Four Score and Seven Burpees Ago…..
Launch Conditions: 55-ish degrees. Damp, but free from precipitation.
Pax: Snowflake, Prohibition, Fallout, Mr. Magoo, Snuka, Mermaid, Lorax, Brilleaux, Runstopper, Point Break, HIPAA
Mileage: 1.76 miles
Disclaimer: Given and legally accurate. Fun Fact: Abraham Lincoln practiced law without a degree. He only had 18 months of formal schooling.
Mosey over to some open parking lot space.
SSH x 20 (in cadence and fast-paced)
Low, Slow Good Mornings (LSGMs)
Low, Slow Squats
Saunter on over to the Ceremonial Inclined AstroTurf Semi-Circle.
Fun Fact: Lincoln is enshrined in the Wrestling Hall of Fame.
Partner 1 Bear Crawls all the way around the semi-circle. Partner 2 does Freddy Mercury.
Mosey to top of Tree Lined Avenue.
Gettysburg Address – 4 score and 7 years ago…. (87 years after the Declaration of Independence)
Each Pax does 20 Power Merkins (merkins with partner’s feet on your back). Flapjack.
Each pair (together) does a long lap all the way down the Tree Lined Avenue and back.
4 times total.
7 x Burpees at end.
On the Avenue of Trees:
Leg Jack Webb aka Suzanne Somers aka The Thighmaster
Do you know Jack Webb’s middle name? I don’t either, but he does have one. You know who doesn’t have a middle name? Abraham Lincoln.
1 x Lunge, 4 x Squats
2 x Lunge, 8 x Squats
up to 10 x Lunges, 40 x Squats
Mosey to hot box.
Fun Fact: Lincoln didn’t move to Illinois until he was 21. He grew up in Indiana. Which has nothing to do with this next exercise.
Coyote Ugly on picnic tables. 3 reps. Flapjack.
Fun Fact: You know who didn’t dip? Abraham Lincoln. He didn’t drink, smoke or chew, either.
Plank Jack x 10 → Sprint to next speed hump. Repeato.
Mosey on back to launch for some abbreviated Mary.
YHC serendipitously pulled up to the AO in a rental car with Illinois plates (the “Land of Lincoln”, which as we just learned is a total misnomer). After announcing the theme of the workout – Lincoln’s Birthday – Mermaid disclosed that he had just finished reading a biography on Lincoln. Great – a ringer. He will be fact checking everything I said.
A few highlights from The Gloom:
-#Cobains to Runstopper for slowing down his bearcrawl. At one point he just got tired of waiting on my slowness and just walked it out. Stop wasting my time, Q.
– Fallout was sporting a sharp, matching yellow-accented coordinated workout outfit sent by his agent in the mail. Lorax admired it. We all did.
– Prohibition shared with us that he carries most of his weight in his ankles. This is great for Power Merkins, bad for his partner. Cankles are the sign of a great leader.
-Mermaid also had a relaxing weekend of sitting by pool for 72 hours for 3 mins of action, so he was primed and ready to go.
– Magoo up front most of the morning and continues to be a stud.
– Point Break must have tapered for this morning’s workout. Strong performance. Won one of the sprints.
– Prohibition out to Anvil for first time in a while. Good to see you brother.
– Bonus points to Snowflake who knew how long a “score” was. 20 years.
– Snuka is timeless and I want to be like him when I grow up.
– Brilleaux is SBD. Silent but Deadly. But not in the flatulent sense. He is the silent killer. Like Radon or Carbon Monoxide.
– The Kettlebell Krew doing exercises near us has a very German techno-industrial vibe compared our own rag tag group of Patrot Citizens at Anvil. At the end of the workout it appeared we were denied a joint COT. Not to inflame the situation, but this has all the makings of an Area51 Civil War if we aren’t careful. Suggest back-channel diplomacy over beers at The Lodge. Building a Wall will be on the table and the Donut Run guys will pay for it.
Other fun Lincoln Facts:
Editor’s Note: The formatting on this version of WordPress blows. I tried four different browsers on two different devices and three different networks to get this thing to post. And I couldn’t get my usual graphics and bells and whistles and pyrotechnics to work. Defeating.
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