Eliminate Unwanted Bra Fat

Eliminate Unwanted Bra Fat

Single digit attendance at Centurion this morning was quite a surprise this morning, especially when the weather was downright pleasant. The most likely cause was that pax were terrified of the savage beating YHC was prepared to lay down. Other possible explanations include early departures for a long weekend and/or Valentine’s Day celebrations spilling over into the morning. Unlikely, but possible. The six pax who decided to show up and put in some work on a Friday morning were treated to a disclaimer that was equal parts eloquent, efficient, and effective. The workout then began in the launch lot.

SSH, Mountain Climbers, Imperial Walkers, and Plank Jacks, all called in perfect cadence and performed with questionable form by the Q. We then departed for Carmel Commons at a civilized pace.

Once arriving in front of Amelie’s it was explained that we would be running an ABC pattern focusing on two foundational exercises, the squat and the merkin. ABC in this case stands for Amelie’s, BB&T, and Cabo’s. Start with ten reps of each exercise, run to the next stop and do nine reps, run to the next stop and do eight, and so on and so forth. Since YHC runs with the swiftness of an elderly, handicapped sloth, only bits and pieces of the mumblechatter were heard. Scabby and Mermaid were overheard discussing literature which is a testament to the caliber of man who regularly posts at Centurion. Also overheard, a massive fart that sounded like the celebratory discharge of an AK-47 during a wedding in a third world country.

After finishing, we ran across 51 to the other shopping center which most likely has a name containing the word Carmel and some combination of Shoppes, Promenade, Pavilion, or whatever else is popular with real estate developers. Here we did another round of squats and merkins in the ABC pattern, consisting of Audibel Hearing Center, Bonefish Grill, and CoolSculpt Spa. Since the runs between stations were shorter at this plaza, we upped the reps to begin with fifteen and working down to one, as well as mixing in wide arm and diamond merkins. In the parking lot someone noticed a car with a F3 sticker, which was determined to belong to Turkey Leg. There was ensuing debate over whether our comrade was exercising at 9Round or Be Yoga, then due to hearing his name spoken aloud, he appeared out of the darkness much like Beetlejuice. It turns out he was just out for a long run.

After finishing up the set, YHC checked the trusty Garmin and discovered that we needed to make for the launch lot immediately. Once arriving back YHC explained that we had been scheduled to head to Charlotte Aquatics to do sprints, monkey humpers, and lunge walks, but alas, there would be no time. Check that, there is always time for monkey humpers, so we knocked out twenty. We were about to start a bit of Mary to wrap things up with when a pickup truck came into the lot, causing us pause. It was the long lost Hairball, who had decided to join us for a few minutes. We wrapped with a handful of core exercises and some planks.

Now for a bit of explanation regarding the title of this backblast. The original title was going to be “The ABCs of S&M” as a reference to the ABC structure of the workout and the Squats (S) and Merkins (M). While a pretty good title (admit it, you would have clicked) YHC was slightly concerned with the type of traffic it might bring to our wholesome cybergloom. Thankfully Scabby took the time to read the promotional words on the glass door at CoolSculpt Spa during the festivities. The vague and legally dubious claims included slimming the thighs, firming the skin through Botox, and ridding oneself of unwanted bra fat. The lead group of Scabby, Mermaind, Brilleaux, and Snuka ran off discussing the aforementioned bra fat. A far cry from the literary discussion that had taken place earlier. Perhaps F3’s marketing department needs to start using CoolScupt Spa for inspiration? Also covered this morning was the topic of the Jack in the Box at Carmel Commons, and how none of us could recall ever seeing more than a single car in the parking lot. We wondered how it survived as a going concern. We can only surmise that it is sustained via the overnight hours from inebriated revelers in suburban South Charlotte. Announcements: Joe Davis run 3/6/19. If you are reading this you should be registered by now. Speed for Need will be at the Dash for Down’s Syndrome 3/23/19 at Blakeney, reach out to Scabby if you’d like to push. Enjoy the long weekend.