Operation Sweet Tooth Virtual Race Recap
Had to start the disclaimer at 6:28 because I had a lot to say and didn’t want to have it cut into the solid run time. When I got to the legal portion of the disclaimer, they seemed confused when I used the juris jargon of douchbagery and ass-clownery. I can tell because they kept bringing it up throughout the workout. Mostly used in the wrong context and naming me as the object and/or propagator of such terms.
Warm Up & The Thang
| Run to | While Waiting for the 6 to Arrive | Exercise | While Waiting for the 6 to Finish | Comments |
| Bus parking lot | ———— | High Knees Butt Kickers |
———– | Once I said Butt Kickers, some immediately asked for A Skips & B Skips. Sorry, you only find those Prancing Unicorn warm ups at places like Pursuit. |
| Student parking lot | ———— | Karaoke L / R Side Straddles L / R |
Peter Parker | Gave Pax 3 options to get from student parking lot to behind the school, based on total distance. This seemed like a good way to keep the Pax together; different Pax with different speeds take different paths to get to the same spot in relative synchrony. I took the shortest route. Suggested Bottlecap and his kind take the longest option. This took way longer than I thought for the long way group. For a minute, it felt like they started Coffeeteria early. |
| Blue handrails | Supines | Loop with squats x5 | Parallel Supines | 1 squat at 3 of the corners in each loop. One corner was a spot 50 feet from where we work all around, but never saw any work done there before. #UndiscoveredCountry #Deflowered |
| ———— | ———— | Lunge walk across bridge Backwards run uphill to flags |
Air presses against concession stand | Recalculating can run faster backwards than forwards. There’s a joke in there, but I’m too bemused to come up with one. |
| Center of practice field | Starfish Burpee | Side Straddle Hops |
Moneyball screams as we head toward the field. We get there as a group, so no plank jacks. Don’t know what to make of that. So I push the plank jacks for fast finishers. Bottlecap plants the refusnik shovel flag by doing Side Straddle Hops instead. |
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| Trail run to Elementary School gate | Drop it like its hot (fence squat) | SSH Suicides | LBC’s |
Something must have happened to the Pax at the Floater on Thursday. They have that look in their eye that IED’s have been implanted into their shoulders. One shoulder heavy exercise, and it’s over. Who could have done such a thing? Glad I never go there.
But their anti-shoulder choice feels more like an inFRACKtion has spread within the Pax. I felt like I was on the wrong side of history as early finishers chose to have a crunch in, or LBC-in. The silent protest was deeply moving. |
| Bus parking lot | ———— | Bus-i-cides | Stand & Stare “Pass on Grass!” |
Rockwell’s Clock Merkins would have been perfect here. Another refusal. Now Moneyball is invoking his credo – Pass on Grass. Saying it loud & defiantly. It emboldens the others. My feelings are starting to get butthurt. I’m too tired to think of anything else. I’m so locked into this plan & I feel like I emptied the Exicon on this one. I suppose if they are staring, then maybe they are a scoonch tired, too? |
| Manhole cover | Dips | Bobby Hurley / Step Overs | Staying pretty tight as a group. Some are confused between a manhole cover and a drain. Damascus begins to tell us everything he’s learned about manholes, but we gotta get going. Starting to get a little behind schedule. | |
| Blue handicap spots | Rosalitas | 4 Corner Mountain Climbers | Amy Grants (J. Lo’s) | Mad Dog finds his second wind here, running way out front with authority to the next location! |
| ———— | ———— | Up Middle School road | Imperial Walkers EITHER: + at every light pole AND sign + at every light pole OR sign + at end |
Monkey Humpers | By ignoring Moneyball’s request for A / B skips earlier, he retaliates with Imperial Walkers plus kick-ball-change. There may have been jazz hands, but the sun was in my eyes (or his bedazzled toboggan was catching the rays just right).
Pax are now frolicing with their Monkey Humpers, keeping it all nice & adolescent, until someone mentions Human Centipede Monkey Humpers. Ew. That got dark real quick. We’ve been out here too long. These boys aren’t used to being so far from the high school. Let’s get them back home. |
| Gate | Dying Cockroach | 5 Tree suicide | Open / Close gates | This was the first time I remember having the open & closed gates as an exercise. Most guys do it warming up, so I thought it wouldn’t be that big a deal. But judging by most Pax’s execution of said exercises, you would have thought I gave each one a bottle of lotion and told them to go explore their bodies. I think they doth protest too much for Man Touch Mondays. | |
| Watchtower parking lot via trail run | Bearwalk | Crabwalk | Duckwalk to other end (any combo) |
Sprint to pedestrian crossing | Poor directions here led to the group getting spread out too much. We got to the light right at 7:30, but BC & MB had soccer games to catch & had to leave on the minute. For those who could stay, they emptied their tanks on the final lap. Especially impressed with how Fusebox had plenty to pass me on Turn 2. |
Moleskin Realizations
- When Olive first announced this race, I knew I wanted to go. An early morning 2.0 soccer game, however, made that impossible to accomplish both. When he allowed for virtual running, I thought it could be done as a workout. I can run 6 miles in an hour; wouldn’t running 5 be easier? No, as it turns out.
- Once I claimed the Q spot for this day, I really only expected 2, maybe 3 Pax. Speedsters would balk because maybe that didn’t seem like much of a workout. Clydesdales would refuse because it was farther than the typical 2-3 mile workouts we are used to. Wrong there as well.
- I had a different sense of motivation for this workout over any other. It seemed like an aggressive ask:
- 5 miles in an hour
- still keep it boot camp-y
- keep Speedsters & Clydesdales together
- allow for massive modifications
- avoid the track
- diversify the workout
- no time for 10 counts
And I could not modify. Strava is running on my arm. If I’m not taking the steps, it’s not counting.
- In chatting with Olive post race. I’m now realizing that by me not going on site, paradoxically more people got involved in the race. I’m still confused by that math.
- Normally I’m hanging with the 6 and talking to any FNG’s. This time, though, I was so focused on timing and mileage that I just didn’t have the bandwidth for that. What did warm my heart, though, was seeing others fall in beside our FNG, Spicoli, throughout the hour. While I’m sure there were more than Fusebox, Bottlecap, & Transporter, those were just the ones I remember seeing. Some days, when I get really full of myself, I think, “Would anyone else out here be with the 6 if I didn’t?” Today’s realization was a strong yes. Even more sobering, there was a bonus realization that maybe I should be working harder myself; move up to the middle of the pack, and let others go back for the 6. Maybe I’m taking away someone else’s opportunity to be that encouragement. I do have plenty of other things I can work on, like #WatchtowerQWhispering.
- I had several bullet points of half thought through emotional points. I kept coming back to them, but couldn’t get a complete message out of them. That’s what took so long. Finally, just had to scrap it. That just means I have to Q again to complete another novella.
Moleskin
Spicoli takes the prize for best FNG story. He first meets Transporter because Trans wants to rent Spic’s conversion van for the P200 race. Couple days later, they find each other at the same church. They’ve only known each other for about a month. Spicoli’s from Southern California. The Fast Times reference is completely lost on Transporter, having never even heard of the movie. Even StubHub looked over at him and said, “Seriously, dude?” Other nuances that let me know this was a perfect name – he arrives the day after 4/20; he’s almost the same age as Sean Penn.
Announcements
Lawson Vendor Fair is tomorrow, I mean, last week. It will bring out at least 3 FNG’s, I guarantee it. #MoreThanACraftFair
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