amputated by another vehicle. Either option sounds a bit dangerous for my tastes.

Double E rolled in with his new Fire Engine giant truck with the mini-bed completely filled with ancient computer parts. He was in search of a giant pile of America Online CDs that he had buried at the Middle School back in 1999 and a paid license for Netscape Navigator.

The covert-ops construction going on at Petco forced a slight audible on the laps. It looked like they were installing some new Taxidermy Vending Machines near the entrance. In goes Fluffy, out comes Stuffy.

Smokey’s general practice of wearing a filthy cap for COP and then dropping it on the ground during the workout didn’t pay off this time (like it ever pays off). A dutiful ArboJanitor scooped it up and it was headed for either the dumpster or his collection before our quick-thinking brother bribed it back off of him with a lukewarm bottle of Night Train that he found in his glove box the bushes.

Welcome FNG “Ghost Town” who left as mysteriously as he arrived. For those unaware, Ghost Town In The Sky is somewhat of a counterpart to Dollywood as far as terrible theme parks go. However, it has been closed down since the early 2000s. Good memories.

I attempted to make a couple of Strava segments. Somehow, stinking JRR Tolkien automatically got 1st place on both of them even though he was not there. For some reason, I am not surprised. Gummy takes 2nd place of those who used Strava.

Thanks everyone for participating in this experiment.


Death Valley Preblast – The ARBOWIB

Tomorrow, we unleash something that has never been done before. Well, except that it has, and it failed miserably #SOFAWIB, and I never once posted there.

Howevs . . . given that working out at the Arboreteum ABC store draws forth such fond memories of #Jevlar days bygone and knowing that introducing another AMRAP workout on a Wednesday makes no sense whatsoever, I present without delay:

The ArboWIB (seriously, somebody come up with a better name)

  • 5:30AM Launch from SCMS – 1 mile to the Arbo ABC store
  • AMRAP loop consisting of things I will tell you to do tomorrow.
  • 6:05 AM, run 1 mile back

Why hasn’t nobody thunk of this before?