Minions

  • When:10/12/2017
  • QIC: Horsehead
  • The PAX: Bullwinkle, Entourage, Sensei, Slim Fast, Lois, Bonhoeffer, Tawny, Nomad, Houdini, Tweetsie, Winger, Shake & Bake, Benny, Smokey, Lumberjack, Woody, Snoopy, Kilowatt, Geraldo (audit), Dora (audit), Horsehead (QIC)


Minions

I’ve always wondered what it would be like to be an evil villain with minions, or perhaps just a few go-to henchmen.  Big ugly ones like Beastman and Trap Jaw who follow your every whim without (too much) questioning. Let’s find out.

21 at the Peak, if you count the two #walkerstalkers dressed in black – Geraldo and Dora.  We’ll take the numbers. They looked evil enough.

Follow me, minions . . .

Snake Mountain mosey weaving around the parking lot.  I just kept turning to see if the big train would keep following.  Evil henchman conga line – perfect.

Now we circle up for some cruel exercises.  Gather round my evil underlings.

SSH X 20
Squat X 20
Mountain Climber X 20
Fire Ants X 100 (minions followed until they figured out it was not an exercise)
Crawl around X 50
Peter Parker X 20
Leave the scene of the crime

Death Star-fish in the parking lot – burpee center with merkins, lbcs, mary catherine, & jump squats in the corners. Repeat until I release my command. That’s right, my evil powers cross the bounds of Filmation and LucasFilms.

Some jibber jabber from Slim Fast about the Mary Catherine technique. He had already tied one hostage to himself with a towel, so I backed away. Can’t risk a mutiny.

7s on the hill – situps and burpees. More talk of mutiny, but I held it together by threat of force lightening.

Partner up for (evil) Alabama Slamma – decending merkins. Slim again with the lip, but we threw him in the snake pit. Rumor is that he has already recruited a BRR team from within the other captives.

What’s left? Time to show your loyalty to the evil master. Suicides. One set until folks started to stagger, then a 2nd set to seal the deal. Flying monkey march (got that one too) back to the getaway vehicles. Somebody led some mary while I circled back to taunt the stragglers from my evil and strangely self-propelled flying chariot.

Other notes from Snake Mountain:

Two of my scariest and most evil henchman have taken it upon themselves to become less-scary skinny versions of themselves. Bullwinkle and Shake & Bake have lost nearly 100 lbs between the two of them. This is unacceptable – we need you back as fat evil villains. Don’t let it happen again.

Benny was named after a group of New Jersey people who are somehow more offensive than the rest of the New Jersey people. I like it, in an evil way.

Lumberjack kilt him a bar when he was only three.

Lois reminds me of the kid who had 100,000 baseball cards. We broke into his car and replaced them with Garbage Pail kids. Much more evil. Used some of them as stickers too.

We need to name somebody Ram Man. He was the best He Man character. Would have been even better if he were evil.

PSA:

If you watch one terrible sci-fi movie on Netflix, you pay for life. All of the “suggestions” keep coming in with more terrible choices, serving as a constant reminder of the transgression. It never stops. Just think about that before you click on anything with Sharks, Monsters, or Ian Ziering in it.

Announcements:

“Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.”

Hate,

Skeletor

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Mermaid
Admin
6 years ago

Introduced my kids to He-Man a few months ago. As I scrolled through the episodes, I realized that I have seen all of them. The character lesson at the end of each episode are awesome.

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