Four Score and Seven Burpees Ago…..
Launch Conditions: 55-ish degrees. Damp, but free from precipitation.
Pax: Snowflake, Prohibition, Fallout, Mr. Magoo, Snuka, Mermaid, Lorax, Brilleaux, Runstopper, Point Break, HIPAA
Mileage: 1.76 miles
Disclaimer: Given and legally accurate. Fun Fact: Abraham Lincoln practiced law without a degree. He only had 18 months of formal schooling.
Mosey over to some open parking lot space.
SSH x 20 (in cadence and fast-paced)
Low, Slow Good Mornings (LSGMs)
Low, Slow Squats
Saunter on over to the Ceremonial Inclined AstroTurf Semi-Circle.
Fun Fact: Lincoln is enshrined in the Wrestling Hall of Fame.
Partner 1 Bear Crawls all the way around the semi-circle. Partner 2 does Freddy Mercury.
Mosey to top of Tree Lined Avenue.
Gettysburg Address – 4 score and 7 years ago…. (87 years after the Declaration of Independence)
Each Pax does 20 Power Merkins (merkins with partner’s feet on your back). Flapjack.
Each pair (together) does a long lap all the way down the Tree Lined Avenue and back.
4 times total.
7 x Burpees at end.
On the Avenue of Trees:
Leg Jack Webb aka Suzanne Somers aka The Thighmaster
Do you know Jack Webb’s middle name? I don’t either, but he does have one. You know who doesn’t have a middle name? Abraham Lincoln.
1 x Lunge, 4 x Squats
2 x Lunge, 8 x Squats
up to 10 x Lunges, 40 x Squats
Mosey to hot box.
Fun Fact: Lincoln didn’t move to Illinois until he was 21. He grew up in Indiana. Which has nothing to do with this next exercise.
Coyote Ugly on picnic tables. 3 reps. Flapjack.
Fun Fact: You know who didn’t dip? Abraham Lincoln. He didn’t drink, smoke or chew, either.
Plank Jack x 10 → Sprint to next speed hump. Repeato.
Mosey on back to launch for some abbreviated Mary.
YHC serendipitously pulled up to the AO in a rental car with Illinois plates (the “Land of Lincoln”, which as we just learned is a total misnomer). After announcing the theme of the workout – Lincoln’s Birthday – Mermaid disclosed that he had just finished reading a biography on Lincoln. Great – a ringer. He will be fact checking everything I said.
A few highlights from The Gloom:
-#Cobains to Runstopper for slowing down his bearcrawl. At one point he just got tired of waiting on my slowness and just walked it out. Stop wasting my time, Q.
– Fallout was sporting a sharp, matching yellow-accented coordinated workout outfit sent by his agent in the mail. Lorax admired it. We all did.
– Prohibition shared with us that he carries most of his weight in his ankles. This is great for Power Merkins, bad for his partner. Cankles are the sign of a great leader.
-Mermaid also had a relaxing weekend of sitting by pool for 72 hours for 3 mins of action, so he was primed and ready to go.
– Magoo up front most of the morning and continues to be a stud.
– Point Break must have tapered for this morning’s workout. Strong performance. Won one of the sprints.
– Prohibition out to Anvil for first time in a while. Good to see you brother.
– Bonus points to Snowflake who knew how long a “score” was. 20 years.
– Snuka is timeless and I want to be like him when I grow up.
– Brilleaux is SBD. Silent but Deadly. But not in the flatulent sense. He is the silent killer. Like Radon or Carbon Monoxide.
– The Kettlebell Krew doing exercises near us has a very German techno-industrial vibe compared our own rag tag group of Patrot Citizens at Anvil. At the end of the workout it appeared we were denied a joint COT. Not to inflame the situation, but this has all the makings of an Area51 Civil War if we aren’t careful. Suggest back-channel diplomacy over beers at The Lodge. Building a Wall will be on the table and the Donut Run guys will pay for it.
Other fun Lincoln Facts:
Editor’s Note: The formatting on this version of WordPress blows. I tried four different browsers on two different devices and three different networks to get this thing to post. And I couldn’t get my usual graphics and bells and whistles and pyrotechnics to work. Defeating.
It starts somewhere down near Granite Falls and finishes at Howard’s Knob. Kodak is leading the Boone team. Donate here to support them: