Premature Q-Jackulation

Premature Q-Jackulation

7/9/19 7:10 PM
Rubbermaid: You want to Q commitment July 27
7/9/19 8:36 PM
Posse: Sure. I didn’t want to go to the Crane anyway.

Scouting & prepping for weeks to find something new for the Commitment Pax, I clutched my pearls when Run Flat rolls up in the literal 6:29 to say “I’m Q’ing today.”
“Dude”, I whispered, “I’ve already got some stuff out there…can you push to next week?”

RF disappointingly accepts, and I dispense the DiCCS in a more whimsical fashion than my previous monologue. Pax this time were hung up when I asked for a show of hands of who had BOTH the desire and certified knowledge to save a man’s life, even if it meant applying chest compressions and putting your mouth on another man’s mouth? To no one’s surprise, Damascus asked, “What if you have the desire but aren’t certified?”

The Warmup

Paula Abdul’s using the trees on the right.
2 trees up = 10 Carolina Dry Docks
1 tree back = 5 Diamond Merkins
I could tell most everyone was thinking this was going to be pretty easy. But by 6 trees in, the Diamonds were starting to cut.
J-Wow & Damascus crushed this pretty quick, so they already moved to the rock piles for our next event.

Pick a lifting rock. Most Pax are now skeptical when instructed to do this, so we did bench presses until everyone was in & on their back with a rock.
Walk 10 feet to see a drawing that looked like Sanscrit to most (because it took way to long to explain what to do).
The diagram had the rightmost building of the school displayed. To the right of the school are sidewalks that form a triangle. Rocks are going to be deposited at each corner. With 8 rock-wielding Pax, the fastest 3 will drop their rocks at the farthest corner; slowest 2 drop their rocks at the closest corner, etc.
Legalized, typically downplaying his fitness, is in the top 3 here! #GoodNewsBadNews
Regroup for SSH.

To keep the mystery in my madness, we don’t use the rocks just yet. Instead, we go to the hill for 7’s: Plank Jacks & Rosalita’s.
Where is there a hill? Next to the big set of steps connecting the school to the baseball fields. It is graded such that one side is at least twice the length of the other, so Pax can pick their position.
Because we started at the top of the hill, Pax believe it’s easy & fun (possibly). They didn’t realize that means they also make an additional climb to finish at the top.
Regroup back at the Boulder Triangle for Imperial Walkers.

25 bicep curls
25 tricep curls
25 thrusters
hot lap between each exercise – touch the yellow chain on the far side of the parking lot (1 route was longer for the gazelles)
When you finish all 3 corners, grab a rock & take it back to the pile. Fuse & I finish at our 3rd corner at the same time. I start to admonish him for taking the rock back from the corner that only has 2 rocks. He says, “But everyone else is done. They all have rocks, too.” I looked back to see it was true. Everyone had finished within seconds of each other, regardless of ability! Wow, I should really teach a class in keeping Pax together.

While we’re doing this, Mad Dog is doing his MASH with us (more on that later). I realize the next thing we’re about to do has some obstacles on it. During one of my hot laps, I ask him to head there ahead of us and take care of it for me. Ever the #ServantLeader, he does it. I still don’t know what happened to those obstacles, but I’ve learned to never ask a Marine how he makes his sausage.

Mosey behind the school, where there are 2 large & wide benches (formally topped with clothes). Pax follow me as we double leg hop over the benches.
We all know to not let Damascus be behind us during the workout. Unfortunately, Run Flat learned to not let Damasus be in front of him either. As we traverse down the benches, Damascus’ foot finds Run Flat’s face. Probably an honest accident, but part of me is haunted by Damascus’ question to put his desire into action today. Coffeteria would find a very bloodshot eye in the Flattest of all Runners.

Suicide Doors
15 American Hammers at door 1.
10 Bomb Jacks at the other doors around the building, in a suicide fashion.
Damascus leads Supermans while waiting for the 6.

Bears on the Ski Slopes
10 burpees just to get people spread out
Bear crawl up the ramp of each of 4 learning cottages
Rail walk down the ramp
Between each learning cottage, take a hot lap doing mogul jumps over a short playground balance beam.
Several questioned the safety of doing the rail walks. But I know the quality that goes into each UCPS railing & had full confidence in their steel.
Carb Load stepping up to lead LBC’s while waiting for the 6.

Swerkins (feet in a swing while doing merkins)
Partner by opposite ability
150 swerkins as a team; alternate with running to the rock
Partner transition included a handslap merkin that did NOT count for the 150. Twinkle Toes threatened me with partner carries if I didn’t recant the noncounts. #NoDice
My runs to the rock had me nostalgic for Saturdays to come.
I picked J-Wow as my partner, knowing I had a ringer. Then was surprised in my last trip that I had to finish the last 15 swerkins. He had a sly smile that had me thinking he went to 300 while waiting for me to return & just needed a run to clear the mind.

Mosey to the front of the school where we grapevined left & right to Mad Dog doing some dynamic stretches.

Continue mosey to the fields, where someone had placed cones the length of the soccer field in EXACT 10-yard increments. How could someone convert a soccer field to a football field with no measuring tools? Band.

Human Hurdles
Same partners. P1 runs to the 10-yard cone & planks. P2 jumps over P1 and goes on the next cone, where he planks. Repeat down the field.
This is one of my favorite things to do as a summer Q. Takes me back to when I was a latchkey kid and would stack pillows between 2 chairs and see how many I could jump over. For J-Wow, though, it must have been PTSD-ish, as he kept planking lower & lower every time I had to jump him.

Human Bridges
We gotta get back to the other side of the field. So this time you have to army crawl under your partner. Some Pax outright refused, choosing to bear crawl around their partner. Not accustomed to refusenik behavior. I’ll show you.

Tunnel of Love
Everyone plank up shoulder to shoulder facing the same direction. I begin the army crawl underneath each of the Pax, followed by everyone else. Fusebox was with me the last time I did this. And while he proclaims to be a non-touchy person, he made no attempt to army crawl under us. Choosing instead to do a simple crawl on all 4’s, resulting in his back collecting bodily fluids off the front of each one of us. I couldn’t even plank high enough for him as he carried me for a couple of feet until I slid off from excessive Pax lubricant. Me thinks he doth protest too much.

Bridge of Hate
Never done this one before, and it showed.
Everyone on their back, still in close quarters. Pax get carried down the line, ala crowd surfing / mosh pit surfing.
I go first to demonstrate. I lay on Run Flat, waiting for him to push me up & towards the crowd. All I hear are no’s. You people. I discovered the wrong kind of hate.

Fine, Jack Webbs. I’ll show you. Normally, I like the JW. This time, they called out the #AngryQ. I’m calling out the first 4 rounds with no one saying a thing. I have to remind them that unless they answer me, I can’t see them through my blind rage. They come around on round 5.
Just before the 10th round, I say “Halfway there…”. Twinkle Toes startles out of his own gloom for a moment. It’s fun to be taken too literal sometimes.

As we cross the street to the starting parking lot, Damascus marvels how we ended on the second of 60 minutes worked. Thanks. You don’t want to know what was next if we had any more time left.


Mad Dog is leading a MASH initiative in this region. If you are injured or recovering from an injury, it can be lonely staying at home, especially when you have sampled the insane fellowship F3 brings to men. Because we now have multiple workouts every weekday, most Pax can delay reaching out to someone they haven’t seen in a while, assuming they must have been in a different AO. The loneliness will cause you to spiral further down.
Instead, come on out with us. Walk the perimeter of the AO. Or walk to the stations the Q has set up. Do some stretches while others do exercises. Be the form police. I don’t care; just show! You need this as much as we need you there.
Reach out to the Pax you know are hurting, physically or mentally. MASH will not be nearly as effective when only 1 Pax is doing it. It takes a minimum of 2 men to do this.
You could even do this for the men who are so worried about their (lack of) fitness that they never post. Maybe a try it before you buy it?

I had a moleskine from my last Q to assess my 4 years in F3. It never got published because it was taking too long to complete it. With Commitment being my first ever posting, this is as good a time as any to reflect.

My 4-year story doesn’t print so cleanly as others.

  • Down 40 pounds the first year; now up 30 (& it ain’t muscle).
  • Definitely slower mile times than 1 or 2 years ago.
  • No significant gains in strength as shown by pull-ups, merkin varieties, etc.
  • Spartan Trifecta & 2 Sprint Triathlons in Y1-Y2 that I wouldn’t consider repeating right now.
  • While I love picking up the 6, I notice the 6 have moved on up. For almost all of you, we’ve spent time in the back together; now all I see is your back. And I couldn’t be more proud jealous frustrated with myself.

Maybe for some of you, a switch flips, and you’re off to the races. You’ve beaten the Sad Clown. Congrats!

Maybe you’re more like me, where you fight a gaggle of clowns each day. Different outfits. Different voices. Different lies. Struggling more than necessary.

The most prevalent lies lately have been “You have no value; you serve no purpose; you’re just taking up space.”

However, a couple of events have helped me just about wipe the makeup off this clown.

I was asked to be one of four WUC Pax to investigate forming our own region. I was honored, but the clown said, “Look at those other 3 guys; you don’t belong there! You just have longevity, not leadership!” But when the clown wasn’t looking, I said yes.
Meeting after meeting, I would contribute a little more. At one point, as they were describing the role of a Weasel Shaker, Mad Dog says, “Oh, that’s Posse.” I gave him my classic WTF look, but others were looking and nodding. I couldn’t see in myself what was obvious to others. #BlindSpot
But I will believe more about what others think about me than what I think about myself. By being around so many HIM, the clown is getting worn down. That voice is getting quieter. Clown’s got a case of laryngitis, and it may be terminal.

The other thing happened a couple weeks ago. I resigned from my job to go to a different company. On my next to last day of the old job, I sent an email to my team, describing what a few of them did for me on my birthday in San Francisco last month, and the impact it had on me. In opening up and showing that vulnerability, an overwhelming and completely unexpected wave of appreciation came back to me from them. I was told how valuable I was. How I was going to be missed.
On the last day, a different group of people came by, but with a similar theme – I had made the difference in their success at the company. The way I helped. The way I cared. I was valuable to them.
I floated out of there feeling such massive gratitude. This bubble of joy separated me from that clown. At least far enough to stare back and see the lies. I have a hand around the clown’s throat for once, and the squeeze feels pretty good.

The common thread is that I was in an environment that freed me to accomplish the mission with the full measure of my abilities and personality. Instead of thinking my true self needed to be hidden, my true self allowed me to be of most service.

I also realized if I had been more open about my struggles to others, I would be much further down the path of being more impactful. I opened up a little to a few who had shown their vulnerability to me (hmm…interesting concept). Each time it helped, and I am grateful for those conversations. But I held back because I didn’t think you could handle the dark goo that swirls inside me. And the last thing I wanted to hear were platitudes like “It’ll get better.” Instead, I was met each time by, “Yeah, I have that goo, too.” Or, “Here’s what I do when that happens to me.”

But even with these regressions in physical fitness, I was still accelerating in leadership, even if I didn’t see it at the time. I just chose not to focus on the positive. Or, I’d listen to the clown explain the positive was the anomaly and the negative is who I really am. If you’re going through the same thing, I’d encourage you to flip that around as well. No good ever came from a clown.


  • Prayers for High Hat on the passing of his MIL
  • Mad Dog is passing Site Q duties over to Run Flat. Oh, today was gonna be your coming out party, huh RF? Instead, you get initiated with the traditional Site Q face-kick welcome? #GoodNewsBadNews
  • Fuse Box did a great job of F3 Dads after this workout. Several Double Dippers from Commitment showed. Need Q’s to keep this thing going. Just like everything else in F3. See Gerber.
  • Union County F3 shirts are on sale now. Here is the link.
  • August 1Q challenge. There are 47 workouts in our region for the month of August. We have enough Pax to have everyone Q only once during the month. #DeadwoodHandcuffs The Site Q’s are coordinating to ensure no double-dipping. Your name is on a list; I’ve seen it. You can either choose a time and location or get chosen. There are still 34 openings, in case you were hoping someone else would fill the void for you. The Site Q’s will also help you get prepped (that’s their job).
  • 3rd F opportunity for you, 2.0’s & M’s – Saturday, August 3 0800 – 1100 at Waxhaw Elementary School. Officer Vic (#HIM, even if he isn’t in F3 yet) has gotten Lowe’s to donate all the mulch, flowers, etc. to spruce up the outside of WXES before school starts. Just need manual labor. My M works here, while my kids went to Kensington & New Town. The level of parental / community involvement among the schools is analogous to being on the wrong side of the tracks. Except it’s literal as well. They have a new principal who needs the community to rally. Use this link to sign up. If you have power washing experience, you are desperately needed. Carb Load said that Waxhaw Baseball uses WXES fields, and maybe they could help. Now he’s Q’ing to get them involved. How I love F3. First comment = first volunteer.

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