The Taxidermy Vending Machine

The Taxidermy Vending Machine

11, including a FNG who was somehow smookered into a pre-workout run with Dollywood, gathered for an event that everyone has had on their calendars for quite a long time.

The ArboWIB.


Run from the worst AO in South Charlotte #Gummy to somewhere even worse, do a quick almost-planned workout, and run back. The workout consisted of 2 miles of weaving around like a snake doing escalating exercises while Smokey looked for his hat. It was fantastic.


This has been in the works for like, forever. Well, at least since yesterday. The workout component was mostly planned at 5:15Am while driving by the Arboretum. Anyway, I think it was a success. I got around 4 miles and a good sweat going, especially on the mile run back.

Before we started, Header and TR were discussing all things Jeep. TR installed some weaponized paint scrapers on the side of the Great Pumpkin, as well as an oil slick and smoke screen emitter #spyhunter. He was last seen driving up a ramp into the back of a moving van. Factually, I believe that the paint scrapers are some sort of aftermarket footpeg device that you are supposed to use to stick your leg out of the side of the moving vehicle so that giant bugs can fly up your underwear leg before it is amputated by another vehicle. Either option sounds a bit dangerous for my tastes.

Double E rolled in with his new Fire Engine giant truck with the mini-bed completely filled with ancient computer parts. He was in search of a giant pile of America Online CDs that he had buried at the Middle School back in 1999 and a paid license for Netscape Navigator.

The covert-ops construction going on at Petco forced a slight audible on the laps. It looked like they were installing some new Taxidermy Vending Machines near the entrance. In goes Fluffy, out comes Stuffy.

Smokey’s general practice of wearing a filthy cap for COP and then dropping it on the ground during the workout didn’t pay off this time (like it ever pays off). A dutiful ArboJanitor scooped it up and it was headed for either the dumpster or his collection before our quick-thinking brother bribed it back off of him with a lukewarm bottle of Night Train that he found in his glove box the bushes.

Welcome FNG “Ghost Town” who left as mysteriously as he arrived. For those unaware, Ghost Town In The Sky is somewhat of a counterpart to Dollywood as far as terrible theme parks go. However, it has been closed down since the early 2000s. Good memories.

I attempted to make a couple of Strava segments. Somehow, stinking JRR Tolkien automatically got 1st place on both of them even though he was not there. For some reason, I am not surprised. Gummy takes 2nd place of those who used Strava.

Thanks everyone for participating in this experiment.


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1 year ago

Horsehead, you are the master of the backblast, the rest of us are just amateurs. I have no idea what you did at the Arboretum, but I don’t care. I love the Spy Hunter reference and the fact that Tolkien has pre-run the segments you set up so that he is able to steal the crown without even posting.

1 year ago

So Voodoo’s not to be the only acknowledged BB troll for workouts at which he did not post. Here’s my 10 cents worth. And I read almost every Horsehead backblast.
Good to hear/read the midlife crises among the Area51 pax are alive and well as evidenced by the open-wheel/convertible Jeeps/Wranglers/etc as well as the oversized trucks. Our generation’s parry to the Boomers’ red sports cars.
As for Smokey’s hat, he owes a thank-you to the ArboJanitor for mixing it in with the trash as it undoubtedly improved that lid.
I’m hopeful the Area51 FNG nomenclature efforts will improve with TR’s re-entry to the pax.

1 year ago

Nice job Horsehead. That weaving thing through the parking lot was interesting for some sneaky mileage. Cottonmouth tripped over the lady in sidewalk but managed to make it back on a turned ankle. The mile to Arbo was at a brisk pace with TR stepping it up.

Chelms aka Tatertot
1 year ago

Only way Cane clocked in at 4:32 on the segment was if he was in a car (and Gummy was in the back seat – thus 1 second behind at 4:33).

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