Author Archive HIPAA

Four Score and Seven Burpees Ago….. A Very Lincoln Beatdown


Four Score and Seven Burpees Ago…..

Image result for abraham lincoln


Launch Conditions: 55-ish degrees. Damp, but free from precipitation.
Pax: Snowflake, Prohibition, Fallout, Mr. Magoo, Snuka, Mermaid, Lorax, Brilleaux, Runstopper, Point Break, HIPAA

Mileage: 1.76 miles

Difficulty: Teddy.

Disclaimer: Given and legally accurate. Fun Fact: Abraham Lincoln practiced law without a degree. He only had 18 months of formal schooling.

The Workout:

Mosey over to some open parking lot space.

Vigorous Warmup.
SSH x 20 (in cadence and fast-paced)
Low, Slow Good Mornings (LSGMs)
Mountain Climbers
Low, Slow Squats

Saunter on over to the Ceremonial Inclined AstroTurf Semi-Circle.


Fun Fact: Lincoln is enshrined in the Wrestling Hall of Fame.

Partner 1 Bear Crawls all the way around the semi-circle. Partner 2 does Freddy Mercury.

Mosey to top of Tree Lined Avenue.

Gettysburg Address

Gettysburg Address – 4 score and 7 years ago…. (87 years after the Declaration of Independence)

Each Pax does 20 Power Merkins (merkins with partner’s feet on your back). Flapjack.
Each pair (together) does a long lap all the way down the Tree Lined Avenue and back.
4 times total.
7 x Burpees at end.

On the Avenue of Trees:

Leg Jack Webb aka Suzanne Somers aka The Thighmaster
Do you know Jack Webb’s middle name? I don’t either, but he does have one. You know who doesn’t have a middle name? Abraham Lincoln.

1 x Lunge, 4 x Squats
2 x Lunge, 8 x Squats
up to 10 x Lunges, 40 x Squats

Mosey to hot box.

Fun Fact: Lincoln didn’t move to Illinois until he was 21. He grew up in Indiana. Which has nothing to do with this next exercise.

Coyote Ugly on picnic tables. 3 reps. Flapjack.


Fun Fact: You know who didn’t dip? Abraham Lincoln. He didn’t drink, smoke or chew, either.

Plank Jack x 10 → Sprint to next speed hump. Repeato.

Mosey on back to launch for some abbreviated Mary.





YHC serendipitously pulled up to the AO in a rental car with Illinois plates (the “Land of Lincoln”, which as we just learned is a total misnomer). After announcing the theme of the workout – Lincoln’s Birthday – Mermaid disclosed that he had just finished reading a biography on Lincoln. Great – a ringer. He will be fact checking everything I said.

A few highlights from The Gloom:

-#Cobains to Runstopper for slowing down his bearcrawl. At one point he just got tired of waiting on my slowness and just walked it out. Stop wasting my time, Q.

– Fallout was sporting a sharp, matching yellow-accented coordinated workout outfit sent by his agent in the mail. Lorax admired it. We all did.

– Prohibition shared with us that he carries most of his weight in his ankles. This is great for Power Merkins, bad for his partner. Cankles are the sign of a great leader.

-Mermaid also had a relaxing weekend of sitting by pool for 72 hours for 3 mins of action, so he was primed and ready to go.

– Magoo up front most of the morning and continues to be a stud.

– Point Break must have tapered for this morning’s workout. Strong performance. Won one of the sprints.

– Prohibition out to Anvil for first time in a while. Good to see you brother.

– Bonus points to Snowflake who knew how long a “score” was. 20 years.

– Snuka is timeless and I want to be like him when I grow up.

– Brilleaux is SBD. Silent but Deadly. But not in the flatulent sense. He is the silent killer. Like Radon or Carbon Monoxide.

– The Kettlebell Krew doing exercises near us has a very German techno-industrial vibe compared our own rag tag group of Patrot Citizens at Anvil. At the end of the workout it appeared we were denied a joint COT. Not to inflame the situation, but this has all the makings of an Area51 Civil War if we aren’t careful. Suggest back-channel diplomacy over beers at The Lodge. Building a Wall will be on the table and the Donut Run guys will pay for it.

Other fun Lincoln Facts:

  • He was 6′ 4″
  • Lincoln battled depression for much of his life. On that note – Serious Stuff: February is a tough month for a lot of people. Please be aware of those around you who may need help but who may not be voicing it.

Editor’s Note: The formatting on this version of WordPress blows. I tried four different browsers on two different devices and three different networks to get this thing to post. And I couldn’t get my usual graphics and bells and whistles and pyrotechnics to work. Defeating.



  1. South Mountain 50K – February 22 – Details here:


  1. The Mortimer 100 – March 14. The Hickory pax organized a 100-mile relay race on March 14:

It starts somewhere down near Granite Falls and finishes at Howard’s Knob. Kodak is leading the Boone team. Donate here to support them:

  1. Beer Mile April 24 – Check Slack for Top Secret location.






The Hydra Games.


A band of 26 highly-trained, professional #HIMs laid down their arms to engage in peaceful competition at the First Annual Hydra Games in No Man’s Land. Join us as we relive their triumphs.


Launch Conditions: 69 schweaty degrees. RealFeel™ Temperature: 85

Pax: HIPAA, Cheese Curd, Lewinsky, McRib, Sprockets, Parole, Amber, Horsehead, Puddin Pop, Semi-Gloss, PopTart, Floorslapper, Bluegrass, Leprechaun, Motorboat, Geraldo, Hannibal, Agent Oso, Bluto, Hopper, Marge, Snowflake, Spackler, Gummy, Queen, Deep Dish

Mileage: 1.81 miles

Difficulty: Milton.

Disclaimer: Given and legally accurate.


The Thang:

COP Where You Stand

Mountain Climbers
Cotton Pickers

Saunter to field. Gather together in the tall, damp grass. Form Two Three Teams. [This proved exceptionally difficult. Counting to three is hard. Lining up is harder.]

YHC announced that the teams will be competing in various events throughout the morning, with the winner receiving a small prize or nothing. 

First Event: The Tunnel of Love Race.

Each team forms a straight line in plank position. Last Pax in line Army-crawls underneath everyone to the front. Next guy crawls through. And so on and so forth until the end. 

[Some dispute here as to whether Team 2 or Team 3 won this event. Team 1 did not (mostly because we followed the rules and didn’t cheat).]

Intermission: Mosey to newly-paved parking lot. Down and Backs on Back Parking Lot (Sets of 10, then 9) of the following exercises:

19 x Decline Merkins
19 x Merkins
19 x Incline Merkins

Mosey to Church. 

Second Event: The Rock Mover.

Every Pax on the team gets a rock. [YHC cautioned the pax to get a “reasonably sized” rock and that they would be moving with it. Many ignored this admonition.] The rules: The Rock can only be advanced by someone whose feet are not touching the ground. E.g., you can’t just run with your rock. Partner carry would be fair game. Also using one of your teammates as a basket and piling rocks on top of him. Full Lap around church. First team with everyone home wins.

[No one really won this event. It disintegrated pretty quickly. Team One used Bluegrass as a basket and piled rocks on top of him. Can’t really reprint on the web any of the words spoken and certainly not any of the visuals.]

Team biceps, shoulder press, tris, biceps with rocks. Rotating rocks between sets. 

Mosey to old, semi-re-paved parking lot. 

Intermission: Down and Backs on Front Parking Lot (Sets of 10, then 9) of: 

19 x Merkin Jacks
19 x Diamond
19 x Walking Merkins

Mosey over to the kiddie track for…..

Third Event: [Attempted] Indian Run Race

[I think we all won this one.] 

Quick Intra-workout Mary – Fluttah and LBCs

Walking lunge and bear crawl lap.

Final Event: Caterpillar Race

Each Teams forms a line. Pax 2-3 feet apart. Box jump to head of line, Indian Run-style. 

Team One won this handily.



GuantanamoRoutinePax in a circle on their backs heels up. First pax jumps up and pushes the feet down around the circle fighting to keep legs off the ground. Followed by next pax in line then hit the ground legs up when back to your start position until last man finishes the circle.

Count Off, Name-O-Rama, and BOM.


The build up to this one was pretty intense. YHC humbly appreciates the Site Q offer to promote The Main Event, but in the end pride won out and couldn’t resist a D.I.Y. guerrilla marketing campaign. Nothing like a tween-Lori Loughlin-based-period-drama-gif to bring the boys to the yard (know what you’re fishing for and use the right bait, amirite?). 

Hops quickly remembered he had a 5:30am appointment to get his back waxed and promptly HC’ed to another AO (at the same time…). 

Spackler took the time to thoughtfully reply with his usual “Blink182WTF.gif“. I imagine him staring wistfully out his office window, dreaming of fast greens and slow merkins, and, glancing over at the 6-wide Twitter feed on his monitor, casually flicking the designated hotkey to auto-post his response.

Semi-Gloss promised to bring not only the Semi-Gross but the Full-Gross. 

With the foreplay out of the way and the seeds of discontentedness planted, it was showtime.


Hopped in the mountain-dweller standard issue Surbaru and headed to the AO. Saw Cheese Curd cruising down the road at 5:05 (likely on Mile 18 of his pre-run). 

YHC broke out his good gloves (the ones with only one hole in them) for this Very Special Workout. Marge noted that Dredd (or one of his surrogates) once told him that if the Q wears gloves, you should too. Promptly took off the Good Gloves and called for a No Gloves Workout. 

The themes of the day were “Team” and “CSAUP”.  YHC promised a Full Teddy…

“Ladies and gentlemen, I don’t know whether you fully understand that I have just been shot,” Roosevelt said, “but it takes more than that to kill a Bull Moose.” On October 14, 1912, Roosevelt was shot by a local shop-keeper while giving a speech on his campaign in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. The bullet was lodged in his chest after passing through a pocket holding his steel eyeglass case and his 50-page speech – which had been folded in half. He declined treatment following the incident and continued to give his 90-minute speech while blood seeped from the wound into his shirt.

… but once you factor in the refuseniks and the cheaters, the average pax probably walked away with a Milton.

And I said, I don’t care if they lay me off either, because I told, I told Bill that if they move my desk one more time, then, then I’m quitting, I’m going to quit. And, and I told Don too, because they’ve moved my desk four times already this year, and I used to be over by the window, and I could see the squirrels, and they were married… But then, they switched from the Swingline to the Boston stapler, but I kept my Swingline stapler because it didn’t bind up as much, and I kept the staples for the Swingline stapler and it’s not okay because if they take my stapler then I’ll, I’ll, I’ll set the building on fire…

Strava indicated this was a “Harder Than Usual” effort. Which probably says more about YHC’s usual effort level than today’s effort.

– The Tunnel of Love Race was a great success. YHC really wanted to get the pax wet, dirty and “rubby” early in the game. Mission accomplished.

– The Rock Mover broke down like a sand castle with the tide coming in. Mass chaos. Clear directions quickly yielded to “that’s impossible” to “too tough” to “I’m just going to walk.” The pax moved through this mental progression at different rates. Queen might have been Full Comp the whole way. Marge not far behind him. Puddin Pop got there in two steps. Spackler didn’t even listen to the directions.  

The strategery for Team One started with this (without the chair): 

And ended with an Omaha and walking/jogging rock presses and such. In between, YHC carried Semi-Gloss for a brief (but intimate) length of asphalt. 

Team Two tried all partner carries (which, if you like math, means that the person being carried has to hold two rocks). 

Team Three appeared to do ok overall. Most of them were pretty far ahead.

Curiously, no one tried this technique: 

– Just when you thought it couldn’t get any more broken, The Indian Run Race set a new standard. Apparently “Indian Run” is a dog whistle of sorts that triggered a number of the Pax into a fugue-state of NASCAR paint-trading. Net outcome: We all ran a couple of laps on the elementary school track.

– Caterpillar race was actually competitive. YHC’s observation is that by the last event, the teams had really started to gel and had achieved some level of coordination. Team One emerged victorious. 

– YHC kindly requested the Pax to circle  up shoulder to shoulder for Mary. 

“It it ends in ‘of love’ I’m in.”

– Floorslapper

Done. Quickly renamed the exercise “Guantanamo of Love”. Apropos

Horsehead was out campaigning for Nantan. Mingling with the pax. Kissing hands, shaking babies. Will look forward to your backblast to the backblast. 

Hannibal mentioned that YHC narrowly missed him by 2 blocks on the way out the neighborhood this morning. Must have been ultra super focused on the mission because I didn’t even notice.

Welcome FNG McRib. Brought out by Agent Oso. The naming process started with Pink Slime and only went downhill from there. The Semigloss Ode to the McRib was touching. His eyes went misty. You could feel a deep longing permeating the space around him. I never truly knew poetry until I heard him speak – from his heart, truly – about this iconic psuedo-meat cartridge with bone-like appendages. It’s the particle board of meat products.

Sprockets and Amber trotted off towards home on foot after the workout. I think they are secretly Avengers. 

Several other pax who were new(ish) (to me at least). 

Overhead in the Gloom:

The comments have already started flowing into the suggestion box. Thanks to everyone for their positive feedback! 

“Best workout of all time.”

– Spackler

“I got out of bed for this crap?”

– PopTart

“I’m never posting at a bootcamp AO in Area 51 again.”

– Horsehead

“Should have gone rucking with Lucy instead.”

– Geraldo

“The New Management has really taken this place downhill.”

– Queen and Marge

“He wasn’t like this at Base Camp.”

– Leprechaun

Serious Stuff:

I didn’t mention the “Intermission” activities yet. The MECA pax started a 19 for 19 challenge a while back (as I understand it). Poutine brought it up the mountain to Boone last month and some of us have been (very loosely) trying to participate or keep up. The challenge was started in honor of Chowder who lost his young son. His birthday was July 19th, so they do 19 days of merkins of increasing intensity. Tomorrow is the last day of the challenge. 

I wanted to use this as an opportunity to remind ourselves that everything we know and love could be taken away from us in a heartbeat. You never know when your time is up. Cherish every minute. Hug your kids. Raise them right. This isn’t about you. 

Full 19 day challenge here: 

Thanks again to Gummy and Sprockets for the opportunity to lead and for accommodating my scheduling challenges. As always, I thoroughly enjoyed it and hope you all did as well. See you next time……

Et tu HIPAA? YHC’s First Year of F3: A Story Told in Interpretive Dance and Burpees

15 true #HIMs betrayed the comfort of their own beds and instead crushed  a workout fit for Ceasar this morning on the Ides of March. This is their story.


Launch Conditions: Glorious 60 degrees. Dry. Aggressive.  

Pax: HIPAA (QIC), HIPAA (Gastonia), Brushback, Clover, Brilleaux, Lorax, Champagne, Dr. Belding, Mermaid, Escargot, Thunder Road, Tagalong, Marconi, Ickey Shuffle, Chelms

Mileage: A sneaky 2.60 miles

Difficulty: I’ll give this a full Teddy on the Herman-Willink Scale. Should have been a Hugh Glass, but YHC came up a few minutes short.

Disclaimer: Given and legally accurate.Important to disclaim/blame Ironsides for most of this workout. He was QIC at my first workout ever. Little did he know it would come back to haunt us all.


The Thang:

Mosey to Tartarus

11 SSH
16 IW

That’s it. That’s the whole warmup. Accurate and faithful to the original, down to the rep count….

7s up the long ramp – Squats at the bottom, hand-release merkins at the top.
Plank for the six.

7s up second long ramp – LBCs at bottom, burpees at top.
Plank for the six.

Starting at Top Level of Tartarus:

5 X Partner Merkins –> Ollie North aka Partner Carry. Flapjack.

Mosey Down Ramp

10 x Plank Jacks –> AYG sprints

Mosey Down Ramp

10 x Plank Jacks –> AYG sprints

Mosey Down Ramp

10 x Plank Jacks –> AYG sprints

Mosey Down Ramp

Head to middle and split in two groups.
Group 1: 10 x Derkins
Group 2: 10 x Pullups

Mosey to Launch

Merkin lineup thing. Shredder?


10 leg raises IC
15 flutters IC
16 LBCs IC
World’s Worst Merkins

EC Burpees


One year ago today I began this F3 thing in the school parking lot at Olde Providence Elementary. It was 34 degrees, wet, and I wore a full winter coat. For reference, here is what we did that day:

March 15, 2018 –

I tried to accurately recreate that workout at Centurion this morning (with some adaptations and creative license for the different AOs). For reference, the italics is stuff I added. Everything else was verbatim from last year.

There was a lot of pre-Post online mumblechatter on The Twitters and The Slackmachine. I had to stay up late last night studying for the “test” Chelms claimed to have waiting for me. I was hoping for a decoder ring or maybe a nice lamp instead.

I felt like I simply had to include some man-to-man contact (ONIONS!) in honor of March Madness with the partner carries.

The Pax today absolutely crushed it. To be honest, they chewed through my entire Weinke with a few minutes to spare. Did not think that was going to happen at all. #AmateurMove. I owe you guys a couple of minutes’ worth of #refund. Pro rated I think that is $0.00. Nice work, gentlemen (I use that term loosely).

Pax Notes/Tribute:

I was absolutely blown away by HIPAA (Gastonia) being there. Total surprise out of the blue and completely unexpected. Not a short commute, from the GasHouse either. And lest there be any confusion, he was HIPAA first (by a few days). I move for some disambiguation – HIPAA vs. HIPPA. I’ll take the misspelling. How do we get that approved.

Maybe (F3 Metro) – Forever indebted to you for dragging me out to my first workout. I think you only had to ask 3 or 10 times. #tclaps

Hopper – My nickname is your fault. I think of you every time I hear A Boy Named Sue. Thank you.

Hops and Pudding Pop – You were two of the first people who welcomed me to the fold. Wil never forget that. From the first few minutes, I was welcomed with open arms.

Thanks to Mermaid for the tough love and some choice tips at my first Q last year. Nuanced, veteran nuggets like “HIPAA. Did you even read the Q instructions on the website? Have you ever counted before? It goes like this….”

Clover informed me that this workout set a record for most calories burned according to his Tim Apple Watch. Thank you for making the trip down (several times a week!) from Dilworth/South End/Greater Myers Park Metropolitan Area to post with us down in Area 51!

Ickey was sneaky fast on the sprints. You kind of expect Lorax and Mermaid and Brileaux to be up there, but saw Ickey and imagined this was running through his mind.

Champagne was still sore from Wednesday, but somehow still made it out today.

Finally, I wanted to thank all of the men of F3 who have been part of my life for the past year. It’s amazing what a difference a year makes. From Day One, I couldn’t get enough and haven’t looked back. You’ve got a great thing going here and I can’t wait to see what the next year holds.


  • Community Foundation Run – April 13 – Gastonia – HIPAA (Gastonia Version) leading the charge here. Speed for Need will be running with 8 (?!) chairs. #HIMs all over the place.
4/13/199:00 amRaceCommunity Foundation RunGastonia, NCGastoniaF3 HIPAA
  • F3Metro has a program coming up at the Stratford Y – First Saturday morning of each month at 11am – Starting April 6. Workout for 45 mins for kids without dads. Chelms has details.
  • 3rd F – The Stand – Meets at Panera down the street from CCHS. Feel free to join. See Champagne for details or just show up.
  • FNG/Kotters Day Saturday March 30 at DaVinci.
  • Boone F3 Launch – March 23 – 7am – There was some interest in getting a couple/few clown cars together to make the trip up. Any volunteers to organize???

Happy Birthday to YHC! Hope you like bricks.

Launch Conditions: 39-ish degrees (Some disagreement on this point. Spackler informed us that he had to ditch WeatherBug when it caused a foot of snow one time, so now he relies on AccuWeather. I’m a Weather Underground guy, but I’m not convinced of its accuracy, either. Suffice to say that it was not freezing or raining or windy.)

Pax: HIPAA (QIC), Spackler, Scabby, Prohibition, Puddin Pop, Champagne, Mermaid, Brilleaux, Clover, Moana, Snowflake, Jet Fuel, Lorax

Mileage: 1.83 miles

Difficulty: Hugh Glass on the Herman-Willink Scale. Just short of a full Jocko due to relatively low distance.

9 - Hugh Glass

Disclaimer: Given and legally accurate.


After the birthday confetti and streamers had been cleared from the dance floor, all that remained was 13 Pax who were full of swoleness and comradery (but still hungry for cake). More on that later.

The Thang:

Warmup saunter

Oh, what’s that? Someone has thoughtfully arrangement a crapton of brick pavers near Ye Olde Rock Pile? Grab a coupon.

Saunter back to launch.


IW x 20
LSS x 20
Merkins x 20
Mountain Climbers x 20

Mosey to tree-lined Avenue.

World’s Worst Merkins (w coupons) — 10 trees x 2 reps tree.

Plank for 6.

Heading Back = 5 trees x 2 WWM’s each..

Hang a Ricky. Partner one does lunge walk-press to other side while partner 2 does curls. Partner 2 launches when partner 1 reaches end.

Hang another Ricky. Partner one bear crawls to end while partner 2 squats. Partner 2 launches when partner 1 reaches end.

Run it back.

Finish out the WWM set with final 5 trees.

Mosey back in general direction of launch.

Catch me if you can. Give all coupons to one partner. Second partner does 5 burpees and then tries to catch Partner One. When, caught, 5 burpees and flapjack.



Thank you to everyone who joined for my 40th birthday extravaganza and thank you to Lorax and Brushback (in absentia, but with us in spirit) for the opportunity to lead these fine men.

The inspiration for the workout was kind of juvenile. Thought process went like this: 40 years old → 40’s → Birthdays Past → Edward 40 Hands → Bricks → Edward Coupon Hands. The concept, if unfamiliar, is as follows. Edward Fortyhands involves duct-taping a 40oz beverage to each of your hands and you can’t remove until finished. This is a real thing because Wikipedia and Youtube. I don’t recommend anyone do this ever. Googling this also yields some interesting results. Like this guy (NOT a Pax):

So basically we had coupons in our hands the whole time. Fun.

A Fishing Hole-like sub-2 miles today, but made up for it in max swole/pump. World’s Worst Merkins aka Worst Merkin Ever is really tough.

Worst Merkin Ever 1 Wide Arm Merkin, 1 Regular Merkin, 1 Diamond Merkin performed in succession with no break in form = 1 Worst Merkin Ever.

Prohibition and Mermaid sniffed out the Strava art attempt fairly early. Let’s just say it was not a good attempt. It was “s’posed ta” look like “4 0” but instead it kind of just looks like a twisted stethoscope.  

Some of the vertan Pax turn the coupon bear crawls into hairburners. #innovation

Spackler is faster than I thought. Made the mistake of partnering with him on CMIYC and almost didn’t catch him. I think he slowed down for me a little.

#kotters to Champagne who has been on the shelf with some sickness/general crud the last month or so. Good to have you out and hope it was worth your time!

Fitting that we had 13 Pax on the 13th. Also was my number in sports growing up. #NoCoincidences

Thank you to Clover for the kind words about YHC. I owe you a few beers for that. Also, it was Clover’s Mom’s 72nd Bday and would have been his grandmother’s 102nd Bday.

I just wanted to say thank you to all of the HIMs, PAXs, QICs and men of F3 for the past year. Friday is my one year anniversary of my first post and I have never looked back. More on that on Friday. Every day I am grateful for the support, fellowship and common bonds I’ve formed with you guys. I am always amazed (yet never surprised) at the encouragement and support (and accountability!) everyone provides to their brothers. Here’s to 40 more!

Jack Webb’s Nest of Death

Pax: 18
Launch Temp: 47 degrees
Mileage: 2.42 miles
Difficulty: Jack Churchill on the Herman-Willink Scale

Disclaimer: Given and legally accurate.


Here is what we did:

Mosey to turf field.

Ssh x 20
HR Merkins
Mountain climbers 

Mosey to hotbox. 

First Thing:

Starting at bottom of hill, Daft Punk x 10. Run to top of hill (hotbox) and dips x 10. 3 sets total. 

Second Thing:

Jack Webb.

Mosey to track. 

Penultimate Thing:

Bataan Death March – Last Pax in line does 5 burpees. Runs to tag new last man, then continues to the front.  

Last Gasp:

Gather at stairs. Group 1 runs stadium stairs. Group 2 – 10x hip slapper, 10x mahktar ndjiaye then plank til group 1 returns. Flapjack. 

LBC x 50.


Strong effort from everyone out there today. I noticed the running parts were hard for some and the Jack Webb was harder for others (different people), which I think is good. Also saw a few guys out there in addition to the usual group of regulars (maybe because I have just missed them) like Cottonmouth, Sardine, Escargot, Tannenbaum and Good Hands (though I think Good Hands was there last week). You are all welcome at The Nest any time.

Hammer is a Clemson fan – who knew? Marge also a Clemson fan – who didn’t know?

Floorslapper got in some extra credit dips in the hot box I think. Not sure whether intentional or unintentional.

Launch-time temperature 47 degrees. Got a good schvitz going for the first time in ages outside.

Bataan Death March (as opposed to Catan) is a great opportunity for 2nd F. Fun facts learned today:

  • Clemson and Auburn have similar uniforms because in 1896, when Auburn Coach Walter Riggs left to start the football program at Clemson, he brought old navy and orange uniforms with him, but the navy had faded to purple. True story. Same reason they both have Tiger as the mascot.
  • “War Eagle” is a battle cry, not a mascot.
  • Jessie Spano was accepted to Stansbury but never matriculated.
  • 7 is the number of completion.
  • Bataan is located in modern day Philippines. If you know your history, it was a horrible, tragic time in American history during WWII. Today’s workout was a far cry from that event, but we remember the troops who gave their lives (at Bataan and on every other battlefield). Thank a veteran today.
  • Jack Webb still hurts. 

Reached into the Exicon for Daft Punk today. Around the World really brought me back to high school. I noticed that a lot of the Pax had trouble counting to 10.

I am also told you are supposed to vary your voice intonation when counting cadence on the last repetition. However I suffer from a rare condition called voice immodulation (or Van Horton’s Syndrome).


Joe Davis Run – March 9 – Sign up. – There is even an option to sleep in for the cause. #noexcuses

F3 Boone – F3 Boone is in the process of launching. Official Launch date is March 23, but we are holding pre-launch workouts every Saturday morning at 6am before then. Details here: and Twitter at @F3Boone.

Scratch and Win is QIC at Hydra this week. He promised showtunes.

Prayers for Fast Twitch and Swift that they may find a way to settle their differences peacefully and without resorting to a walk off.

Hydra #dryuary-end Campus Tour

12 Pax heeded the siren call of broken pavement and sub-freezing temperatures and embarked upon an epic journey of self-improvement this fine morning. A legally accurate disclaimer was given – you can sue whoever you want, you just won’t win. Neither F3, nor the elementary school, City of Charlotte, County of Mecklenburg, nor YHC is responsible for this foolishness. I am a trained professional, but not at this. Not even close….. Off we go.

Warmup half-lap.


  • SSH x 20
  • LSS x 20
  • HR Merkins x 20
  • Mountain Climbers x 15
  • IW x 11

Between Two Trees (as opposed to Between Two Ferns)

Partner up. Partner 1 does 20x incline merkins, 20x dips, and plank til partner returns.
Partner 2 runs to other set of benches and does 10x bench jumps
3 rounds. 

Saunter to wall. Wall sit for instructions.  

Quadruple Cuatro (?) from basketball court. 

Do Four 4×4’s (From the Exicon:

Start with arms raised in a standing position, burpee into plank followed by four Merkins followed by four mountain climbers with each leg. “One” is completed when returning to the standing position with arms raised. Wash, rinse, repeat. Recommended to do OYO while waiting for the 6 or waiting for a partner during a group exercise.)

Run to pullup bars and do 4 Pullups.
4 Rounds

Grand Finale:
Pair up.

Partner 1 does 10x jump squats and then 10x lunge walk while partner 2 bearcrawls. Partner 1 sprints to catch Partner 2 once called exercises are complete. Then Partner 2 does 10x jump squats and 10x lunger walks.  Repeat until end of parking lot and back.

Partner 1 sprints to end of parking lot and back while Partner 2 does LBCs. Flapjack.

Partner 1 sprints to end of parking lot and back while Partner 2 does Flutter. Flapjack.




Total distance covered: 2.19 miles.

Dressed in all black this morning in the hopes that I could lose the Pax following me, but no luck. Their eyesight was too good.

Launch-time temperature was 57 degrees (in my garage). 28 degrees by the weather app on my phone. “Feels Like” temperature was around 2.

Around rep #16 of the LSS during warmups someone(s) (near the Gummy-Puddin Pop quadrant) tossed a small pebble in my general direction – intended as a distraction or perhaps they thought I got stuck in a loop. I salute the attempt to break my concentration, but, undeterred, we completed the full 20.

The “4×4” is the second exercise listed alphabetically in the Exicon. Somehow Gummy knew this. Likely from his prior, in-depth research for new workout moves. #lazyman’sresearch #cobains

Clover + Bearcrawl = wheelhouse. Luckily I was paired with him. Looked like a baby rhesus monkey scrambling after a grape that had fallen off a vendor’s cart. Impressive. Also owns highest heart rate record (HHRR) for Hydra, Base Camp and Anvil.

Bugeater has one of the best cadences in all of F3 Nation. Fortunately, he had a chance to exercise that muscle, calling Mary while we gathered the six after Between Two Trees. Smooth, even tones, but definitely doesn’t sound anything like numbers. Comforting, yet encouraging at the same time.

Sprockets sporting the Runstopper signature tights.

One-Eye and Queen quiet, efficient killers as usual. Also saw Lewinsky up front a few times.

Haven’t seen La-Z-Boy out to Hydra much. Good to have you, brother. Come to find out that La-Z-Boy was fresh off his VQ yesterday at Dromedary. Honored to have him out for the quick turnaround.

Mr. Magoo has quickly become a regular across a few different AOs in Area 51 since BOG brought him out to Base Camp a couple weeks ago. Pleased to have him at Hydra.  

We were unable to avoid the amazingly overly-sensitive HVAC/generator/underground nuclear testing facility alarm (the purpose of which remains unclear). A brave CMS technician was on the scene. Again, unclear whether it was in response to the HVAC alarm.

P.s. – Happy #Dryuary 31st to those participating!


Joe Davis Run – March 9 – Sign up. – There is even an option to sleep in for the cause. #noexcuses

F3 Boone – F3 Boone is in the process of launching. Official Launch date is March 23, but we are holding pre-launch workouts every Saturday morning at 6am before then. Details here: and Twitter at @F3Boone.

After the storm

24 intrepid PAX peeked out their heads into the hurricane-ravaged gloom and made a serious downpainment on rebuilding a better world from the rubble….. Brief non-legalese disclaimer given and we were off down the freshly paved roads towards the professional grade turf field for……


COP on turf field




Good Mornings

Half lap around field – carioca, run, carioca, backpedal


Run to bridge – Grab rock —> Peoples chair with shoulder press. IC.


Curls with rock IC.

Repeat 3 times total


Run stadium stairs.

10x hand release merkins, 10x CDD and plank for six.

Indian Run around track.

Repeat 2 times total.


Run to utility shed/bottom of hill. Partner up.

Partner 1 sprints to top of hill and jogs back to start.

Partner 2 LBCs


Repeat 3 times total.


Run to statue at entrance to gym.

Step ups x 10 (each leg)

Dips x 10

Decline Merkins x 10

Repeat 3 times total.


Yog back to launch. Bear Crawl width of the parking lot. Jog back. Lunge walk width of the parking lot. Jog back.

Repeat 3 times total.





Had a great mix of regulars and new (at least for me) faces. From the word go we had some great 2nd F. I think the Pax must have had a lot of pent up mumblechatter from being cooped up with Ms and 2.0s all weekend.

I was super impressed by the Pax this morning. They took everything I threw at them (and then some). Great effort on every station and I didn’t see any refuseniks at all. Even saw some pretty good form.

Thanks to Run Stopper for calling out my cracking, prepubescent voice while counting on the bridge.

I think Semi-gloss pre-ran the workout. My goodness.

We were even graced with the presence of the Nantan.

Nice work out there.


The question had already been asked….

…and it could not be un-asked….

“Anyone Donut Running tomorrow?”

1 superhuman BRR-running PAX and 2 mere mortal, non-BRR PAX converged upon the Donut Run AO for a very special pre-BRR Q-less yog around the block.

Route was South – Regular. Here it is:

6.15 miles.

The End


So I figured I would see who was up for a quick run this morning. It’s BRR week, so all the “real” runners are tapering. Should be casual, right? No. Not at all. First response was from Depth Charge. Cool, I thought. I don’t know him, but should be ok, because, again it’s BRR week. Then Goonie chimes in… Uh.. what pace are you looking at? Basically saying between the lines hey, I know you HIPAA, and I’m pretty sure I’m faster than you and Depth Charge is faster than me, soo……. He is like really fast. Should have taken the hint. Alas!

Bushwood chimes in from DR with “directions”:

“Rea, R on 51, R on Providence, R on Candlewyck, R on Rea.”

Yeah, that doesn’t exist. Nevertheless, we persevered!

Show up this morning and Depth Charge is ready to rock n roll. He actually is putting himself through BRR this weekend and despite that is still out there in the Gloom ready to make us all look slow. Second PAX shows up – Rachel. Crap. I know he’s fast. At this point I am banking on Goonie, who, to his credit, was not a HC. No dice.

Spent the first few miles trying to keep up with these two machines. I don’t think either of them broke a sweat. At least I feel like I added some value because I knew the route. Thanks for staying back with me, guys. Really appreciate it. Was a great workout for me and according to Strava I set all kinds of significant life-changing PRs as a result!

As an aside, I’m not even sure I’m authorized to post this. I certainly didn’t have the permission of the absent Site Q or the consent of the governed, but here it is.

Around the Horn and Dodging Scooters

18 chatty PAX took all Hydra had to offer this morning. Brief disclaimer was given and we were off for CoP on the glorious, potholed schoolyard pavement.

Ssh x 20

Thang I:
Baseball/Around the Horn – Alternating hand release merkins and burpees around the diamond – Positions 9 to 1 (number of reps tracking the position number).

Thang II:
Four Corners/Starfish
Meet at middle bleachers.
Four stations:
Pullups x 10
LBCs x 20
Step-ups x20 (10 per leg)
Jump Squats x10
(Dips x 10 each time you pass the middle)

Plank to gather the 6.
Repeat the whole thing (with feeling this time).

Thang III:
Mosey to church parking lot. Grab a rock. Partner up.
First partner curls while other partner runs to end of parking lot and back (10x merkins at end).
Second Round: Shoulder press

Mosey back to launch for Mary
Good mornings
Freddy mercury


Approx. 1.9 BRR-friendly miles logged. Map:


A characteristically strong Hydra group out there today. Lots of First F and even more Second F. A lot of F’s were given. Great weather.

I played outfield my whole life. Literally since I was the 5 year old husky kid out in the dandelion field. I should know that Left Field is “7” and Right Field is “9”. Somehow messed that up. Thanks to the Pax for filling in the gaps.

Noticed a lot of generalized angst around SSH and burpees. Who knew? Don’t say I didn’t warn you…..

Spackler sounded more winded than usual. Also had a hasty exit from the parking lot. Could not tell whether it was jubilant or regretful.

Kotters to Flo Jo for his second post. Keep posting brother. Thanks to everyone for making him feel welcome. Tclaps to Scratch and Win for seeking him out and welcoming him back into the fold.

Semi-Kotters to Lewinsky who wasn’t gone all that long, but paternity leave/road trip is over brother! Welcome to fatherhood!

Clover has been a consistent, steady DR Metro-commuter/adopted Area 51 Pax this summer. Appreciate you making the trip.

First time I’ve seen Sprockets out at Hydra – new to the area. Looked like he rode his bike in. Welcome aboard!

Queen and Marge out in front all day as usual. Bugeater not far behind.

Scratch and Win – thanks for the nice take out and the fellowship as always.

Thanks to Marge and Queen for the opportunity to lead this fine group. Hydra was my first post and will always be a special group to me.

Announcements: Convergence on Monday at Base Camp. Check the papers for details. Mark your calendars for Vagabond on November 6. Details to come.

Only thing missing was a big top…..

19 PAX endured a very choppy VQ in elegant surroundings this morning. Verbal disclaimer was given and we were off for CoP on the luxury, professional-grade turf field. If there’s a nicer site in all of the F3 Kingdom, I don’t know where it is. Apparently came out a little hot on the warmup mosey to CoP and immediately heard the mumblechatter growing from the Six.


Ssh x 20 (in homage to Hops)

IW [This is where the counting started to break down……]


Good Mornings

Merkins [somehow messed up the counting here again……]

Thang (Part 1):

Stay at the turf field Mosey to the baseball field and partner up.

– First partner run to the shelter/Tiki Hut/Pain Cave and do Mike Tyson x 15

– Other partner run along the outfield warning track and do: Lunge Walk – Carioca – Carioca (reversed) – Backpedal

– Partners meet up and do Power Merkins x 10 (each)


Second round same as the first except with Decline Merkins x 15 at the Hut and Hand Slap Merkins x 10 at the meetup.

Third round same except Balls to the Wall at the Hut.

Thang (Part 2):

Mosey to the track to run stadium stairs run past the landscaper trimming the hedges to the utility shed at the bottom of the muddy hill. Same partners. First partner sprint to top of hill and mosey back. Second partner Balls to the Walls until they return. Flapjack. Repeat.

Mosey to the Q*Bert Stairs.

Thang (Part 3):

Big stairs:

Dip (x20) – Hop – Press (x20 – while in squat position) x 2 sets

Dips x 20 (?)


Magellan yog back to start for Mary.


Logged a total of 2.2 – 2.5 miles (depending on your watch). Mine said 2.8 but others have fancier watches….



Great group out today – terrific effort all the way around and displayed a ton of patience with me as I generally managed to turn my VQ into a circus. Even showed up early to scout out the AO, but still managed to get lost. Had the Weinke in my pocket the whole workout, but needed to Omaha a great deal, so it was kind of useless (and doesn’t help with counting anyway…).

Kudos to all the guys who go out and make it look so easy day after day – it isn’t. It’s really hard!  Mermaid told me he just had his 116th Q. Amazing.

Gummy strong with the mumblechatter as always. Expected and comforting to have that constant.

103 days ago Maybe brought me out to my first F3 workout at Hydra and I am forever in his debt. Thank you, brother. Appreciate you making the trip DR from Metro for a special guest appearance to commemorate the occasion.

Thanks to Puddin Pop for making this a welcoming place from the first minute as a part of F3.

Transporter out in front all day with the usual suspects – guy has become a machine. Was amazed to hear about his journey.

Champagne terrific form as usual and didn’t miss a rep as far as I could tell.

Great to see Hightower coming out consistently for the past 5 or 6 weeks. Hit the ground running and hasn’t looked back.

Scratch and Win thank you for your persistence and your thoughtfulness. You know what I mean. Truly appreciated.

I think the “big stairs” have been officially dubbed the “Q*Bert Stairs”. For all of you bearded millennials, here is the reference:*bert

Still searching for an appropriate name for the shelter behind the baseball field.

Thanks to Hops and Doc McStuffins for giving me the opportunity to lead this fine group. Hopefully the first of many (which will improve with time!).

Realizing I am missing some moments here but was just trying to keep my head on straight!


“Enter by the narrow gate; for the gate is wide and the way is easy, that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many. For the gate is narrow and the way is hard, that leads to life, and those who find it are few.” Matthew 7:6, 12-14


Announcements: Keep Astro and his family in your prayers – his father recently passed.