8 men for a split Q beat down at Commitment, courtesy of Transporter and YHC. Neither YHC nor Transporter knew what each other had in store. In fact, the entire arrangement was arranged by 12 DM Twitter words last evening:
Transporter: “Want to do a split Q?”, YHC: “Sure man, I’ll take Act 2”.
And that was that; here’s what went down:
Good work from a fast group at Commitment today. Hopefully today’s joint Q beat down provided just the right amount of suckage to allow you to partake in some weekend libations without adversely affecting your lbs. Speaking of lbs, have you guys seen Damascus lately ? Not only is he still crushing workouts, he looks like he’s lost a good 10-20 pounds in just the last 4-5 weeks. Damascus, you need to post a #wasnow and your F3 story. Very well done !! Stuffed Crust is wicked fast. Gator Cub kept pace with the group the whole time, much respect !! Maple Syrup admittedly has been AWOL for a while, good to see you back man ! Pogo, thanks for your service in helping get the power back on for folks who have lost it.
Split Q’s are fun. Provides a cool environment for collaborative leadership, which is often times the place we find ourselves in our jobs. Speaking of Qing, the Commitment Q sign-up is abysmally empty from now until infinity future. Everyone who has posted to at least 3 or 4 F3 workouts should be able to work up the courage to give Qing a try. Get out there and sign up men !! Damascus, sign up! Pogo, sign up! Maple Syrup, sign up! Loafer, sign up !, Gator Cub, sign up!
Transporter, comment below if I missed anything
Argonaut Out.
No High T this week. We are joining with the kettlebell clinic and having fun in the rain.
It was an honor to lead the Outland Saturday workout. One of the greatest things of the F3 workout is that the Q does not have to be the most fit person (or best counter) to lead the workout. Every person gets the full effect of the workout regardless of fitness level. All get stronger; all receive the push from one another to push to levels they have not reached before.
The Pax: Shepherd, Hair Band, EE (double E), Glass Joe, Smokey, Pikachu, Bonhoeffer, Hoodie, Hercules, The late Show, The Count (ah ah ah),
The warmup:
Started with the pledge and disclaimer. I suggested they all go home but none took me up on the suggestion.
Short Mosey to the tennis courts for some Plank-O-Rama:
Alternating arms and legs up, (at this point, Hushpuppy described the how in the Gashouse, if you have a case of the SV you needed some F3 to get over it. When a man begins to wine, we say “what’s wrong, you got a case of SV? You got sand in your vag?) This generated some mumble chatter and laughter and made it difficult for YHC to hold his left leg up. We then moved on to:
Peter parkers x 10IC
Shoulder taps x 10IC
Parker peters, x 10IC
Merkins x 10IC
SSH in cadence X 20
Squates IC X 10
Zombie walk across tennis court, lunges and then a squat at each line
Bear crawl back, a Merkin at each line
Then mosey to SV high school looking for some bleachers. The gate was locked and some of the PAX stated we could easily jump the small wall but YHC did not want to contribute to the delinquency of the PAX so I called an Audible and we did some donkey kicks. Since I start to taste my breakfast in the back of my throat when my 6 gets above my head I asked Glass Joe to call the cadence. At about #22 the Pax began to mumble something about a Q-Jack and I loudly tried to regain control. GJ stopped at 25, sensing a mutiny was brewing.
Then called for some little baby dips on the curb X 15,
Mosey back towards SV Middle school. There was a small walking track I would guess about 1/8 a mile and was perfect for some Dora 1-2-3. I tried to count off partners as 1, 2 , 1, 2 but realized at the end that was fruitless and just called partner up (counting failure #1) 100 Merkins, 200 squats, 300 flutter kicks (right leg 300 times, left leg 300 times). The counting seemed to get off again as several finished but some seemed to do 100 more while the rest of us wondered if we’d gotten lost. (somewhere in there was counting failure #2)
We then moseyed to the far side of the School to some brick benches and curbs
Alternating between 20 step ups in cadence, then 15 Dips in cadence, X3
And a set of Derkins just to mix things up. Thanks to “The Count” for the count.
Then to the curb for some Rocky Balboas (toe taps) x 15 IC.
We moseyed to the sidewalk on the main road and The hour was nearly over so we completed some 7’s with Monkey humpers at the top and merkins at the bottom. The Monkey humpers were done facing the road showing Indian Trail our best side. At least 2 motorists honked, one of which was a plumber in his work truck. We all agreed he was beeping at GJ.
Once complete YHC attempted to circle up for a circle burp, or what was later named a burpee wave. This was much more appropriate of a name considering my 2.0 was there for his first adult workout. 4 groups of 3 to do burpees in a wave fashion, group 1, 2, 3, One! Again, counting failure (#3) on the Q’s part we ended up with 3 groups of 4 and this definitely wouldn’t work. Once “The Count” straightened out the count, we began. We had 6 minutes remaining and I challenged the PAX that in the Gashouse we had done 87 in 10 minutes. The gladly took on that challenge and once we hit our stride we completed 40 in 6 minutes.
Announcements: YHC shared on the Climb, a CSAUP in the Gashouse and encouraged the PAX to come. Here is a link for you to register. https://crowdersridge.churchcenteronline.com/registrations/events/39614
10/8 will be a multi county convergence for the Monroe Launch at Belk Tonawanda park. I look forward to seeing these HIM’s again in my old home town.
Prayer requests for health issues and the launch. We had clearly eliminated any signs of SV and completed the morning with a prayer for those requests that were mentioned and unspoken.
Finally, I want to make note that the 3rd F devotional from Titus was very meaningful. One of the hardest parts of leadership is knowing when to depend on others; when to realize you can’t do it all yourself. Entrust your vision to faithful men who are of like mind and spirit and you will succeed. This was effective both with the Apostle Paul and his sons of the faith, and the success of F3.
Starting tomorrow a new study begins at Timekeeper, the 3rd F at Einstein Bros. Bagels in Ballantyne after Bagpipe and Swift. We will read through the Book of John. If you wanted to learn more about the Bible but found reading it somewhat challenging or confusing, this study is for you- we are not Biblical scholars, will read, discuss and navigate the Gospel of John together. If you wanted to get involved with a 3rd F but didn’t want the extra burden of a reading assignment or purchasing a book, this study is for you. Just show up, no pre-reading required, there are free Bible apps you can download to your phone and those participating can read along that morning. Finally, if you are struggling with your faith, in the midst of beginning a spiritual journey or just struggling with life, this study is for you. You can ask questions in a non judgmental forum, learn along with others just like you and find the answers you are looking for.
Only the strong arrived this morning at Centurian with their game faces on. Being an alumni of CCHS and a member of the Sports Hall of Fame(hold your applause), YHC thought it was time to get some miles in and carry CMU’s. A not so proper and vague disclaimer was given.#rookieQ.
The Thang:
Centurian mile to top of parking deck. Plank for six.
Head down to lower level and circle up for low, slow squat, american hammer and LBC’s.
Run back to launch for the surprise coupons. Team up into groups of four and grab a 39lb CMU and run to the greenway parking lot.
Brief circuit work 3x of-
Lunge walk parking lot back to CMU’s.
Gather CMU’s and run back to Centurian picnic tables for the following-
Gather CMU’s and head back to launch(audible thanks to Chelms, more on that later).
Bear crawl lot 2x’s.
Circle up for PAX called exercises-
Finish
Moleskin
Salty crew this morning. No guidance needed. Starting with the Centurian mile and keeping things moving was the goal. Little to no mumble chatter this morning except for my cadence count of low slow squat.#rookieQ. YHC’s original plan did not involve the CMU’s but Mermaid’s tweets the night before about suckfest brought out the A game. Channeled my inner Terrible Terry Tate and felt the CMU’s were a proper addition and great way to end the week.
Chelms eagerness to leave with his CMU and head back to launch made YHC thankful. Original ending had us going to Panera staircases and then back to launch. Good audible.
YHC tried to keep it burpee free but Cain had other thoughts.#burpeemachine.
Great team work by all. Covered just over 3 miles with CMU’s and nobody backed down. Motivated.
Mermaid with the take out.
Thank you to Chelms and Margo for the opportunity to lead a group of great men. It’s always motivating to see the commitment to better one’s self and others. Iron sharpen irons.
Annoucements:
CSAUP Area 51 Southern Discomfort 10/22. Sign up.
Collecting food, gift cards or cash donations for The Relatives. See Margo for more information.
Brookstone School needs tutors, lunch buddies, etc. See Hannibal for more information.
Because Calvary Church wasn’t busy enough on a Saturday.
If you want to build a body like Arnold, better hit the gym 6 days a week. If you want to work on those soccer-arms and show off your guns in the mirror join us for strength training Saturday morning at Calvary Church’s ‘Muscle Beach’ (by the Hot-Box). Expect some of the usual boot-camp style exercises but with plenty of heavy weights to sculpt that Adonis-like physique.
This was launched over the summer (thanks to Tiger-Rag and many others). And based on our experiences the following will be our “Rules of the Road”:
We’re looking for additional site Q’s for this workout. If you have any interest reach out to Hoover at: rob.n.jones@gmail.com
This is a great alternative to the many miles we have put on our sneakers and a chance to find muscles you didn’t know you had. Start hitting the garage sales, neighbors, consignment centers, etc. Get a bar and weights and join us.
DISCLAIMER: http://f3nation.com/disclaimer-and-notice/
A Tribute to F3 Leaders
After taking it easy during most of the workouts for the past month or two (MAF’fing it), YHC decided to honor both of the site-Q’s, Pebbles & Mario, who are tough as they come, by throwing down one of the hardest workouts YHC could put together at their site. You can always count on Pebbles to step up and Q a strong workout at a number of locations week-in and week-out, and he has been the face of F3 Indian Land for some time now. Pebbles challenges others to give their best effort during workouts, leading by example, and you always see him competing at the front of the pack. He has revived the Black Diamond workout, helped start Fat Camp, and challenged PAX from several regions to test their boundaries for several years now in The Gladiator Games (which may or may not be skewed to his strengths). We need more leaders like Pebbles in F3, we just prefer they don’t stare down the PAX with crazy eyes, to keep men coming back to the workouts.
Mario might just be the youngest SOB despite turning 25yrs old, but if you were to measure leadership by age, Mario would be a RESPECT. I looked up what it means to be a Leader in the F3 Dictionary and here’s what I got:
A leader shows up to an F3 Dads Workout without being a dad and plays with so many 2.0s that an FNG might think you’re the father of more kids than Antonio Cromartie (13 known 2.0s). A leader steps up to be an active site-Q for multiple AO’s The Brave, Fat Camp, and F3HotTubs. A leader volunteers to manage the never ending Twitter responsibilities for SOB workouts while having a full-time job and full-time grad school. A leader doesn’t just sign up for the Whetstone Mentorship Project but coordinates and markets the program so heavily because he sees that other men can and should strengthen each other, and acts as a mentor or mentee when possible at all times. A leader puts more value on a F3 Spartan Team going #1 rather than beating anyone individually. A leader moves forward through obstacles and adversity with positivity and purpose, even when it’s the inexplicable loss of a your father, or some d-bag stealing the bike you worked so hard to pay for.
Mario is the definition of a leader. Buddy know we will be here by your side as you go through this tragedy and lead your family.
We have tremendous leaders in F3 Nation, and YHC sees them every morning from 5:15am-6:15am daily, reads about them in backblasts, sees them in action in community service projects, and knows F3 Nation is a big reason why there are more and more leaders in our communities. Great work men, continue your leadership. Today, YHC just wanted to publicly recognize two of many for their leadership contributions.
Summary
YHC had the week off from my regular Wednesday men’s group, and volunteered last minute to lead ‘Fat Camp’ for the first time, as a tribute to the Fat Camp Site-Q’s (Pebbles & Mario), and openly promised to make it the HARDEST workout of their week on reduced Twitter marketing (are you happy Twitter followers?!?). 14 men answered the bell, but you’ll need to ask them if YHC delivered on that promise…as for me, it’s Thursday Morning and YHC is flat-out car-accident sore.
The Thang
YHC arrived ~30 minutes early to unpack the truck and set up the field with tons of gear. Several witty PAX like Wild Turkey assumed a 60minute MAF run was in the cards for Fat Camp, but there would be NO running today (or low heart rates) other than a half-hearted mosey around the parking lot to pick up the final two PAX coming in hot with their vehicles. The PAX were looking for the Q at 5:13am and apparently missed the bright headlamp and giant truck parked next to the field. Quick disclaimer was given recommending modifications as necessary given the nature of the planned workout #HEAVYstuff #cantsueme
The workout of the day was a TABATA format: 4-min @ 7 different stations w/ 15 seconds of transition time in-between. The 7 stations were done for two sets, for a total of 13* 14 stations. 2 men started at each station, one man rotating clockwise and the other man rotating counter-clockwise at the completion of each 4-min segment. So of the two men at station #1, one would move to 7>6>5>4>3>2>1>7>6>5>4>3>2 while the other man would move to 2>3>4>5>6>7>1>2>3>4>5>6>7 at the conclusion of the 4 min period. To YHC instructions seem so simple, but for whatever reason… listening to instructions seem to be the hardest exercise of any workout #noonelistenstotheQ . Aside from Exercise #7, YHC threw out some of the toughest exercises that could be done for 4 minutes straight, out of respect for the Fat Camp Site-Q Leaders Pebbles & Mario.
*Apologies for YHC’s FIRST, and likely LAST, Q-fail ever, and despite having supernatural genetically infused math skills, YHC miscounted the number of stations by 1, so only 13 4-min rounds were completed not 14*
COT…. load the gear back in to truck, be inspired by a great heart-felt takeout by Bubble Boy, peace we outa here!
Naked Moleskine
Back to the Workout… To YHC surprise, 14 men showed up to Fat Camp, which was a larger group than YHC expected. Lucky that 7 stations were in order, and that we had an even number of men which made for a perfect rotation.
Fire Hazard pumped his knees higher than a marching band drum major, and pulled like an ox during the partner resistance band exercises. Peppermint apparently wasn’t getting enough of a workout farmers carrying 90lbs of deadweight, that he carried two paver buckets (170lb) around the cones #ridiculous. After basically smashing everyone* in the Horsey Hill Race Monday, Fahvra proved he’s got more than just speed and and sexxxy ripped body (direct quote from Flint), but enough power to go toe-to-toe in tug-o-war with pound-for-pound one of the strongest guys in F3 Pebbles. Speaking of Flint, he’s made great strides in such a short time in F3 and YHC is very proud of him for stepping up to lead Foxhole Monday (despite YHC missing the VQ on account of the “poo-drips” #TMI). Wild Turkey always gives his all, and YHC observed him gassing out his forearms on battle-rope swings like he was back in wrestling camp… wait was that a called exercise (NO)? Despite a busted shoulder, One-Niner beasted the workout and YHC bets could go all day walking on his hands in partner wheelbarrows. Argonaut has ridiculous strength, choosing to carry the 45lb KB above his head for farmers carry, just as he carried the 70lb log above his head up Bagpipe Hill during one of YHC’s Brave Q’s. While the heavy sled would barely budge for many Pax, Mighty Mite had no issues pushing the lowest bar (hardest), and even was seen pulling the weight sled backwards without using the tow rope. Firemarshall Bill dragged YHC across the field in tug-o-war faster than Harambe the silver-back gorilla did with the kid at the Cincinnati zoo a few months ago. YHC is sending him the bill for a new pair of workout shorts and butt-bandaids from the turf-burn YHC incurred after only a few minutes. First time meeting Bubble Boy at a workout, but the guy is legit, and will be pushing for the lead in any workout he posts at. Good to see Kirby show up and work hard at Fat Camp, after YHC invited him after meeting him at Bagpipe the day before. Hope to see you at more workouts. Bourne is a grinder, and showed it’s not the size of the dog in the fight… it’s the size of the fight in the dog (or something like that). JRR Tolkien’s apparently just a runner now…a slow one at that, and struggled through everything 🙁 But it was a pleasure to lead a different workout, and serve my F3 Brothers. Thank you Pebbles & Mario for the opportunity to lead.
Announcements
SYITG ~ JRR Tolkien
15 Brave souls showed up for the site launch of F3 Watchtower. With the leadership of Frack and YHC it went a little something like this:
Warmup
30 SSH
12 merkins
20 Plank jacks
10 merkins
Short Mosey to playground and partner in 3’s. First circuit pull ups, derkins and lap for two cycles. Second circuit leg to bar on swing set, dips and running for two cycles.
Mosey to back lot as a for two circuits. First 100 derkins, 100 split squat and 100H2H as one partner runs the loop. Second circuit 100 diamond merkins, 100 dips, 100 sit-ups as one partner runs.
Over to wall for wall sits plus two sets of donkey kicks
Mosey loop around school with break along the way for some peoples chair and arm presses.
Quick Mary back at start and end.
Glad to see so many people make it out to the launch this morning. We got started by mixing in the playground allowing us to get the needed pull up work many of us needed. A lot of complaints about how thick the bar way, Kevorkian mentioned that her prefers to grip a thin pole. Only got a chance to explore a small part of the campus this morning, make sure to come back and explore the rest with us.
Announcements
Sign up to Q this wonderful new site:
https://m.signupgenius.com/#!/showSignUp/10C0F48AFAF23A7FA7-f3watchtower
Sun dancer is collecting clothes to donate to the flood victims in Louisiana. He will be at Commitment on Saturday. Please bring what you can.
F3 Sanctuary tonight 7:30 Brooklyn Pizza in Wesley Chapel.
Dasher shared that one of his neighbors, Amy Atia (sp?) was recently diagnosed with breast cancer. Let’s keep her and her family in our prayers.
8 men met in the humid gloom to get stronger. After a thorough disclaimer, this is what went down:
THE THANG
As YHC fell asleep last night age 44 and woke this morning age 45, the number of the day was….45.
COP
SSH X 15
IW X 15
Mountain Climbers X 15
Total = 45 reps
MAIN EVENT – LADDERS + SWINGS (THE SWINGING LADDER)
45 swings to get things started
9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1 reps of each called exercise, for a total of 45 reps
30 swings after each 7, 4, 1 rung for total of 90 swings to accompany each exercise
(1st 2-Handed, 2nd-1-Handed, 3rd -American Swings)
Called Exercises:
Goblet Squats – 45
Snatches R + L (9 on each side, 8 on each side, etc.) – 45 each (90 total)
Upright Rows – 45
Lawn Mowers (Bent Over Rows) – 45
45 swings to finish things up
Total Swing Count: 450
45 SECONDS OF MARY
Plank-O-Rama for 45 seconds (regular, hands/legs up, 6 inches)
SOUNDTRACK BY BERRY, BUCK, MILLS, STIPE
Wolves Lower, Gardening at Night, Carnival of Sorts, Radio Free Europe, Harborcoat, Driver 8, Begin the Begin, These Days, I Believe, Superman, Finest Working, Orange Crush, Electrolite, (Reserve: Sidewinder Sleeps Tonite, Bandwagon, White Tornado, Tighten Up)
COT
Thanks for the take-out Wild Turkey
YE NAKED MOLESKINE
Well, that was a grinder. YHC had a heavy leg work-out planned weeks ago. However, as YHC has his first GORUCK event in 2 days, last minute audible was called to try something less leg-intensive. A partial test drive last night had YHC almost give up around snatch ladder number 6. Thinking it was just the heat/humidity/late night fatigue/loneliness, decision was made to proceed on today. Turns out YHC was smoked very early. The swings were supposed to be a welcome break from the exercises, but YHC had trouble completing the 30 reps called each time. A goal of 450 was too ambitious. Would have been much better for a 60 minute work-out. Honest swing count today was closer to 375, due to running out of time at the bottom of the last ladder, and then minus any modifications that may or may not have been made…
All the PAX were working HARD this morning and the sweat was dripping from the first set. There wasn’t much rest today so it was a good cardiac work out too. It was a great group today, with some meathead vets and some F3 vets who chose meathead to get a break from the running.
Welcome to Lulu (FNG) (Dominic), brought out by Witch Doctor. This was a brutal work out and you did great hanging in there for 45 long minutes. Keep coming back. It may not get easier, but you will get stronger, and it get’s more and more fun. Dominic is a recent biology grad from Boca Raton and currently works at a yoga studio, hence the name. He admitted to recently buying his first pair of lulu lemon apparel. I can concur that it was probably worth the money.
There was not much mumble chatter today. The most visited topic was the BRR. There is growing interest in forming a Meathead team. Just 2 weeks to decide…. Oh, and I think I heard the 30 swing count questioned at least 2 or 3 times. There was, in fact, a good bit of 2nd F after the COT. Some of the PAX are world travelers.
Hope the R.E.M. soundtrack was ok with the PAX. YHC chose a birthday Q to be of service and because it’s one of the best ways to start another year – waking early to push physically and mentally with my brothers, and connect with God spiritually. The music was admittedly selfish, but hey, YHC wanted to hear R.E.M. today, so there you go. No apologies. But next time there will be variety.
ANNOUNCEMENTS
Blue Ridge Relay (BRR) in 2 weeks. Some teams need runners or reserve runners or drivers.
4:30am alarm goes off…. “BEEEP”… “BEEEP” “BEEEEP” <Bratwurst hits snooze button with frail soccer arms, obviously that doesn’t work> … 4:45am backup alarm goes off… “BEEEP”… “BEEEP” “BEEEEP” <Bratwurst hits snooze button with his snuggly ‘Rosey the Runner’ American Girl Doll > … 4:59am and Bratwurst sleepwalks into the living room, bounds across the room, does a few butt-kicks, and like a zombie heads right back to bed in his M’s Pink Bunny House Slippers. If he had a Sprint phone, surely the alarm would have said “Can you hear me now!” but he’s still with Verizon. After staying up ridiculously late to watch synchronized pool dancing Usain Bolt win his 3rd straight Olympic Gold in the 100mm dash in 9.81 seconds, and Wayde van Niekerk set a new world record in the 400m dash in 43.03 seconds, Bratwurst was a very very sleepy fellow. Would he show up to his OWN workout, one of the few workouts honored with a mandatory pre-blast? Read on…
The 5:00am crew is waiting at the Vine American Kitchen Parking Lot ready to go. They think an extra 1.25 miles of MAF running (shameless plug: https://philmaffetone.com/) is needed because 5+ miles of fast intervals isn’t enough running for a workout. Such smart individuals those MAF’fers are. Or maybe they just showed up to prevent instantly ripping their old achilles tendons in two from the coming all-out sprints. #MAF=runSLOW2runFAST #jointheMAFmovement
Everyone there for the pre-run went Metro except Thin Mint. Even Devil’s Turn site-Q’s Bunker and Honey Bee were easily persuaded to air out their areolas while in the parking lot with no resistance #twinconnection. Thin Mint would not budge. Heck, Doc McStuffins never even wore a shirt out of his house this morning. That’s how they roll in Union County (vicious tattoo by the way… very scary in the dark!). Thin Mint wouldn’t budge! In fact he tucked the bottom of his new Eurosport Tank-Top into his running shorts like Steve Urkel, and cinched up the drawstring! It was odd…. All the PAX had a strange look on their faces as if everyone was thinking…. “are you thinking what I’m thinking? Yeah, I’m thinking what you’re thinking”. It’s like Thin Mint had something to hide, like a third nipple… maybe a fourth… or maybe just a mole on his chest that looked like a third nipple, or maybe no extra nipples but abnormally pointy ones #eraser-tops or maybe just really round tomato-ti…. Whoa! Let’s get back on track. Tolkien offered to take off his shorts to compensate for Thin Mint wearing one too many pieces of clothing, but that wasn’t necessary because Strange Brew’s soaking wet white shorts made him look like he wasn’t wearing any pants. Bottom Line Thin Mint wouldn’t take off his tank top and maybe that’s the secret to being a Spartan BAD@$$.
*Disclaimer: no offense to any PAX with multiple nipples, enlarged areolas, or even pointy ones. YHC thinks those are really cool, and YHC was just mind-reading statements of fact, not personal conjecture, kind of like a scribe does… or the dudes that were inspired to write The Bible, only different).*
It’s 5:15am and 17 Hot Dogs (SWIFTERS) and a few Vienna Sausages (Bagpipers of course) stood waiting in the lot… but not the BIG Kielbasa himself…. BRATWURST was not there!!!!! Thankfully, Strange Brew, who has been openly secretly gunning for Bratwurst’s SWIFT Q’ing responsibilities since Mountain Goat launched, instantly volunteered to lead the workout and shoved Frasier out of the way before the man could even raise his hand… and Frasier has been waiting for his opportunity to lead seemingly forever only to be denied by Bratwurst week after week (see you at Fast Twitch Frasier)! Wingman offered to track down Bratwurst with multiple methods of unreleased technology, but Strange Brew slapped the smartphone out of Wingman’s grip and stomped it to a million pieces. Cheddar offered to drive over to Brat’s house to see if Brat was ok, but we all thought it would take too long… (for Cheddar to run to his car parked 30 yards away, not drive to his house). There was no contacting Bratwurst this morning, no trolling him on Slack, no checking to see he was safe, none of that… not on Strange Brew’s watch.. and at 5:16am we were off for the warmup towards The Bull Ring. Bratwurst who?
At first it looked like a regular Swift workout… ~1 mile warmup run to the Bull Ring at 8-9min/miles. Followed by a few self-degrading uncomfortable ridiculous warmup exercises in The Bull Ring Parking lot… butt-rash waddles on your toes, heel walking on hot coals, marching-band knee ups, butt spanks with feet, and skipping carefree like 3rd grade schoolgirls #bounding. You know, the regular Tuesday stuff. Then Pax were instructed to run up and down Ballantyne Corporate Place, starting in front of the new Sara’s YMCA down the hill, up Bagpipe Hill, over the bridge to Ballantyne Commons Parkway, turn around and go the other direction until you hit the other end of Ballantyne Commons Parkway. Run 4 minutes at (F)riggin-Furious Pace followed by 3minutes of (S)troll-to-the-Six Pace…. Repeat until it’s time to head back to COT. It was a plan crafted by a master that wasn’t there… and from the start, began to unravel. Swift was about to get crazy…. Flat out stoooooopid!
As the first interval started, Teddy spotted a lady inside the YMCA pushing hard, or should we say, ‘pulling hard’, on the handrails of a treadmill, holding on for dear life since it was on apparently on a steep incline. Like her knight in shining armor, Teddy started sprinting there to turn the speed meter down so she wouldn’t get hurt, and mumbled something before taking off… but it sounded something like: “She’s sweat, wet, got it goin’ like a turbo Vette” … didn’t Sir Mix-A-Lot say that Teddy? Never saw Teddy again this morning… dude is quiet, but when he talks… dude is whack. Note to self: don’t talk to Teddy unless you wanna hear some weird funk coming out of his mouth.
Transporter made his first visit to Swift? And of course showed up fashionably late by a few minutes, eerily tailing the PAX with his SUV before pulling into the lot across the street from The Vine. I’m guessing he didn’t want any part of Bagpipe, so much so that he didn’t even want to park his car in the same lot. Or, he didn’t think he could run the extra 50 meters from the parking lot he was supposed to park in to catch up to the group. You should have seen the ear-to-ear smile on Doc McStuffins face when he saw Transporter made it to the workout, eerily similar to the look on Mario’s face when Tolkien is there, and Tolkien has when Pebbles is not at a workout… #brolove. As usual Thin Mint and Frasier were off to the races, and it appeared from a distance the two were jawing with each other as they sped off. As he was getting lapped, Hops heard Frasier shout at Thin Mint, “Well, I can eat a Bon-Bon and show you where it’s sitting in my stomach before it even melts!” followed by Thin Mint screaming at Frasier “Oh yeah, well my M is faster than you are!” (which also means she’s faster than Thin Mint #truth)…. fighting words! Frasier and Thin Mint stopped in their tracks, and it was on! Long looping “punches” were thrown by each man, and the bone-on-bone contact (not that kind) looked like two human skeletons whacking each other with the sound of fractures echoing in the air! Hops didn’t know what to do…. And shrieked like a Sally that he was having another e-coli attack, and both men stopped their slappin’ for a minute to check on him. Outback just strolled by, and thought nothing of the event since this kinda stuff happens Down-Under daily.
Wingman, fresh off his 15th wedding anniversary, heard the morning YMCA Zumba class, and decided to join his M and “shake what his momma gave him” there, and ditch the intervals #seewhatIdidthereWingy. Oddly enough, Bunker ran down the hill, and sneakily took a turn down onto the fitness trail. Wondering what he was doing, Abacus followed him and observed Bunker attach his Heart Rate Monitor to a dead person in a wheelchair. Being the nice guy he is, Abacus offered to help Bunker shave the three hairs he missed on his head from the morning’s shave. Honey Bee was back to his old tricks, and ran even paced throughout the morning. All that talk of an oweee toe during the week, and no ill effects on running? Hmmmm… Rumor has it Honey Bee got his toe healed at F3 Dads Camp, when he threw out a toe sucking competition by the youngest 2.0s… THAT’S DISGUSTING! Well, not to Fire Hazard… who wished he had been there (at Dads Camp, not the toe sucking competition… well maybe both), and agreed that was the best therapy he had for his injured cankle, mouth hickeys… kind of like the ‘suctioning’ Michael Phelps was doing to enhance performance in the Olympics… only different. Nard Dog said he had heard the same thing on TV about the impact of suctioning, lifted up his shirt, and showed a dozen suction cups dangling from his stomach like those attached to the udders of a milking cow. Soft Pretzel thought the suction cups were the coolest thing he’d ever seen, pulled out his smart phone and tried to order some on Amazon.com, but ordered Explain that purchase to the wife… #awkward. Then there was JRR Tolkien, who had been MAF’fing for so long, that his body and mind rejected the intended workout. Tolkien had to modify the workout to 3 minutes of 6min/mile (P)owerPuke Pace followed by 7 minutes of 8min/mile (D)ryHeave Pace…. Neither which are MAF approved. Heck, the dude didn’t even run with the group most of the morning and did his own thing. With the 80 degree humidity, it was like a solo session at F3HotTubs… just without the partner carries.
Miraculously, everyone made it back to COT uninjured and still waiting on Bratwurst… Until next week.
Announcements: Hey geniuses who don’t write backblasts… write a backblast. It’s part of Q’ing a workout.
JRR Tolkien out…