Author Archive Gummy

Deeeeeep River

11 men gathered in a church parking lot this morning. Strawberry cried for a substi-Q all week. I finally caved on Friday morning and got Hopper to join me. We planned an old school beatdown – planned may be a little strong. We had a beer or three on Friday afternoon. Good enough. We decided to bring some old stuff back and spent the evening (or my morning pregame routine time in my case) perusing old backblasts for some material.

Hopper Q:
Standard COP
Mini beast on the islands parking with PARTNER CARRIES between the islands. Very popular.
Ring of fire with merkins.
Partners run the length of the soccer fields with OVER/UNDERS halfway and at the end. Also popular.
Also Mary mixed throughout

Gummy Q:
Yog over to the sandpit for a quick wounded bear crawl or two.
Over to the picnic tables for the ol’ one partner does an exercise while the other runs over there and back.
Back to the field for partner push and pull. Hard to explain, but I think we’ll bring that one back again.
7s on the hill.
TUNNEL OF LOVE – at least one guy (Cooter) had never done it. Definite crowd pleaser.
10 sprints on the field with 10 counts in between.
Indian run back to the launch.

There’s been a lot of chatter lately about how we’re getting soft. All parking lots. No mud. No wetness. No touching each other. We need to bring some of that stuff back out. Partner carries probably shouldn’t be on the weinke very often, but a lot of us got into F3 back when we used to come out wet and muddy every time. That’s the stuff you don’t get to do in your normal life. You can run down a sidewalk, up a hill, around a parking lot anytime. But you aren’t going to jump through a sand volleyball court, carry another man, or get your butt wet in the grass on your own. Let’s work that stuff back into the workouts occasionally.

My 5-year F3 anniversary is this week. I’m Q at Hydra where we’ll run back my very first workout. Should be fun. Thanks to the guys this morning for playing along – I had a lot of fun out there.

You know, my kidneys feel a lot better in this position

6 men gathered for a not-so-moderate workout this morning. Well, 5 gathered, Moon River found us in the church’s front yard at about 7:05. Anyway, we did a bunch of exercises that you don’t care about if you weren’t there. Suicides in the church yard, some rock work at the church, Dirty McDeuce at the new benches and using the short track, people’s chair, escalator with merkins then later with jump squats, some Mary, a few pullups and so on.

– Tclaps to Deep Dish for running in and out (3 miles one way). I stopped on my way by him (because he was walking, but he waved me on). Apparently Runstopper wasn’t as nice and just heckled him as he drove by. I heard that Runstopper almost hurled at RockZero later. #kharma
– Lots of good chatter about parenting teens. My oldest goes to college in the Fall (App State). Deep Dish is deep into 17-year-old boy parenting. It’s not easy. Talk to someone who has already been through it and get some advice. The big takeaway from this morning: If you’re still doing your teenager’s laundry, stop now.
– Furley’s name came from his love of Three’s Company. Apparently we already have a Mr. Roper. Chrissy would be a good nickname for a fast FNG.
– It gets really hot at these 7:00 am workouts through the summer. Don’t be a hero. None of us get paid for this. Snoopy was cramping up during our workout (upon questioning, apparently not menstrual). I heard from the RockZero crowd that Runstopper had a little episode. Take care of yourself. Drink water if you need to. Take a break. Qs – watch the PAX. If you see a guy struggling in the heat, be smart.

Thank you, Costanza, for the invitation to lead. I always enjoy taking the wheel at Ascent. Good work by all the guys this morning.

– Convergence at the Big House in Pineville on Monday to support Dumpster Fire whose brother died recently. Let’s get a big crowd out there.

No, I’ll have it right here.

11 men gathered in a middle school parking lot on a cool-ish (but still 99.9% humidity) morning. After the obligatory lap around the parking lot to pick up Floor Slapper, we headed down to the track for a roving warmup. Clockwise around the track, stopping occasionally for various warmings up. (“You’re making this up as you go, aren’t you?” “No way. The weinke clearly says “Warmup”.”) Then gather at one end of the track to unleash a Dirty McDeuce. Haze brought this back at Hydra a few weeks ago – from the official F3 Nation website: “4 sets of 3 exercises done to 12 4-count reps. Each set has one chest exercise, one leg exercise and one core exercise. After each set of three exercises, you run a lap of a track or whatever else is handy (parking lot, etc.)”. BTW – take a look through the “Exercises” section of that site before your next Q and pull something out that you wouldn’t normally do. Spice things up. I can’t remember exactly what exercises we did. I may have called LBCs twice. Oh well.

After cleaning up the mess from the McDeuce, we ventured over to the sidewalk with the dugouts for a little People’s Chair/BTW recovery. Then gathered at the bleachers for the classic “Partner 1 runs the stairs loop while partner 2 stands around and pretends to do the called exercise”. Finished up with a little Mary, then back to the cars. Boom.

Topics of conversation during the workout:
– Puddin’ Pop and Flutie had a long talk about old drummers from Rush and the Rolling Stones. Apparently the Rush drummer is the best ever.
– The Canadian legends, Bob and Doug McKenzie, whose song “Take Off” included a solo from Geddy Lee of Rush. Not mentioned during the workout, but something from that album (Great White North) that I still use today – to convert from celsius to fahrenheit, double it and add 30. It will get you surprisingly close. You’re welcome.
– Does New Hampshire have its own syrup or is that just a Vermont thing?
– Puddin’ Pop tried to take credit for inventing the Rosalita and insists that 90 degrees is the proper form. I go with 45 degrees.
– Hammy was out there for his second post. Fast dude.

– Get on the Slack channel for #thesandbox. It’s a great organization that helps families of kids with life-altering illnesses. Transporter hooked F3 up with them and there are opportunities to help out. It can be a low stress, no long-term commitment way to help out – I spent two hours cutting a family’s grass; others spent a few hours this past weekend helping a family move out of an apartment. Get on the Slack channel to watch for ways you can step in and help out.

Thanks to Header for taking us out and to Puddin’ Pop for handling the mumblechatter while I was busy leading a workout.

Excuse me, could you please tell me how to get back on the express way?

Erector put out a call for Qs at The Arsenal a couple of weeks ago. Fresh off a trip to Indian Land to mow the grass at the Sandbox family that F3 helps out (check out the #sandbox Slack channel to learn more), I felt like I could make the trip south again for my first Q out of NC. I gassed up the Jeep last night, checked all the fluids and packed a breakfast in case I got lost. Google Maps said 25 mins. I left at 5:00 – we got this. I passed several other Thursday workouts to get there – nobody at Hydra yet, but I saw some guys gathering for Devils Turn, passed close to Rebel Yell, maybe some in Ballantyne. I passed the Foxhole (I love the Foxhole), then safely across the border. I didn’t need gas, liquor or fireworks on this trip into SC. My destination was Indian Land Elementary.

Erector and Ringer got back from their prerun, Cobbler pulled in right at 5:30. Off we go. I had never been to the site before, but my Google Maps research indicated that there was a football field and a track. I’ve led plenty of workouts with nothing more, so that’s what I had in mind. Welp. The gates were locked and there wasn’t a way in to the field. NBD, let’s go over to this field over here instead while I make something up.

Circle up for a cursory warmup (no SSH). Run back and forth a little to loosen up. Then gather in the middle next to that orange piece of trash. One guy runs to the goalpast while the other do exercises (HR merkins, LBCs, CDDs). Rotate through all four spots. Over to some strange piece of equipment that had barbell weights on it – just as I planned. Two guys run over there and touch that thing (right next to a chicken coop, apparently) while the other two do weight stuff. Three trips each for curls, OH press and triceps. Over to the hill (they call it Dragon’s Back or something) for a Triple Nickle. Jump squats at the top, merkins at the bottom. Recover with a little wall sit against the bathroom (apparently heated and always unlocked, btw). Mosey over to the playground for a few pullups. Then to the picnic tables for 10 jumpups, 10 dips, 10 derkins, then run around the playground. Repeat. Mary for a bit. Then head back to the cars with a stop for a plank walk merkin thing. Finish up with a little mary and 5 burpees. Done.

Thanks for having me out to Indian Land, guys. Great AO and some hard working guys. It’s cool to put in work with new guys occasionally. I get tired of Semi Gloss.


Where did you learn your Russian, JC Penney?

13 men assembled in one of many giant parking lots at Calvary for Anvil. After confirming the language with Haze, I plagiarized Mermaid’s disclaimer language, and off we went.

Warmup jog over to the islands parking lot. MCs and IWs, then line up abreast for suicides with 5 jump squats at the islands, 5 HR merkins at the start. There are a lot of islands. This was maybe an aggressive way to start things off. A little Mary and lunge walking to recover. Stop in another parking lot for assume plank walk with merkins, then over to the grassy hill.

Jacob’s Ladder to 7 with Burpees at the top, heels to heaven at the bottom. I may have skipped the last set to make sure I could breathe for the next part.

Yog over to the hotbox wall to recover in people’s chair. Then AYG to the building across the parking lot. A little Mary to catch our breath, then AYG back to the wall. Haze was very worried about his watch/Strava pace during this part.

Mosey over to the rock pile. Partner up and pick a big rock. Partner 1 takes off with the aforementioned rock in a counter-clockwise direction around the church. Partner 2 does 5 HR merkins then catches partner 1. Keep doing that all the way around the church and back to the rock pile. This was one of my regular things during The Rock back in the day, so I was surprised to hear so much disbelief. Hopper lodged a complaint at this point that he got poison ivy in his eye during one of the merkins. There’s a form to fill out for that. Send it to Mermaid.

We ran out the time exactly as I had planned with some Mary and sprints.

Haze complained a lot about me not saying “starting position, move”. Still, he knew when to move. Ickey didn’t like that we went past the picnic tables without doing dips. That’s about all the feedback I recall.

A special welcome to Van Pelt, back for a visit from Winston-Salem.

Beer Mile this Friday at 6:30 pm. See the preblast posted yesterday and the #beermile channel on Slack for more details. I think we have a good crowd coming out including some spectators. Join us!

Beer Mile preblast

Join us for the semi-regular running of the Beer Mile this Friday, May 11 at 6:30 pm (although am would add an interesting twist) at an undisclosed location (rhymes with “mouth harlot little drool”). This is an unsanctioned event. Just a bunch of dudes gathering to test their mettle. BYOB.

What is a beer mile? Beer, lap, beer, lap, beer, lap, beer, lap.

What are the rules? There’s a whole website and governing body ( – you probably don’t want to open that at work. There are a surprising number of rules, but the important ones are:

  1. The beer has to be at least 5%. That rules out all light beers. There’s a list on the website above. Choose wisely – by the third lap, you won’t like how it tastes.
  2. We’ll allow cans or bottles, but they have to be 12 oz. We required cans last time, but the world record was set with bottles, so who are we to judge? No modifications to the cans; you have to open the can or bottle just before drinking it and finish it within the transition zone (marked 10m zone around the start/finish line).
  3. If you hurl before you finish your fourth lap, you have to run one penalty lap.
  4. The clock starts when you crack your first beer and stops when you cross the finish line on your fourth lap.

What’s the world record? 4:33.6. There’s a video available. Google it. It’s ridiculous. I think I finished in around 12 minutes last time, and I was in the top half.

How should I train? It’s too late. But be comforted knowing that beer drinking skills are much more important than running speed. Turkey Leg and Alf took DNFs last time. Pop Tart almost won. So…

Can I bring spectators? Absolutely, although choose wisely. There are things they won’t be able to unsee. Semi Gloss took off his shirt and walked around with a towel around his waist last time I did this. And there may be hurling. Most guys will bring a 6-pack of beer and only need 4, so your spectators shouldn’t have any trouble finding a beverage.

Can I just watch? Sure! We may need drivers afterwards anyway.

What else do I need to know?

  1. Be cool and be safe. As with all of our workouts, we’ll leave the AO in better shape than we found it. No litter. If you hurl, try to do it in the bushes.
  2. Obviously we don’t have the track reserved for this, so in the unlikely event that someone is using the track, I have a backup plan at the same location.
  3. Join the #beermile channel on Slack for more info, trash talking and gambling.
  4. Some of us will probably grab some dinner afterwards, so bring a change of clothes if you’re interested in that.
  5. Find me on one of our 37 social media outlets if you have any questions or are unable to crack the code about the location.
  6. BYOB. Again, be cool. Be discreet in your packaging in case there are innocent bystanders.

Not since breakfast

11 guys gathered in a church parking lot on a rainy Saturday morning. According to section 7, part b, subpart i of the RockZero manifesto, today was to be a light day. The men were disclaimed, and off we went. McGee complained immediately when we cut through the moist front yard and he got his shoes wet. We gathered near the intersection for a quick warmup (IW, MC, Monkey Humpers – Jet Fuel is terrible at Monkey Humpers) then started toward Davie Park.

We gathered near the gate of the dog park driveway. AYG to the second street light, then easy back to the first for 10 situps (more complaining from McGee about counting the light poles). AYG to the third, easy back to the second, situps. Repeat all the way to the end. My weinke was less detailed at this point – it said something like (“do stuff at the park”), so we improvised. We did plank walks with merkins on the parking spots, then 7s on a hill we found behind the building there. We explored a little more back there – some trails, a tennis court, picnic tables, sand volleyball – did some stuff, then AYG back to the gate. Ugh.

Recover with a little mary, then over to the playground. We discovered some fancy new playground equipment there, including a police line around a missing swing. There were lots of theories about what happened there, but we pressed on. Partner 1 does a hot lap around the lot while partner 2 does an exercise. Repeat for a few laps.

Then we headed back to the church via Indian Run, mixing in a little backwards/forwards running on the driveway. Time killers at the end included sets of 10 merkins, jumpups and dips on the picnic tables next to the building and the requisite “line up abreast and sprint to that other pole over there”. Done

I had low expectation for numbers this morning, but the guys came through. The rain mostly held off. If you don’t normally post on Saturdays, give it a try. The 7:00 start at RockZero is a nice change from the weekdays, and it’s a good group of guys. Today was a bonus since the rain meant everybody’s youth sports were cancelled, so we had a good crowd at Starbucks afterwards. Haze even stopped by again after his running club meeting.

Also, I’m having cake for breakfast.


Hop-along Cassidy. Bow and arrow. Very Weird.

Eleven men gathered in a luxurious parking lot on the campus of Charlotte Latin this morning. The boys from Skunkworks made the long drive over from their own private school to join us.

Mosey through the climate controlled outdoor hallways to a parking lot for a quick warmup. Does Busch ever get tired enough to not talk during a workout? No matter, off we go for a quick lap down the hill to the track, down the straightaway, out the gate on the turn and back up to the top of the bleachers. Groups of three – one runs that way down the hill to the straightaway on the track, one runs the other way – 10 handslap merkins when they meet on the track. Partner 3 runs bleacher stairs in the meantime. Situps when all three meet at the top. Three times through.

Down to the field (real grass, none of that carcinogenic fake stuff that the other private schools use) and line up abreast on one sideline. Lunge walk halfway, bear crawl the rest. Repeat. Then AYG 400. Recover with a little Mary, then up to a wall on a building near a staircase. Alternate People’s Chair and BTW while one guy runs down the hill and back up the stairs. Once everybody ran, then over to a nearby low wall for 20 dips, 15 derkins, 10 jump ups. Repeat.

Down to a parking lot with islands. Suicides – 10 jump squats at first island, back to start for 10 CDDs. Same thing at second and third island. Mary break, then repeat but start with the far island. Mosey up the hill to the back field (so many fields) for gassers. 10 sprints across the field with a 10-count between each. Back to the launch for a little Peter Parker/Parker Peter to run out the clock. Done.

The Fast Twitch guys were nowhere to be seen. The Hawks Nest crew got antsy 30 seconds after 6:15 and started leaving, so we did our own COT. Latin is a great AO – we’re still figuring out the features and haven’t nicknamed anything yet (except maybe the Labyrinth for the crazy outdoor hallways) like the Hot Box, Grandma, North Face, Semi Gloss’s office. But so many options for hills, fields, stairs, etc. Good stuff. If you haven’t checked it out yet, come out sometime soon. The joint COT with the Fast Twitch PAX is fun too – if you think it’s fun to hear them complain about running hills.

I’ll have a Bloody Mary and a steak sandwich and… a steak sandwich, please.

13 men gathered in a soggy parking lot for the weekly assault on the urban oasis that is Waverly. Pro tip: don’t try to scout this AO during the dinner rush – lots of people driving their giant SUVs to the latest trendy fast casual restaurants. McGee says the happy hour at Ted’s Montana Grill is a good deal, but apparently because the food is bad. I hear that Alf hangs out at the Carolina Ale House. Anyway, FNG in attendance, so the disclaimer was really good. The FNG (Kozar) said he posted a few years ago and even went to a movie with F3 guys, but doesn’t remember his name (sure). Onward…

Mosey over to a parking lot towards the front for a cursory warmup. It was hard to hear the counting over Busch’s chatter – he has a lot of stuff to talk about at 5:30. Over to the parking deck for the first real action. Partner up – one partner up that staircase, the other partner up the other staircase. Meet at the top for 10 hand slap merkins. Back down the stairs, 10 more merkins. We did that three times.

Over to the fancy park area with some very nice fake grass that is either for the kids to play on or for dogs to pee on. Partner 1 does derkins and dips while partner 2 does the stairs again. Flapjack and repeat with incline merkins and jump ups. Some Mary to recover a bit. Then yog out of the shopping area, past the Mattress Firm (empty at 6:00 am like it is at 6:00 pm), then gather at the top of the best hill we could find.

Suicides on that hill with jump squats at each driveway. Over to a nearby wall for jump ups and merkins, then another set of suicides. Run back over the launch for a little Mary to wrap things up.

Good work by the PAX this morning. The rain mostly held off until the end. I appreciate the feedback I received from Alf, McGee and others during the workout. Iron sharpens iron.

Ever serve time, Doc?

8 men (including Moon River who inspired the backblast title) gathered in an elementary school parking lot this morning, ready to start the day off right. Goon had some business to attend to in one of the bushes first (risky that close to a school – he says it only counts if kids are there). Once he got things taken care of, off we went.

Mosey to the bus lot for a cursory warmup (IW, Squats, etc.). Then to one of the baseball fields for the first real action. Line up abreast on the third base foul line – get from that line to a line even with second base via lunge walk or bear crawl, do 10 merkins. Back from whence we came for 9 merkins, and so on. Recover with Mary, then over the concession benches for step ups, dips and merkins.

Yog through the back of campus (with a brief intermission for People’s Chair) and back to the Foxworth hill for Triple Nickel. Recover with Mary again, then we made our way up the road to the church rockpile. Get a partner and a rock – partner 1 does the exercise while partner 2 runs to the road and back. Repeat with 100 curls, then 100 overhead presses, then 75 tricep extensions. Mosey over to the fancy new benches (which inspired Councilman Dumpster Fire for improvements in Pineville) for more partner work. Partner 1 does the exercise on a bench while partner 2 runs around that tree over there. Repeat with step-ups, dips and incline merkins. Back to the cars for a little more mary, then done.

2.8 miles. Not bad for a “moderate” workout. The boys put in hard work this morning. My goal for Qs at these moderate workouts is to keep guys together and pick some things that guys can adjust to higher or lower intensity as necessary. Mix in some Mary, People’s Chair and planks between hard stuff to give guys a chance to recover. Moderate doesn’t mean easy. Mission accomplished this morning. We had a couple of nice discussions about Pineville politics (are you pro- or anti- increasing the number of German restaurants in town) and the Second Amendment (assuming the cannon in front of the nearby neighborhood is covered by that – leftover from the great war of OP in the 1970s). Thanks for having me over – Ascent was my VQ almost 5 years ago, so I like getting back there. Plus it gave me a good excuse to not go to McGee’s burpee-fest at RockZero.

Bonus coffeeteria backblast (Gummy, Purple Haze, Flipper, Rachel, Purell, Fugitive) – after weeks of waving to us from across the street, Haze finally made the long walk over to Starbucks to hang out with us. It was getting awkward for all of us that he waved every week but never came over. Hurtful. The highlight was a discussion of the Nickname Hall of Fame – Egypt (last name Bohmfalk), Funky Cold (last name Miedema) – and nicknames that the censors later rejected (Morning Wood, Wanker, Sex Panther). Good times. Other topics included triathlons, half marathons, breweries, calf injuries and Clemson basketball.