Author Archive Goonie

Pele must be in Brazil

When 5:29 rolls around and the scheduled Q is nowhere in sight, what’s a site Q to do? Look for the co-site Q, of course. Wait, Simba wasn’t there either. Fartsacks must have been very strong on this lovely morn. Scheduled Q Pele probably has a much better excuse, though, with all that’s going on in Brazil these days. He may even have been the culprit that placed the submerged couch in that kayaker’s path (I hope this story is true – much funnier in that it only happened in a practice round and not an actual competition). Well, 5:30 rolled around, enough shenanigans. Brief but effective disclaimer given, and we were off.

The Thang

Mosey once around the parking lot so YHC could come up with a game plan. Mosey down to the track for a warm-up lap because YHC hadn’t quite finalized said gameplan. Cirle up on the track for COP:

SSH x 20
Merkins x 10 IC
IW x 20
LSS x 15
MC x 20
Supermans x 25

Partner up – run in opposite directions to the end lines of the football field, run back to the middle for 10 hand-slap merkins. 4 rounds.

Mosey up towards Semi-Gloss’ office. Quick detour down the ramp and back up the stairs (get the legs burnin’). Partner up and grab a lifting rock.

Round 1: P1 does curls, P2 runs down to the bleachers between the baseball field, does 10 LBCs, and runs back. Flapjack. Pax told to complete 200 curls.
Round 2: P1 does overhead chest presses, P2 runs to the rail by the fields, 10 supine pull-ups, and runs back. Flapjack. Thanks to some pax compromising form for speed, audibled 2 rounds instead of a certain # of reps.

Grab some wall for People’s Chair.

Round 1 – 75 seconds
Round 2 – 60 seconds
round 3 – 45 seconds with 20 air presses IC

6 MOM – H2H, American Hammer, Rosalita, Can Openers, Protractor. Done.

Had 2 FNGs this morning. Welcome Jello and Bunny. Jello was EHed by Mermaid, who distinctly forgot to tell him the cardinal rule of the naming ceremony – keep your mouth shut and nod. We came up with something, to which he exclaimed “yeah, that’s cool.” Said name was immediately discarded for the one that he said “Please no, I’ve heard that all my life.” Welcome also to Bunny, who was EHed by Balk.

Other fun tidbits:

Fireman Ed can count in a really creepy voice when he wants to

Heartbreaker can only count up to 14 in Spanish, after which it becomes “fifteenio, sixteenio, seventeenio” and so on.

Thanks to all for being out there this morning. We all push each other and make each other better people. Don’t ever underestimate the impact your just showing up has on the other pax.


Swimming party – August 20th. See Champagne for details or the newsletter.
Christmas party December 2. Someone needs to find Mario (Tolkien is taken).

Conquering the Inferno

YHC was handed the keys to the toughest workout in SOB land and told to bring it. The 16 pax that joined YHC for the Inferno could tell you if it was a success.

The Thang:

Mosey to the Ballantyne Village parking deck. One quick run through the deck to point out the 5 different stations, along with SSH x 5, IW x 10, LSS x 10, and merkins (IC) x 5. Run down the staircase to the ground level to inform the pax what they’ll be doing at each station (all sets done at each of the 5 stations during that round):

Round 1: 3 Burpees
Round 2: 3 Burpees, 8 Merkins
Round 3: 3 Burpees, 8 Merkins, 13 Squats
Round 4: 3 Burpees, 8 Merkins, 13 Squats, 18 LBCs
Round 5: 3 Burpees, 8 Merkins, 13 Squats, 18 LBCs, 23 CDDs
Round 6: 3 Burpees, 8 Merkins, 13 Squats, 18 LBCs
Round 7: 3 Burpees, 8 Merkins, 13 Squats
Round 8: 3 Burpees, 8 Merkins
Round 9: 3 Burpees

Pax were instructed to head back the Vine around 6:10 if they hadn’t completed the ladder. Back at the launch lot around 6:13. 2 minutes of Protractor and we were done.


Most pax got in 7 laps, which equates to 105 burpees, 240 merkins, 325 squats, 270 LBCs, and 115 CDDs. Some of your typical teacher’s pets overachievers (Fahvra, Fire Hazard, Bunker, One-Niner) got in laps 8 and 9 and therefore a little more. Others (cough…Pebbles….cough) just did one and went for a cup of coffee. I’ll give him as much $h!t as I can because I know I can’t beat him in anything fitness-related or geology.

So where did “the Inferno” come from? YHC figured it’s about time to let the creative juices flow and conjure up an original, very painful, workout plan. The name comes from One-Eyed Willy’s ship in the movie Goonies, and I thought it was quite appropriate. If you worked hard today, your muscles should have been burning by the end.

Other things we learned today:

Flint actually does show up to some workouts to which he has committed #flintcommit

Fahvra is fast. Okay, we learned that a few weeks ago when he first started posting #collegeathlete. I think I kept up with him for 2 sets and then didn’t see him again until he lapped me. Dude’s jumps on his burpees in round 6 were higher than mine in round 1. I should’ve made him bring his son and have him put his sons shoes and socks on – that’s the only thing I’ve ever seen slow him down.

Fire Hazard kept up with Fahvra for a good bit, and still ended up finishing all 9 rounds. Awesome work. #leadingbyexample. Strong showing by the Site Q. #wheresmadame?

Frehley’s, MM, and Burnout were setting a pretty great pace behind Fahvra and Hazard. Frehley’s form on his squats needs a lot a little bit of help, but I guess we can cut him some slack #grandpasquats

Nard Dog sweats more than any human being alive.

Tolkien didn’t Q so he didn’t post. Oh wait, we already knew that, too.

Bucky is a gazelle. His gait is just as effortless in the last minutes of the workout than it is in the beginning. He is either a freak of nature or he needs to push himself more #youvsyou

Bunker doesn’t give a damn how you got your F3 name. However, his wife cares very much (too much for his liking). Email her at with the story of your nickname. She’ll fill him in.

Sound off with anything else you saw. YHC was sucking wind so much that all the other senses were giving out.


Good luck to Mario, Tolkien, Thin Mint, Squid, and Kid Rock in the Spartan tomorrow. Hopefully the sounds coming from Mario and Tolkien’s tent don’t keep the other guys up all night.

GORUCK in the Fort on May 5th

Convergence on September 13th for Bounty Hunter’s brother-in-law who is about to be deployed. BIL will be Qing.

F3 Dads this Saturday – last one of the year. German Sausage is on Q and is requesting water guns.

Frehley’s with the takeout.

An Hour of #Crowdpleasers

7 pax joined YHC at da Vinci on a very soupy July morning. After getting a half-hour warm-up at Stonehenge #doubledown, YHC was ready to make sure these men left their mark on one of SOB-land’s best AOs. At 7:00, the Weinke was bulging out of the pocket and we were off.

El Thang

Mosey about 8 feet for COP next to the fountains between Brixx and Bravo. SSH x 20, IW x 20, LSS x 20. We saved the merkins for….

Ascending curb crawl – 1 derkin on the fountain next to Brixx. Bear crawl to the adjacent fountain next to Bravo for 2 derkins. Bear crawl back to Brixx fountain for 3…. up to 10 derkins. I don’t know if Frehley’s had ever done this before, but the look on his face when I described it was priceless. #Crowdpleaser #1.

Shake out the arms with a little mosey toward the building with the stairs. Pax were given a choice: 7’s or the Beast. Being the great leader that he is, Strawberry emphatically yelled “both!” I didn’t think we’d get both in due to time constraints (I had other fun planned), but sure, we’ll give it a try. Run up the stairs of the building – 1 squat. Run across the upper level, past my wife’s favorite yoga studio, and down the stairs at the other end – 6 burpees. Run around the building and repeat until you hit 6 squats and 1 burpee. A little Mary while we wait for the six.

Mosey out to Blakeney Heath. Right on Blakeney Heath, right on Knightsdale, left on Mitchell Glen, left on Scottish Kilt Ct., and through the walkway to the best rockpile in all of south Charlotte. Pick a lifting rock. Kid Rock was instructed to pick the largest one anyone could find (gotta slow him down somehow and give him a challenge).

Round 1 – Jack Webb with 1 merkin and 4 rock presses. Laddered up to 4/16 and back down. Had to get this in. #Qfavorite
Round 2 – 15 squats with the rock. Carry the rock up the slight hill to the dock area with benches – 10 step-ups with each leg, with the rock pressed above your head. #Crowdpleaser #2. Carry rock back and do 15 more squats. Lots of groans and mumblechatter when this was instructed.
Round 3 – 15 curls, drop rock, run to dock and do 10 derkins. Run back to rock for 15 more curls.
Round 4 – 15 overhead presses, drop rock and run to dock for 10 step-ups each leg. Run back for 15 more presses.

Mosey back to Blakeney for the grand finale: the Mini Murph. #Crowdpleaser #3. Deafening groans when this was announced. 50 dips, 100 merkins, and 200 squats OYO, in any order you want.

Pax killed it, leaving about 9 minutes of Mary. Too much time, especially after 200 squats, so we mixed some plank in, as well. Ended up doing (I think) H2H, Flutter, Freddy, Protractor, Rosalita, and maybe some other stuff. The clock hit 7:59:40 and YHC couldn’t take it any more. Done. Smoked. YHC with the takeout since, as I was told, I was already in the middle.

El Skin del Mole

Thanks to Tuck and Mic Check for handing over the keys of this kick-ass AO. If you haven’t posted here yet, you’re missing out. So much to do. When I discovered the rock pile during some Friday morning recon, it was if a light shone down upon it from the heavens. Best one in south Charlotte, period. I felt like Tolkien and Mario every time they’re able to convince a bunch of half-naked dudes to join them in their hot tub.

T-Claps to 777’s and Cheddar for doubling down with YHC. I know we all earned whatever fun we had for the rest of the weekend.

Bevo – awesome to meet you. Hope to see you again soon in the gloom. Don’t hate me after September 4th.

Kid Rock – great to see you in the gloom. It’s been awhile. Congrats on smashing your July goal and good luck in the Spartan on 8/6.

T-Claps to Strawberry for the pre-run in on a bum foot. You’ve always supported YHC and I can’t tell you how much I appreciate it. #ISI. Just know I try to pay that forward to other pax.

Goodyear – keep coming out, brother. We don’t see you enough.

Frehley’s – #respect says it all. You’re an inspiration to all of us. Thank you, as well, for all of your support.

An honor to lead you men. Go make the world a better place.

Gettin’ Our Rocks Off

YHC promised a painful one for this week’s celebration of the Maul. 15 pax showed up to see if he could deliver:

Tha Thang:

SSH x 20
IW x 20

Let’s get straight to the fun – bear crawl suicides. Start at one line – bear crawl 2 parking spaces and do two merkins. Run back to the starting line. Bear crawl 4 parking spaces and do 4 merkins, run back. Went up to 10 parking spaces and 10 merkins. #crowdpleaser

Give the shoulders a rest (they’re going to need it) and mosey down the Murderhorn to the rock pile. Pick a rock that you’ll become intimate with over the next 30ish minutes (numerous questions of “a lifting rock or a running rock?”). Just pick one.

Jack Webb – 1 merkin, 4 presses with the rock. Laddered up to 5/20 and back down to 1/4. This really hurt by the end. Took a breath with some LBC’s, Dolly, and Rosalita (all x15).

Pick up the rock and head to the pile. Don’t throw the rock back – more fun awaits. Triple 7’s on the Murderhorn’s wicked stepsister (this thing needs a name). At the top, 7 full body squat, curl, and press with the rock. At the bottom, 7 American Hammer/Russian Twists with the rock. Carry the rock the whole time, 7 times up and down. Heartbreaker led some Mary while waiting on the six.

Need to head back for the grand finale. Run up the Murderhorn – 10 lunges at each lamppost along the way (10 x 3). Catch our breath and wait for the six – time to mosey back to the parking lot.

Tight circle for the Sally Challenge. This is an awesome/horrible way to end a workout. Everyone gave it their all, for most of the song, at least.

Time – well done, men. Squid with the takeout.

Skinny of the Mole:

This was my anniversary Q, and I tried to bring it as much as I could. Might throw in some burpees next time, just to make it more fun. My arms and shoulders are definitely feeling it.
– Great job to Heartbreaker, Strawberry, Cold Cuts, and Squid for leading the way on the Triple 7’s. They were moving faster with a rock than I normally do without one.
– Paper Jam killed the Sally challenge. His upper body strength is ridiculous.
– Cheddar and his soccer arms hated me the entire time. That’s what you get for your Alabama shirt, brother.

Thanks to all for coming out. It is an honor to lead.


F3-only Ruck being put together by the guys in the Fort. Talk to Bounty Hunter. It will be sometime in spring of 2017.

Whetstone program – sign-ups are still going on

F3 Dads this Saturday – Francis Beatty Park and the bull ring at Stonehenge. 9:00 am.

F3 Golf – July 29th

Southern Discomfort – October 22nd

Not Reinventing the Wheel

On a perfect June morning, 18 pax (including 1 FNG) converged on Base Camp for a very unoriginal Weinke by a very grateful Q. YHC began his F3 journey 52 weeks ago at this same AO, so the plan was to relive that suck.

The Thang:

Warm-up jog around the parking lot with butt-kickers and high knees, waiting for Adobe to roll in. He was a little later than normal today, so off we moseyed to the football field.

SSH x 26
IW x 26

Enough warming up, let’s get to it:

Jack Webb: went to 7 merkins, 28 air presses
Jack Webb Abs: went to 5 H2H, 20 LBC’s
Just for fun, we did 8 merkins and 32 air presses before taking a cool-down lap around the track in preparation for the main event.

Circle back up in the center of the field and break into 4 groups for the Starfish:

5 burpees in the middle
Four corners: 10 merkins, 15 squats, 10 CDD’s, 20 LBC’s

Once you go to a corner and complete the respective exercise, come back to the middle for 5 burpees. We did this for about 20 minutes and each group should have gotten in about 3 full rounds (around 65 burpees). Torpedo led the flutter (x15) while we waited for everyone to finish.

Mosey on up to Semi-Gloss’ morning office for some People’s Chair: one minute wall sit; recover. One minute wall-sit with 50 air presses led by Fireman Ed (big mistake).

Finish off with some Mary:

Dolly x 20
Freddy Mercury x 20
American Hammer/Russian Twist x 15
Rosalita x 20
30 LBC’s OYO
Finished off with one minute of plank (Fireman Ed has terrible plank form)



Making up new exercises is overrated. YHC is a firm believer in stealing ideas from other people. The starfish was the main event on my virgin post, and it was the worst thing I had ever been through. YHC was fat and completely out of shape. Now: in much better shape and a little less fat (pizza and beer have something to do with this). Needless to say, everyone, including YHC, did much better this time than I did that morning a year ago. Strong work by all, especially Knight Rider and Hannibal. Very impressed by Chin Music, and Crayola – even thought they’re fairly new, they kept up darn well. Also found out I live about a sand wedge away from the Once-ler. Good times.

Thank you to Simba and myself for letting me lead. It’s always very exciting and very humbling to lead the men of F3.


Southern Discomfort – October 22. Margo and Gerber are co-Q’s
F3 Golf – July 29th at Old Sycamore

Bear Crawls, Burpees, and Boulders

17 Pax, including 1 FNG, posted to Rebel Yell this morning and regretted it 45 minutes later. Here’s why:

COP (all IC)
SSH x 15
Merkins x 10
IW x 10
Hillbillies x 10
LSS x 15

Mosey to the area between Chipotle and Smashburger for the Ascending Bear Crawl. Do 1 derkin on the ledge, bear crawl across to the other ledge, do 2 derkins. Bear crawl back across, do 3 derkins, and so on. I stopped everyone when I reached 10. It was awful.

Mosey to the church parking lot:
Lap 1 around the church – 5 LBCs at first speed bump, 5 flutters at the next, 10 LBCs at the 3rd, 10 flutters at the 4th, and so on. Last two were 25 LBCs and 25 flutters.
Lap 2 – 10 burpees at the first speed bump, 9 at the 2nd, so on and so forth down to 1. #crowdpleaser

Running low on time. Skipped the triple nickel I had planned and mosey back to the launch site. Partner up and grab a rock (or in Torpedo’s case, a pebble). P1 runs up the west hill of the launch lot while P2 does rock work.
Curls x 2
Presses x 2
Squats x 2

Had time for 20 reverse crunches (thanks, Squid), and we’re done/smoked.


Hopefully none of you truly regretted it. I had to bring it with all of the all-stars that posted this morning. A lot of Rebel Yell regulars. A few notes:

– The ascending bear crawl, again, was awful. I’ll definitely do that again.
– The burpee circuit sucked, as always. When I announced we would descend instead of ascend, Van Pelt said “that’s better.” I know. I don’t think I would have made it the other way #mentalmidget. I usually have a no-burpee policy but not today.
– Had to skip the triple nickel and another fun station I had planned. Next time, I promise.
– Big Tuna requested a Mini-Murph, but I just couldn’t do it. Next time, I promise.
– Perfect takeout by Wild Turkey

You guys are the best. Thanks to Strawberry and Heartbreaker for letting me lead.


Couple different service projects on 5/14: wall-building with Haggis and food packing with Fireman Ed – check the emails
F3 Dad’s Knights game is 5/14 also

Partner Day #ISI

18 Pax started off another brisk, glorious F3 week with a “moderate workout” at Base Camp.

The Thang:

Mosey down to the football field for COP (all IC)

IW x 15
Merkins x 10
SSH x 15
LSS x 15

Partner up (#1): line up at midfield, partners sprint to opposite goal posts and back, 15 hand-slap merkins at midfield (x3)

Mosey to the bleachers by the baseball fields for Partner up #2 (w/ different partner). Quick set of 100-200-300 with merkins, squats, and LBC’s. Daisy let some Plankorama while waiting on the 6. Everyone got in about 6 circuits total.

Mosey up to the parking lot for a quick round of Jack Webb, up to 5/20 and laddered back down #firemanedspecial.

Finished up with 3-man grinders (Partnering up #3). Mary on one end and cinder block work on the other.



For those who didn’t think it was moderate – #cobains. You’re better and stronger for it. I wanted to try something a little different with the partners. We tend to get a pretty good smattering of different people at Base Camp and not everyone knows everyone. Hopefully you met someone you didn’t know and had a connection. #ISI is factual, and I think that comes out best when we do partner work. Couple notes:

Smash – way to kill it this morning. You showed me today you should be near the head of the pack every workout. Great job.

Fire Marshall Bill – 3 weeks in a row. Keep it up. Never gets easy, but it gets easier. Hopefully you’re becoming a BC regular.

Strange Brew – great to see you back in the boot camp gloom. Glad to hear the shoulder is still progressing.

Strawberry IS becoming a Base Camp regular – I love it!


F3 Knights game – May 14th. Check the weekly email for more info.
Fireman Ed is leading a service project, also on May 14. See above comment for details.
F3 Dad’s camp – see above above comment for details.

Backside Mumblechatter

15 Pax shunned the fartsack to get a little stronger this morning. Here’s what we did:

Mosey over to parking lot next to Smoke for COP:

SSH x 15
Merkins IC x 15
IW x 14 #Qfail
LSS x 15

Mosey over to speed bump alley for a Stonecrest/Goonie version of the Beast:

6 speed bumps, 10 of called exercise at each bump:

– HR merkins
– CDDs
– Jump squats
– Merkins
– Squats

Much to Mr. Bean’s chagrin, there were no burpees #cobains. There was, however, supposed to be a round of bear crawls, but YHC smoked himself with the HR merkins too much. Next time, I promise. An audible was called to squats.

Mosey about 30 whole yards to the hill on the south side of Target for a Triple Nickel: 5 CDDs at the top, 5 squats at the bottom, make sure to run up the hill backwards #bigtunaspecial

Circle up for a round of Jack Webb abs. Before starting, relocate aforementioned circle thanks to the noxious fumes coming from the backsides of Frehley’s and Chipotle #usual suspects. Outback might have gotten in on that, as well, but I’m not sure. Unfortunately for the rest of the Pax, their backsides produce more mumblechatter than their mouths. Finally got started: 1 Heels 2 Heaven, 4 LBC’s, followed by 2 H2H and 8 LBC’s, and we finished with 6 H2H and 24 LBC’s before YHC thought we were running out of time for the grand finale.

Mosey to the benches in front of Michael’s for a Mini Modified Murph: 50 dips, 100 merkins, 200 squats. Always a #crowdpleaser. Halfway through the squats, YHC got in on the backside mumblechatter. I needed a little more personal space for my merkins. With a couple minutes to go, we headed back to the launch lot. First ones back did LBCs until time was called.



YHC was spent. After a couple run-heavy posts last week at the Maul and Rebel Yell, I wanted to lead a full-body beatdown for the Pax. My body is telling me that was a mission accomplished. In total, we did 250 merkins, 360 squats, 85 CDDs, over 100 LBCs, and probably got in about 2 miles. It wasn’t enough, obviously, as Heartbreaker and Tuna had enough left for an AYG race back to the launch lot. I’ll try harder next time, boys.

MT, Bean, Heatbreaker, and Outback led the way on the speed bumps and never looked back. I think Outback even did some extra credit along the way. YHC was too tired to make Bean pay for his “please no burpees” comment. #cobains Next time, my friend.

Strong work by all. Torpedo is upping his weekly posting – keep it up, brother!

Goodyear and Freon – keep pushing. It never gets easy, but it gets easier.

Great to see Paper Jam back out in the gloom after a bout with the plague. Loogie – hope the shoulder starts feeling better soon.

Cheddar – I hope you’re as sore and miserable today as I was last week after your Q.

Thanks to Commish and Wingman for the opportunity. It’s an honor, and humbling experience to lead such a group of Charlotte’s finest.

Great takeout by Paper Jam.


Our brother Wild Turkey is dealing with a family issue in Texas, please keep him in your prayers.

Check the schedule if you’re posting Saturday – a few of the SOB AO’s are converging with a struggling AO in Indian Land to infuse a little life into it.

Hell hath no fury like a Murderhorn scorned

After Wingman led a quick up and down last week at the Maul, without so much as a quick cuddle afterwards, the Murderhorn felt a little cheap.  As most of us (probably) know, you don’t want those feelings festering inside those you care about too long.  To right Wingman’s wrong, 15 SOBs (including 1 FNG – Goodyear), set out to make things right, and probably give a few of those “I-don’t-know-why-I’m-apologizing-but-I’m-going-to-do-it-anyway-to-make-you-feel-better” apologies (c’mon, you all know what I’m talking about).  Here’s how we got back in her good graces:

Preparation for the night:

10 merkins OYO

SSH x 15

10 merkins OYO

IW x 15

LSS x 15

The date and foreplay:

Mosey to the bottom of the ‘Horn.   Set of 11’s on Elmstone between Stonepath and Summit Tree.  Start with 10 jump squats at the bottom, 1 HR merkin at the top.  9 jump squats and 2 HR merkins, so on and so forth.  First ones done led Mary while waiting on the 6.

Things getting hot and heavy:

Mosey to the rockpile, partner up, and grab a lifting object.

1st round:  80 curls and 80 merkins between the partners

2nd round:  80 teabag squats and 80 jump squats

3rd round:  80 overhead presses and 80 CDDs

The Climax.  She finally has her way with us:

CMIYC with partners: P1 runs backward up the Murderhorn while P2 does 5 merkins and chases running forward.  LBCs while waiting on the 6.

After that, we only had a few minutes to cuddle, so we moseyed back to the launch lot for:

H2H x 20

American Hammer x 20

Rosalita x 20

Time – we get to pack up and go home


As much as YHC hates the Murderhorn, she provides a hell of a workout.  I knew there would be an FNG coming this morning, so I wanted to properly baptize him into F3 #cobains.  Hopefully he doesn’t hate me now and will come back.  Goodyear – you’ll learn there are other Q’s who are much, much less merciful than me.

We had a perfect morning and this one smoked us all, I think.  Squid and Checkpoint were neck-and-neck on the 11’s and led the whole way.  Great work, boys.  The rockpile work was more tiring than I thought it would be.  I was hoping for some active recovery on that one, but it was tough in and of itself.  The backwards run up the Murderhorn is always a crowd favorite.  Squid and Wild Boar set the pace for that.  We ran out of time before a few of YHC’s favorites, so look for those soon coming to a Maul near you #JackWebb.

An honor, as always, my friends.  Thank you to Commish and Wingman for giving me the opportunity.  You all make me a better person.  Thanks to Squid for the great takeout.


Balrog this Saturday – still time to sign up

Mud Run sign-ups are live.  Get with Fire Hazard with any questions

Night with the Knights for F3 men and their 2.0’s