Did you see the size of my weinke?

Did you see the size of my weinke?

[Written by Cooter]

26 men gathered at the church for my VQ to be split with Gummy. As the Pax arrived from all directions it started getting real and I began to worry that Gummy wouldn’t show. Alas, he arrived exactly 4 minutes prior to launch with no shoes on – that was cool. As the tension mounted I remembered that Gummy had adequately prepared me for my VQ. He inspected my Weinke not 1 but 2 times and provided multiple rounds of commentary. With that in mind and my Weinke in my hand, the clock struck 7:00 and it was time to start the show. Disclaimers were disclaimed and off we went.

Warmup started as smooth as sandpaper as I totally forgot how to cadence count. It turns out Gummy was right as he tried to warn me that my stage fright would get the better of me. We managed to get this done:

SSH X 15 IC
IW X 15 IC [Editor’s note: He had to pull out his laminated weinke after the IWs]
Merkin X 15 IC
MC X 15 IC

Moseyed over to the rock pile and everyone grabbed a good lifting rock. Watch out for snakes. With rocks in hand we lifted as follows:

Curls X 10
Overhead presses X 10
Tricep extensions X 10
Repeat with 8, 6, 4, and 2

Dropped our rocks like a bad habit and headed over to the hotbox for some more fun:

Partner up and P1 runs to home plate and back while P2 finds a picnic table for 20 step ups (10 each leg) and 20 dips. Switch and repeat. We planked up until everyone was in.

Then we moseyed to the ball field where we lined up “abreast” at the 3^rd trash can. Sprint to last trash can, 10 count, and sprint back. We did this 4 more times. This was a crowd pleaser. [Editor’s note: that is sarcasm]

By now we’d worked up a good lather so it was time to get on our 6 for some Mary. Some Pax were not so happy to sit in the grass. We started hearing things like, “watch out for the ants”, and “can we do this in the parking lot instead”, and something about someone’s coccyx…however, the Pax persevered and we did:

Flutter X 15 IC
Dolly X 15 IC
LBC X 15 IC

We then moseyed “over yonder” to the grassy knoll for Jacob’s Ladder:

6 squats at top of hill and 1 burpee at bottom. Repeat until 1 squat at top and 6 burpees at bottom. Ouch.

This brought us to the half way point but I was having such a good time that Gummy gave me permission to continue, so we continued:

Over to the parking lot to find a partner. Demo was given showing how P1 was to plank while P2 did 10 Derkins using P1’s back. Then switch. You had to be there. Then we ran to the light pole where we did the same thing but this time old school sit ups were the exercise of choice. One more round of that and we planked and/or fluttered until Gummy took the keys.

[Begin Gummy-authored section]

We ran through the hotbox for a drink of water, then handed it off to Taffy (my 2.0) for a surprise guest Q. He led us over to the dreaded North Face for a Bermuda Triangle. 10 jump squats at the bottom, 10 each leg (excessive) Sister Mary Catherines at the top, 10 Monkey Humpers before going down the hill. Punk teenager.

I led us in a little recovery Mary, then over to the front rockpile for a poorly explained Catch Me If You Can. Even Taffy gave me crap on the way around. Whatever. We got it done, then headed back to the cars.

[End Gummy’s section]

Announcements:

FNG – welcome Stevie Wonder! Welcome to the fold. He’s Norseman’s son and went to the Citadel and recently left the Army as a Captain after 5 years. Thank you for your service! Keep coming back.

Gummy told us about a Brewery Run on 8/18 starting at noon at Sugar Creek. 6 breweries in 4 miles. Check out the slack channel for more information.

Runstopper reminded us about coffeeteria right after the workout at Starbucks down the street, then he also took us out in prayer.

Thank you for making my VQ so memorable! I did not expect 26 PAX. It was my honor to lead you men for the first 35 minutes. Thanks for all the prep, Gummy.