Down in Hazzard County

Down in Hazzard County

Once upon a time, there was this very smart Greek fella that said that the shortest distance between two points is a straight line. Well, I can tell ya right now that that fella had never been to Hazzard County. 

– Waylon Jennings – Dukes Of Hazzard, 10 Million Dollar Sheriff

A half-dozen showed up this morning to celebrate the 5 year mark of Outland, the OG Union County workout.  We told tales of yore and re-enacted some famous scenes from battles past.  Some of us even exercised a little.

Thang:

Warmup at the original shovel flag hill, which despite several attempts was unable to be obtained.  We made do.

Mosey to the High School track to discover a new mini-sized fence has been installed on top of the mini-sized  wall, blocking entrance in the traditional fashion.   We’ll take the long way, a theme which persevered throughout the morn.

Traveling circus around the High School with some oak tree merkins and other assorted things as we made our way to the track for several circuits of 4Cornerz.  Nice railslide option along the way.  Pax had the option to choose burpees or something easier for the last set, and made the hard call.

Move to the field house for some air presses and BTW.  Headrush.  Option for bathtub exercises using the mysterious tub was not taken.

Ark Loader on the practice field – bears, crabs, wheelbarrows, and some lounging.  Punch the new tackling dummy on the sled in the face and run back.  Disturbingly therapeutic.

Meander over to Middle School for circuit of railslide, derkins, step ups, and LBCs while we ran a stair loop.  Run this until 7:57 or so.

Option for a short run or long run back to the cars – both AYG.  All pax took the long route.

Mary finisher at the cars.  3.something miles and a smoked out Q.

Skin:

Outland was my first F3 workout. I started just after the site had opened up, which was right at 5 years ago.  After this amount of elite training, you too can look and perform like me.  I recommend tempering the training with repeated injury and the diet of a 12 year old middle schooler to avoid public shock and awe.

We tried to relive some of the glory days, including the railslides and BTW sequence.  The old rails have been fenced off; namely the one that was just too wide for Hairband to stretch across, not too wide for him to try, and perfectly wide enough for us to hang out and mock.  Since we’re talking about Hairband, he had another appointment and was not present.  Perhaps he was riding around on Madison’s bike carrier, who elected to go and hold up Charlotte traffic this morning instead of rolling the dice on this workout.

We tried to keep things moving this morning, and covered quite a bit of ground.  TClaps to everyone for hanging on.   Double TClaps for choosing the hard options when presented.

Some of the other fond (and not-so fond) Outland memories that come to mind include:

• Zip and his thunderous counting
• SheHateMe
• DonkeySwings
• The disintegrating Obstacle Course, which we nearly went on today
• The “Mud Run Training” held in 2″ of ice slush and goose droppings – worst workout I have ever attended
• Udder’s family reunions – Graffiti, Hardwood, and Electric Slide
• Cheese Weavers
• Countertop’s Pepper Pods – 40 year old men diving face-first in a field for no apparent reason
• Country Music Saturdays
• The Scalded Monkey
• Snow Sleds in grass
• EE’s bearded knee socks  and The Late Show’s beard with knee socks.
• The Hairband Mile
• Smokey’s disgusting hat
• Joker covering his entire body in Ben Gay before working out
• Endless Hairbuners down Drivers Ed Lane with several casualties
• Shepherds optimistic counting
• The Bassackwards 5K
• Glass Joe’s voice change during COP
• Glass Joe and the battle for his Keurig coffee maker
• Launching AnsonCo together with a disregard for hurricane conditions in a Walmart parking log
• Donkey Kong finds a necktie and wears it for the workout
• Sausage Saturday and Runstoppers pet goat
• Hops guest Q with the Snowman showing up wearing a Giant Snowman Head at the perfect time.

It’s time to consider the next wave of men who will run this site and continue the legacy.  Bo and Luke must decrease while Vance and Coy must increase.  Just don’t let Daisy leave Enos at the altar like she did in the 1997 reunion.

Until next time,

– HH