Gear Workout…We Don’t Need No Stinkin’ Gear

Gear Workout…We Don’t Need No Stinkin’ Gear

15 PAX joined me to help take my V-card and boy was it  better than I ever dreamed of expected. The weather wasn’t optimal for this special day but I focused on what everyone wanted, to focus on my personal problem areas. I kindly warned my followers that I would almost exclusively be focusing on my chaffing thighs and the fatty areas around my torso love handles. I also let the position of leading go to my head and threw in exercises I knew a few men would be uncomfortable doing but real happy to use these moves as fuel to the GroupMe conversations. Like moths to a flame…

We moseyed over to a parking lot behind 5 Stones Church that I didn’t know existed. Q Juice was coursing through my veins by this point and I attempted to deliver the disclaimer while already out of breathe…

20 x SSHs IC, 20 x Potato Pickers IC, 20 x Hill Climbers IC, 20 x Peter Parkers IC and 20 x Parker Peters IC


Having no idea how many guys would come out to support me, planning a gear workout was a little difficult. I called the audible and ignored all of the Site Q’s wishes.. the gear would be our physical bodies….??

Mosey to Entryway and back to the first light, Partner Up and grab a lifting rock, Lunges with rock overhead to Next Light and pass rock to partner, same Lunges to Next Light and place rocks down, run backwards to the 3rd Light and switch to Backwards lunges to the 4th light, Mosey back to rocks, Lunges again to the 2nd light with partner, switch rocks with partner and continue to lunge to the 1st light and return rocks. The quads are a burning by this point…

Then came the real highlight of the day. Mosey around Chiseled Mountain and circle up. I didn’t say it but looking back I wish I said, “lets get wet, Jane Fonda style!” At this point it was time to forget about our legs and focus on our Core. 30 Second Plank on elbows, 30 second side plank  and while we are on our sides how about 30 x side kicks CC. Its at this point the giggling started and references to aerobics began. The mumble chatter quieted down after we got past 20 as that 1980s burn started. Switch sides, 30 second side plank, 30 x side kicks civilian count and giggling continues. Most of our moms would be proud and some would be embarrassed. Next, lets lay on the ground and it time for 30 x Heals to Heaven IC, 5 second break and we moved onto Protractor, with a twist. Each PAX yelled out a degree, we held it for 3 seconds, then the next PAX yelled out a degree until we made it “around the horn”. Lots of groaning as some of the (Rs) forgot how the game worked. I won’t name names (it was Rubbermaid). Short break, followed by 30 x Alternate Heel Touchers IC (or whatever they are called). Next I tested the good ol’ parenting question of “if your friends jumped off of a bridge, would you?” OH BOY DID THEY!! 30 x Pelvic Thrusts CC while Deadwood just stopped like a dear in headlights watching his fellow bros crush it into the sky. Again, some laughter and by the time we pass 20 count the burn hits the buns and everyone begins to think “could it be…. aerobics is like a legit, real workout?!!?” Everyone is as soggy can be by this point and its time for the last round of 30 second side plank with 20 x LBCs IC in between switching sides. Everyone gets up to see their moisture wicking clothes have now absorbed the puddles they were laying in….

Mosey to steps, Split into three groups, Station 1: 20 x deep slow squats, Station 2: 10 calf raises per step, Station 3: 20 x jump squats, Mosey around island, complete this twice.

Mosey over by the loading dock to the first light to prepare everyone to become the best backup dancers in history. I start by confusing the PAX with the wrong exercise at first but regain my breathe composure and on the 2nd try I nailed it. 10 x Imperial Walker 1st Light, 10 x Paula Abduls 2nd Light and 20 x Speed Skaters 3rd Light. Moneyball would have been proud. Repeat at the next 3 lights.

Partner Up, One partner takes a lap around Mount Chiseled while other partner holds a deep plunging Al Gore, switch and repeat. Time has now expired back to start for COT.


I couldn’t have been prouder to lead you group of fine men this morning. Since joining 18 weeks ago I was feeling apprehensive about eventually being pressured asked to host. And leading up to this morning I was pretty nervous, which is a funny feeling at age 37. I think it says a lot about how much respect I have for most all of you showing up and each giving your all. My experience so far at F3 has been humbling and has pushed me out of my comfort zones not only at workouts but in my personal life. I’m being sappy but I wanted to share.

All that said, I look forward to Qing again and attempting to destroy very specific parts of my problem areas, whether you like it or not .

Thank you Recalculating for taking us out!


  • Bone Fro….NOPE
  • Levine’s Children’s Hospital 5k this weekend, contact Fuse Box or myself if you want to join
  • Dancing Bear is collecting bathroom supplies from your hotel stays
  • Hollywood is on Q @ The Floater and Tuck is on Q @ Pursuit tomorrow

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