Author Archive Horsehead

6:14

I have about had it with this temperamental tag list. I type, it disappears, then it comes back. We do this dance. I lose. We all lose. Paging Wingman. when you get done processing the 1000 Waxhaw backblasts from today, please open a service ticket on this item.

PAX: Gummy, Cage (R), Bulldog, TD, Scott Farkus, Puddin Pop, Schmedium, Fault Line, Double E, Cottontail, Cottonmouth, BLC (R), Homer, Harley, Horsehead (QIC)

15 at Kevlar, including a few #SIxFourteeners, took advantage of one of the last appropriate days of the year to wear white shoes. 


Six Fourteener: siks fôrˈtēn er – A man who keeps plenty of gas in the tank during the course of a workout either by holding back, or simply refuseniking certain parts, such that he can sprint vigorously at the very end while others are running on fumes.  See: Scott Farkus, Tackling Dummy

THE THANG:

  • Run around a bit, with purpose
  • Warmup (completed by some) – standard COP
  • 10/20/30s with a trip up the stairs – repeat 3 times
  • Extended Beast along the back drive with a burpee finisher – OH YES WE DID
  • Timekiller sprints to the rock – 6:14ers unite
  • 2MOM

SKIN SO SOFT:

The standard for acceptable COP exercises has gotten mighty, mighty thin.  It was almost as if certain PAX were issued remote controls with a skip button, which they pointed towards me as I attempted to get everybody warmed up appropriately.  I, for one, think that the traditional SSH  (sans coupon, of course) is a fantastic way to get the blood moving around a little bit before a workout and shall not be deterred, although there was quite the void of alacrity in the air.   

This morning, we were delighted with 66% of the TriFusenik posting, plus Gummy, filling in for #BIgHairyGloss and playing the role of Shemp Howard.   Now we all know that Shemp < Curly , but at least it wasn’t Curly-Joe.  That’s getting into Vance & Coy Duke territory.  Also see:  any Andy Griffith episode in color.  We made it work. 

Cage, who is pushing pert near 60 these days, had on some sort of black biker doo-rag.  He looked like one of the Final Bosses from Double Dragon who had the girl kidnapped.  He was moving too fast for me to use my jump-roundhouse.  Cottontail finally knocked him out with a butter churn and we high-tailed it out of there.  Ahhh . . . brings back memories of blowing in Nintendo cartridges so we could foul up my cousin’s Duck Hunt high score with a secret flashlight. 

At one point during the 10/20/30s, (which as a sidenote Joker only has a patent on the variety that involves a lot of partner touching), Bulldog engaged BLC in a one-sided conversation.  I’m suspecting that since the Dawg has a house full of relatives visiting from across-the-pond that his moderately-translatable accent has fallen into disarray to the point where most of us are only able to pick out bits and pieces.  A “mate” here and a “pal” there and Bob’s your Uncle, you know the drill.  Well, I’m not sure what BLC heard but it was possibly something about the high potash content in his fertilizer (you know, the K part) because he just deadpan looked over at him and ran off.    Tower of Babel. 

I hope you all enjoyed this break from BRR training.  Soon will be the time for red-eyed wandering down the aisles of Ingles in search of chili-tater antecode and respite from the mysteriously wet port-o-johns where you dropped your blinky light and had to fish around for it on the floor.  Good thing our team fell apart.  Hannibal tried to set up a reunion weekend, but after 1000 group texts the final verdict was just he and I alone in the cabin at some point and we can do that just about anywhere. 

And by the way, for you knuckleheads who are too cool to write backblasts these days. Here’s why they are important:

  1. They engage new pax and give them something to look forward to after their first few posts. It’s always good to get your name mentioned on the internet, isn’t it?
  2. We have a number of guys who have gone away for a spell, IR or otherwise. Many of them still read the Backblasts and it gives them something to reconnect with.
  3. It helps new Qs form ideas for how to lead their workouts.
  4. Hops needs something to do.
  5. Many others. Get it done. They are part of leading a workout.

Gotta roll.  These cassette tape recordings of the traditional service ain’t gonna listen to themselves. 

HH

Asphalt Jungle

14 men and one 2.0 braved the 8 mighty lots of St. Mary Kays Cathedral today. One FNG survived and earned a new moniker with a side of PTSD. We all sweated, abundantly.

The Thang:

  • Warmup COP
  • 10 squats, run a lap
  • move to next lot, 10 squats + a pax chosen exercise, run a lap (1/4 mile)
  • Repeato for all 8 parking lots, up to 8 exercises chosen by the pax
  • We did, squats, bicycles, merkins, lunges, burpees, hammers, and I honestly forget what else
  • Bring it back home, subtracting an exercise each time, again chosen by the pax
  • Melted Mary

MansplainSkin:

I got my moneys worth. I’m not sure about the rest of you, but the final couple of laps were rough. I knew this would be a challenge, but I was not prepared for the amount of sweat leaving my body, even with the waters I had out there.

Welcome FNG “Hump Day”, named after the 55gallon Camelbak that he entered with and quickly discarded after the initial round of Side Straddle Sloshes. Strong showing.

Negative TClaps to BLC for calling the Burpees on Round 5, which meant we had to repeat them for several more rounds. We almost caught a break, because nobody could understand what he was saying. (un)Fortunately Gummy was carrying around a Redneck Rosetta Stone (pocket edition) and we figured it out.

Be right back, gotta pull this plank out of my eye.

Ok – that’s better.

Saturday beckons and Real Life > F3, so I must apologize if this seems a bit parsimonious. Hope you guys enjoyed the workout.

HH

2nd Hand Smokers Teeth

Current Status:

  • Hops: Vigorously refreshing browser to see when BB is posted
  • Header: Furiously writing last 7 backblasts
  • TR: Indubitably watching WHAM videos on YouTube
  • Turkey Leg: Suspiciously Supergluing newly formed calluses back on
  • Chin Music: Regrettably remembering those double snatches
  • VooDoo: Unfortunately realizing that this morning was his fault
  • Hoover: Likely still doubled over laughing
  • Victoria: Seriously wondering what just happened
  • Baracus: Definitely not running (hang in there buddy)
  • Horsehead: Painfully realizing that I don’t normally do this much of the workout

THANG:

  • Warmup without kettlebells, that some people skipped completely.
  • (10 merkins + 20 swings) * (5 sets)
  • 1-10 Ladder – Row, Swing, Goblet, Thruster
  • 30 Swings
  • 1-10 Ladder – 1H Swing, Clean, High Pull, Snatch
  • 30 Swings
  • Clean & Press Ladder
  • Snatch to Clean to Racked Squat Ladder
  • 30 Swings
  • RDLs
  • Sweat Ladder
  • Shakes

SKIN:

Despite my best efforts, today eventually landed upon us and now we are all wondering what really happened out there this morning. I’m still not completely sure, but here are a few nuggets:

  • Hops made his annual MeatHead trip for the purposes of shovelflag shaming and complaining about his injuries pre, during, and post workout. He’s always looking for that one quote to bring it home, and I think he keeps a journal of the dumb things that I allegedly say. Somehow, 2nd Hand Smokers Teeth came into play this morning. I’m not exactly sure what the context was, but it may have to do with TR’s self-proclaimed buttery whites.
  • The 80’s movie soundtrack was a huge hit, and the pax demonstrated some freakish knowledge of accompanying cultural references. Andrew Ridgeley being the 2nd member of WHAM! was likely the crown jewel of this inutile knowledge. Thanks TR. I’m glad I watched that YouTube video also.
  • Hoover seemed skeptical when I suggested the medical benefits of SuperGlue for chemically suturing wounds. I’m not sure why you wouldn’t trust me for your medical needs, after all we’ve been through together, but you have to make those decisions yourself.
  • Turkey Leg, on the other hand, just texted me and has somehow superglued himself to, well . . . himself. It’s complicated and a bit embarrassing. Somebody needs to call somebody to do something after we get some photos.
  • Nobody complained that Werewolves of London was technically a late 70’s tune that somehow got added to the list.
  • It’s nice that they just repaved the parking lot. It’s almost as if somebody has been pushing farming implements around on the asphalt. Suspicious.
  • My hands are still shaking a bit. Feels like I just hit an extra large range bucket of Dunlop DDHs with some Spalding blades.

If you know someone going through a tough time, don’t ask them if there is anything you can do. That’s a thoughtless gift card that never gets cashed in. You need to show up and serve them somehow, even it it means getting treated like a servant.

P.S. Here’s the playlist:

Until next time,

Horsehead

Pamplemousse

Have you ever went over a friends house to eat
And the food just ain’t no good?
I mean the macaroni’s soggy, the peas are mushed
And the chicken tastes like wood

Wonder Mike

6 packs of soggy, store-brand macaroni posted for this edition of Kevlar. Powered by mysterious orange cheese dust, we plunged deep into the gloom and emerged several lbs lighter. It was so worth it.

THANG:

Extended starfish with 5 burpee center around campus. One demo run and one fo realz run. Lots of setup for a somewhat unremarkable punchline.

Hill work

10/20/30s at the sweat box with some cemetery runs

Run around in the parking lot some.

Hill work

AYG back to start for Mary

Maybe some things I forgot, because I was straight making this up as we went.

SKIN:

Today continues to be quite busy, so this one will be short.

I don’t have a lot of commentary on this one, other than it was quite mushy out there and we sweated a lot. Gummy kept me entertained and everyone put in some good work.

My neighbor offered me some LaCroix the other day, and it was possibly the worst thing I have ever consumed. The flavor was Pamplemousse, which is the French word for grapefruit. I didn’t know that there was a way to make grapefruit taste any more horrible, but they have succeeded. No TClaps for you Lacroix. No wonder your stock has tanked. I think that everyone just realized that it tastes like when the soda machine runs out of Coke.

Enjoy the weekend fellas.

Love,

Horsehead

The Taxidermy Vending Machine

11, including a FNG who was somehow smookered into a pre-workout run with Dollywood, gathered for an event that everyone has had on their calendars for quite a long time.

The ArboWIB.

Thang:

Run from the worst AO in South Charlotte #Gummy to somewhere even worse, do a quick almost-planned workout, and run back. The workout consisted of 2 miles of weaving around like a snake doing escalating exercises while Smokey looked for his hat. It was fantastic.

Skin:

This has been in the works for like, forever. Well, at least since yesterday. The workout component was mostly planned at 5:15Am while driving by the Arboretum. Anyway, I think it was a success. I got around 4 miles and a good sweat going, especially on the mile run back.

Before we started, Header and TR were discussing all things Jeep. TR installed some weaponized paint scrapers on the side of the Great Pumpkin, as well as an oil slick and smoke screen emitter #spyhunter. He was last seen driving up a ramp into the back of a moving van. Factually, I believe that the paint scrapers are some sort of aftermarket footpeg device that you are supposed to use to stick your leg out of the side of the moving vehicle so that giant bugs can fly up your underwear leg before it is amputated by another vehicle. Either option sounds a bit dangerous for my tastes.

Double E rolled in with his new Fire Engine giant truck with the mini-bed completely filled with ancient computer parts. He was in search of a giant pile of America Online CDs that he had buried at the Middle School back in 1999 and a paid license for Netscape Navigator.

The covert-ops construction going on at Petco forced a slight audible on the laps. It looked like they were installing some new Taxidermy Vending Machines near the entrance. In goes Fluffy, out comes Stuffy.

Smokey’s general practice of wearing a filthy cap for COP and then dropping it on the ground during the workout didn’t pay off this time (like it ever pays off). A dutiful ArboJanitor scooped it up and it was headed for either the dumpster or his collection before our quick-thinking brother bribed it back off of him with a lukewarm bottle of Night Train that he found in his glove box the bushes.

Welcome FNG “Ghost Town” who left as mysteriously as he arrived. For those unaware, Ghost Town In The Sky is somewhat of a counterpart to Dollywood as far as terrible theme parks go. However, it has been closed down since the early 2000s. Good memories.

I attempted to make a couple of Strava segments. Somehow, stinking JRR Tolkien automatically got 1st place on both of them even though he was not there. For some reason, I am not surprised. Gummy takes 2nd place of those who used Strava.

https://www.strava.com/segments/20855518

https://www.strava.com/segments/20855700

Thanks everyone for participating in this experiment.

Horsehead

Death Valley Preblast – The ARBOWIB

Tomorrow, we unleash something that has never been done before. Well, except that it has, and it failed miserably #SOFAWIB, and I never once posted there.

Howevs . . . given that working out at the Arboreteum ABC store draws forth such fond memories of #Jevlar days bygone and knowing that introducing another AMRAP workout on a Wednesday makes no sense whatsoever, I present without delay:

The ArboWIB (seriously, somebody come up with a better name)

  • 5:30AM Launch from SCMS – 1 mile to the Arbo ABC store
  • AMRAP loop consisting of things I will tell you to do tomorrow.
  • 6:05 AM, run 1 mile back

Why hasn’t nobody thunk of this before?

Horsehead

To Not To Recover

6 cowpokes plus a couple extras chose to not recover today, cause ya know, it’s horsey season. Things got more awkward than Kawhi Leonard’s laugh when Brady asked “where are you running today?” Ummmm, up? I’d pretend I didn’t know where he planned to go, but full disclosure, I did run his alternate route (around a legit gold mine) a few months back…BEFORE horsey season. Lots of folks (including Chester) seemingly spooked by a faulty forecast for rain. The six guys that came for the hills got em. Short warmup jaunt up Old Bell to the bottom of Blue Ridge. Repeat the Blue Ridge hill to the non-luminated flagpole x5. Carry on around Mountainview up to the yucca x5, down and around Chester’s casa to Sardis and Wilby for 5x back up Wilby. OYO hills til 6:10 and back to the flag for the pledge.


Some observations. Never met Taff before today. 10/10 beard on the guy. Throw in the accent and the pickup truck. Did we just become best friends? Dude was grinding.. 


Prohibition and Egypt were twinsies in their matching 2015 Chicago Marathon shirzeys. It was cute. Pro disappeared for a while heading towards Chester’s house. Rough neighborhood to go unaccounted for in… Egypt was pushing the pace all morning with Federalist right on his heels.
Horsehead got snatched up like Jessica Simpson’s Maltipoo by an abnormally large screech owl swooping down from the trees.


Chester was M.I.A. Felt like you got cheated and only part of the experience. Lord willing, he’ll be back next week.


Brady and Funky Cold ran around for an hour and ended up back in the parking lot at the end. Parking’s getting tight in the Horsey lot. Get there early next week for prime parking.


Tater Tot on Q next week. Saddle up.

Hairball

What Goes Around . . .

Nothing in life is so exhilarating as to be shot at without result.

Winston Churchill and, possibly, Bugs Bunny

I deciphered 11 from my voice recording, and Sparta claimed 13, with a total count of 21. None of these numbers add up, which seems about right for what happened today, so we’ll go with it.

THANG:

Warmup meandering around the campus to get things flowing.

COP behind First Baptist Matthews. SSH, IW, and some “Sharon Towers” that should probably be renamed to “Plantation Estates” for this locale. We also Petered and Parkered if I recall correctly.

Crazy 8s: Run a big figure eight with eight merkins on one end and eight LBCs at the other. Do it . . . .wait for it . . . eight times. After you finish eight rounds, pick up the six to make nine. Then get on your six for three sets of Mary. Whew.

Mosey over to the new Fisher Price picnic tables, but not before we attempt Boondock’s Rail Slide challenge. Hands on the one handrail and feet on the other, attempt a spider man side-shuffle from one end of the other. Lots of lounge-walkers refusniking this jewel. I suppose that’s a taste of my own medicine.

Joker 10/20/30 on the tables – Squats (with butt level gauge), Little Haze, and Farrokh Bulsara

Finally, suicides in the big lot. Assorted merkins for first set, and burpees for the 2nd (which I was baited into by Sardine, who then promptly refusniked them #troll). Couple of AYG gassers to deal the fatality blow. Boondock smoked us on the gassers, but Smokey was not far behind. Seems about right – a 13 year followed by a 50 year old man, and then the rest of us. You know who else can move, Lois “Freight Train” Johnston. We tried to bait Benny into a foot race on Slack, but I don’t think there’s anything else to prove here.

SKIN:

I’ve skinned the thang a bit already, so just a few more observations here.

  • Somehow, Big League Chew staggered into COP after running with the Sparta whippets. I think he saw Gypsy’s decked out shovel flag and got snookered into thinking he was at some sort of log-carrying Ruck-o-Matic festival, but boy was he in for a surprise. Well, at least that’s what I think happened. It’s on the internet now.
  • There was a fair piece of Refusniking from the Peak51 gentlemen today, mostly surrounding the suspicious handrail crawling and all things burpees. I suppose I deserve this a bit. Modify as needed.
  • I read somewhere that folks were getting all serious-like with their workouts and complaining that people were actually talking amongst themselves during such. You know where talking don’t belong? Urinals. That’s where. So unless you’re pulling up beside to me to take a wee (and you’d best skip a space if one is open), then feel free to chat my ear off as long as you can keep up (which ain’t hard). These are my rulez though, and may not apply to your workouts. If you have a problem with that, take it up with Gordon Shumway, who’s really in charge #Alftan
  • Here’s my take about the Moderate workout sites. These guys can handle anything you throw at them, as long as you don’t run all over creation and string everyone out. Keep it in the lot and go as hard as you want and they’ll be right there.
  • Great crew. Slim has inspired a lot of guys to do more than they ever thought possible with his encouragement (and suspect representation of BRR terrain), and Sensei has reinforced that with his actions. Geraldo and Lois probably did something that I’m also sure was important so keep that in mind.

Toodles,

Horsehead

HR Zone 5

Do what you can with what you have

Teddy Roosevelt

Do what you can with what you have, unless you’re in the bathtub

Bill Watterson

I hate you.

Benny

Is this a running workout?

Gypsy

I read every backblast and I am even more confused about this site.

Maybe

I have no idea why I am here.

Prohibition

No.

Hairball (after the Q mentioned some optional exercises between the intervals)

I didn’t get to bed until 7:30PM, last night. This should be a 45min workout.

Chelms aka George Burns

9 went against their better judgement and posted at the season-opener of HorseyMcHorseArse, the workout that can only be underperformed by its name.

THANG:

Run to the lighted flagpost, give instructions (so Hairball doesn’t have to wait on the rest of us), and then take the long loop as a warmup.

After that, 3 out and back loops from the flag – repeato till 6:10. 15 merkins/15LBCs after each loop (optional)

  • Chester
  • Manhole
  • Top o’ the Mount

Run back

4.5-7.5 miles of badness, depending on speed and hand cleanliness.

SKIN:

I suppose the BRR may be headed the way of the Mud Run. Anyways, I still think that a weekly dose of horrible hills does the body good so we’ll keep Horsey going for another season and see what happens.

Missing a lot of the regulars from years past today. Perhaps the perfect 65deg conditions were too inviting. Don’t worry, 90% humidity will be upon us soon and this thing will get even better.

Hairball was pawing his foot during instructions and took off like the 3rd monkey in line for the ark as soon as we lifted the gate. He said something about “Adam” holding him back and not letting him run without a shirt. “Smothered” That was all I got before he faded away. Strava maps do show a strange entrance into the wooded area, so perhaps he was abducted by aliens and this was not the real Hairball talking.

Maybe seemed confused about a few things, which is not surprising given his confession of reading every single McHorse backblast for the past 3 years. We tried to get Chester to peek for him, but there were no confirmed sightings. We did smell a wisp of Pall Mall aroma and saw some lights turn on, so there is hope. Keep hope alive.

Benny seemed to be enjoying himself and took option C between the intervals, which was to roll around on the pavement and talk to the flagpole. I think they forged a friendship, but I’m not sure how deep it goes.

During the trip up to the Top O’ the Mount, my HR monitor turned purple and started flashing wildly something about Zone 5. I think that means that I reached a new fitness level and can enter some warp zones now. I’m hitting the pipes and going 1-2 to 4-2 to 8-1 next time.

My post-workout tweet was “liked” by somebody in Chester, England. With Chelms at the workout and Trump allegedly at Buckingham Palace today I’m thinking that there is some sort of connection here that may involve the Mona Lisa and the Resolute Desks (although I heard the 2nd one wasn’t in the palace anymore). Still digging here.

Hairball on Q next week. Gonna be easy.

Until next time – Horsehead

P.S. If you want to run a 5K race on any day of the week this summer, Gypsy can hook you up.

RubyQ

8 curious individuals who either don’t check the Q schedule or have a blistering penchant for schadenfreude showed up. I think we all made it back. Parts of me did, anyway.

THANG:

  • 1 mile warmup to CC Church.
  • 7s around the medians, Nascar style
  • Hill suicides to the imaginary fence
  • 1 mile down Spooky Retirement Trail
  • Awful hill loop by the big white house on Talbot X2
  • Back to launch for some gassers #timekiller
  • 5 and some change except those who know who they are

SKIN:

Pretty fast crowd this AM with Smoker, Orange Nip, and Skunky out front. I led by explanation, not by example, as I was in the cavern of pain for the final throes. Strong, sweaty work by all.

There was a pretty good chunk of material out there today, but I ain’t got all day, so I’ll just hit the high points.

Awena Nodoors is rolling around Myrtle Beach Polo Club style already. He’s checked out of his day job and has the kids watching Kirk Cameron movies on repeat all day at school. I hear things. Don’t you love it when hundreds of people ask if you are ready for summer?

Not to be outdone, Orange Nip jogs up with the beach body tank T on, flexin the guns. He was pretty proud of himself, strutting around like a rooster after some giggling females gave him a shoutout mid-workout. We didn’t have the heart to tell him that his favorite nipple had already shorn clean off and he was leaving a red streak right down the front of his camisole. He’ll claim that this was after the catcalls, but who you gonna trust?

If you participated in the mid-pack festivities, which I took a large sampling of, you were privy to Stone Cold’s Uber experience that featured two guys in suits, a barefoot driver, and a mysterious dog named RubyQ who nestled in the backseat with the riders. Apparently the dog was rescued from a crackhouse, or maybe the driver was? Either way, it seemed like a fantastic experience. 4.5 stars.

I’m not mentioning any names, but if you have workout clothing that you have been wearing for multiple years that reeks like a dead liquified armadillo then please do us a favor and hit up your local Ross or Marshalls for an upgrade. Sometimes you can’t wash out the demons, you just gotta make it go away.

Tweetsie declared his entry into the New River 1/2 Marathon in a few weeks. Blistering heat, ridiculous elevation changes, and bears. Sounds lovely.

The Coca Cola 600 is coming up, and it reminds me of a story. My BIL and a friend took my nephew and some other kids to the race a couple of years ago and whilst amidst the huge crowds trying to get in, my nephew decided that he needed to use the Port-A-John. He finally gets a turn, and then proceeds to take an inordinate amount of time to complete his activity, which everyone initially assumed was a quick #1. When it dawned BIL that the kid was taking a leisurely #2 on the filthiest toilet known to man, he started screaming through the plastic vents at him – “WHAT ARE YOU DOING! NOBODY DOES THAT! WHO DOES THAT!” The outcome was a slightly shaken up family unit, but no long term damage from what we can tell. Anyway, the moral of this story is something profound that I have forgotten, but it was funny..

This buy-one-get-one Breakfast Pizza from QuickTrip is not gonna eat itself.

Best Wishes,

HH