It Was All A Dream…

  • When:06/26/17
  • QIC: Thin Slice
  • The PAX: Powell, Hollins, Chin Music, Snowflake (R), Lee, Tweetsie, Chelms aka Tatertots (R), Anne & Hope, Federalist, Powell, Stinger, Blackjack, Alf, Geraldo, Turkey Leg, Spooky Jon, The Slice (QIC)


It Was All A Dream…

Ahh, Horsey Mc F*ck Face, the AO only a mother could love.  After selecting the perfect outfit for the occasion, at 5:15, on a downright chilly summer morning, I led the Pax out of the lot to see what the arse had in store this week.

Activities

  • To the bottom of Blue Ridge.  5 x Up with 10 merkins at the top each time.  Lee staking his territory up front right away.
  • Mary at the flagpole to collect the Pax.
  • Loop around Mountainview to Wilby back to where it meets Mountainview.  Plank to collect the Pax. Merkins IC x 7, Hold it, Diamonds IC x 7, Hold it, Wide-arms IC x 7
  • Out to Sardis via Wilby, on to Sardis Rd North, and then to the Alt Lurker (sponsored by Breitbart News Co.)
  • AYG or at least most of what ya got (MOWYG) up the alt lurker, recover pace onto Sardis N, quick right on Beverly, continue the recover pace around the bend, HIT IT on the downhill runway, back around to the bottom of the alt lurker.
  • Mary
  • Repeat
  • Mary
  • Repeat
  • Back to the top of Blue Ridge via Sardis and Wilby.
  • Mountainview loop one more time, back to flagpole.
  • Pledge
  • To the bottom of Blue Ridge.
  • AYG to top for 15 merkins and back to the house (so much grumble chatter on that call)

Nekkid Chatter

One day this past January at Sunday Se7en, just after I took a wrong turn and inadvertently joined F3 Running Club, Fish tells me he is reviving some weird shit down south that they call Horseface or something, but he will rename it Monday McF*uckity, and we will run many hills and be better people.  “Sure, sounds great” I say, “but I have a Q commitment on the first Monday so won’t be able to attend.  But it is a hill workout you say? Cool, I will find a hill by my AO and we will do some repeaters.” Fish says,”no, you don’t understand, you won’t be able to replicate this where you are”. “Okay”, I say. Inner dialogue, “what the f*ck is this guy talking about? A hill is a hill and you run up and down it a few times and call it a day.  To quote Floyd in between honey bear bong hits “Don’t condescend me man, I’ll fuckin kill ya, man”.

So off I go on my merry way until the following Monday when I finally arrive at that godforsaken place at the corner of Sardis and Old Bell (why so far off the grid?!).  It’s so cold and so dark and then Blue Ridge and Mountainview and Wilby and Alt Sardis appear out of the gloom and it is terrible.  A truly awful place,  Where did it even come from?  What glacial event do we owe this pleasure?  Did I go through a wormhole somewhere around Providence Day and end up in the Swannanoa Valley?  Days turned to weeks turned to months of showing up at this shitshow every Monday morning and ruining a perfectly good week.  It all culminated in Fish’s Famous 5k which we ran twice for good measure. I think Favrah finished both legs before I competed one.  But at least it’s over.  I run my race, I finish respectably, and I bury the awful memories.

Fast forward to earlier this month.  Chelms aka Tatertots (who is in the running, and the leader in the clubhouse if you ask me, for most bizarre F3 name.  Nothing even comes up when you Google Chelms.  And tatertots, while delicious, seem rather random as an alias.  I also want to call him T-tots but I don’t know if he would find it offensive.  While we’re on it, I think Chelms aka Tatertots was #refusenik on the last hill climb today.  That’s fair, I think the point was made that this is not a bootcamp so don’t treat it that way. I treated it that way.  I am a voracious reader of the comments sections and I saw where Horsehead himself said NO RULEZ EXCEPT FOR THE PLEDGE) sends out the bat signal that Horsey shall return for a 12 week run leading up to BRR.  So the whole thing wasn’t a fever dream.  This place exists, in real life, and this time I will see it in the light of day… in July… in Charlotte… in 85% humidity…for 12 weeks.  IN.  Like the Muthaship before it, the only way to conquer one’s fear is to wear that f*cker out.  That’s why, yesterday, when Fish gave the Sunday Se7en option to run to Horsey, do a 4 mile loop, and then run back, I said hell yeah I’m in.  That was after I realized he wasn’t kidding and that was really the plan.  I really thought he was kidding.  The only way to flatten out those hills is to take every available opportunity to get after it.

It’s as shitty as I remember.

The mumble chatter when you arrive at Horsey is so subdued.  Not sure if it’s because of the melding of different regions in one place, or 5:15 is 15 minutes earlier than 5:30 (fact check please), or if it’s so f*ckin dark in that parking lot that I can’t tell anyone apart from anyone else. I think the real reason is the anticipated shitiness of what the next hour will be. Strong efforts out there this morning.  As mentioned up top, the Russian took the lead early and never relinquished it. He will now report back to Putin that the Americans are the weaklings that they assumed us to be.  I meant to keep my eye on him during the pledge.  I bet he just mouths the words and doesn’t even say them.  My man Powell repped for the Sparta crew. I had the pleasure of meeting Powell’s wife and daughter at the farmer’s market on Saturday morning. Bet you didn’t know that YHC has hippie tendencies and buys illegal unpasteurized milk for his children on the blackmarket at said market. Anyhow, Powell told me that, along with some family, he is opening a brewery near the New Bern light rail station in the coming months.  Seems like a good idea.  The other 427 breweries in CLT are packed to the gills with those damn millennials on their cell phones.  I’m sure they can support one more.  Also, someone notify the party planner, I am sure Powell would love to offer up the venue for the Christmas party and provide a bunch of free drinks and food.  Turkey Leg was out at McFuckity in the winter.  Those were all facts right?!  It was snowing and uphill both ways every week right?  Vouch for me here bother! Tweetsie.  Goddamn, what a f*ckin inspiration this guy is.  Homey is deep six every week, but continues to put in the work like a stud.  I heard he may have had an intestinal episode this morning and that’s why he couldn’t join us at the Alt Lurker. But there he was, running the loop with Snowflake (RESPECTS, I’ll be damned if I am out here with you bozos in another 15 years.  Same goes for Chelms aka Tatertots who is ringleading like a champion. I should only be so lucky) when we returned.  Ready to rejoin the Pax and pledge it up.  Triple claps to you Tweetsie.  I am glad Federalist is on my team at BRR or else I would get beat by an old dude. Everybody keeps commenting on Blackjack being Slimjack, but I have only recently met him as thin, fast Blackjack, so pics or it didn’t happen. Chin Music was the first chaser all morning long keeping the pressure on Drago.  What a name!  From Wikipedia (so you know it’s true):

American street slang[edit]

In American slang, chin music is a term for idle talk. It dates back at least a century: “There’s too much chin music an’ too little fightin’ in this war, anyhow” is a quote from Stephen Crane’s 1895 novel The Red Badge of Courage. It can alternatively be used as a euphemism for punching someone in the jaw.

Baseball[edit]

In baseball slang, it means a pitch that is thrown near the batter’s face. The pitcher‘s intent may be to cause the batter to move “back” such that it is more difficult to hit a future outside pitch, to frighten the batter into a poorer batting approach, to intimidate opposing batters, or to actually hit the batter with the pitch. If the umpire suspects the pitcher of either of the latter two intentions, he may eject the pitcher immediately or warn both teams that any similar pitch will result in automatic ejection. The pitcher’s manager may also be ejected or warned if the umpire believes the manager ordered the beanball.

In the late 1800s, at baseball’s inception, the phrase “chin music” was used to describe razzing or heckling from the fans. It began being used as a synonym for a brushback pitch around World War II.

I assumed it was an inside pitch reference but it seems our Chin Music could be a guy that rambles on about nothing, knocked somebody the f *ck out, or delivered or received some inside heat?  Either way, I’m jealous, beats the hell out of Thin Slice.  Anne & Hope seems to have an uncanny ability to know where all Pax are at all times.  “Is the six in?” “No we have two more out there.”  He is also nominated for the bizarro name prize, even after the internet tells me that he may be named after a Rhode Island gift and garden store or a ship lost at sea off the coast of Rhode Island.  Did he go to Brown? I heard they have the naked parties there and don’t give out grades.  Tell me more.  Spooky Jon had to split before COT but it was great to see him.  Every time I see Spook I am reminded of one of my favorite F3 moments ever.  I was probably about 3 or 4 months into posting.  Saturday morning at the Worm (the Metro’s finest 6 am workout), and Spook had the Q.  We were working Tranquil off of Selwyn.  I believe the instruction was, “we are gonna run up and down this hill until time is up”.  Well after about 25 minutes of that suckiness, me and Spooky make the turn at the bottom and he announces this as the last trip up.  And so I look at him and he looks at me and there’s really not much to say, there’s two of us here, one hill, and one of us is gonna get to the top of it first.  We busted ass up that hill as hard as we could.  I think Spook edged me out, but when we got to the top, as Spook tried to call the next exercise, all he could get out, in the most dignified tone he could muster, as if he were addressing the bench, “THE Q NEEDS A MOMENT”…. f*ck yeah, I made that guy have to take a moment.  Maybe this awfulness is paying off and someday I won’t be the six.  I couldn’t tell if Hollins was pulling my leg at the Caffeine run announcements when he said he would be at Horsey after my shameless plug.  But to be fair, Fish plugged Diamondhead first and pre-blasted so I had to do something.  Thanks for the support Hollins #paaxsupportingpaxtheyhardlyevenknow. Or you just like Horsey regardless of the Q.  Either way works. When filling out the list of Pax I remembered everyone without even having to go to the recording device.  So proud of my memory, which used to be razor sharp before these kids, and when I still smoked cigs, but now is like mush.  Maybe I should check the device just in case.  ALF! Fudge, the one guy who introduced himself before the workout and I forget him.  Is there a more 80’s thing than ALF.  They made 102 episodes of that show.  Again, we go to Wikipedia for all truth in the world to find out that little people labor starts to add up:

While a puppet was usually used for ALF, there were some shots of the tiny alien running or walking around. This was accomplished by the 2′ 9″ (84 cm) actor Michu Meszaroswearing an ALF costume. This can be seen in one of the series’ intros, which concludes with the Tanner family getting their picture taken; ALF (played by Meszaros) walks over to be part of the photo. However, Meszaros’ services became too costly as well as time-consuming, and the full ALF costume was abandoned after the first season.

Let that be a lesson to you if you planned on midget wrestling at your next holiday party.  Looked to Stinger for the takeout, because Stinger is one of the guys who I will always look to for the takeout.  It’s Double Nickels at Sparta, it’s Little Baby Jesus when he is available, just because I like saying Little Baby Jesus whenever I can, reminds me of the Talladega Nights scene.  Stinger had some wise words last week in his Sharktank bbast.  From the Tclaps, looks like most of you have seen it already.  Reminds me of a Calligraphy print piece we have hanging in our home by the Vietnamese Buddhist monk Thích Nhất Hạnh, Love is being fully present. Try that on for size after a long day’s work when your kids are trying to tell you about their day.

Announcements

Metro July 4th Convergence at 6 am at Freedom Park gravel lot followed by the American 4 Miler where Speed for Need makes its first official debut.

Church on the street, Sunday mornings, early, feeding folks that need it. Chelms has the details.

Prohibition makes his 2017 Horsey debut as Q next week.

Enough of this.  Thanks for hosting fellas, this workout is the worst.  See you in a couple of weeks when I get back from vacay..

Thin Slice

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Chelms aka Tatertot
6 years ago

Great BB TS – I have you at top of leaderboard in clubhouse for best 2017 Horsey BB but some strong competition is gunning for you next month.

Dredd gave me both names so that should explain things for you (I believe he also named A&H so no coincidence that we have 2 of the weirdest names). You can call my T-tots but you know that means any derivative of Thin Slice is fair game.

I did #refusnik the last Alt Lurker circuit because a) I didn’t want you guys to have to wait on me again and b) wanted to make sure I had time to make it to the flag by 6:08 (it is our only Rulz). I did do hill repeats on Wilby hill until you guys got back so it wasn’t like I was completely loafing (half assing maybe but not loafing). I come out to this AO to get stronger and I have a long way to go. 12 straight weeks should at least help be get out of the six.

Lee is as American as they come (glad he is on our side). Did he vote for Trump and that’s why you link him to Putin? #fakemedia

Lee
Lee
Reply to  Chelms aka Tatertot
6 years ago

Thanks for the citizenship confirm, Chelms/T-Tots. Thin Slice thinks I’m Russian because I’m Drago to his (Italian) Rocky, with a continuous loop of “I … will … break … you” and “If he dies, he dies” running through his head. #ThrowTheDAMNTowel

Don’t worry, Thin Slice. Your day will come…eventually…just not today, er, yesterday. Just more #firewood for your comeback. (We’re all good though — Team Medium.)

HorseyMcHorseFace delivers again. The SuburbanMutha™…oof.

Fishwrap
Fishwrap
6 years ago

Did anyone see my water bottle out there? I dropped it by the parking lot and failed to pick it up on the way out. It’s not biodegradable plastic and that’s a real concern for me, well that, and the fact that I’d like my water. It was 3 quarters full (12 oz bottle) and should be easy to identify. It’s a HT brand purified water so either it has a shitty and peeling label on it OR no label. HT should fire them. They suck at doing labels. So, you may be looking for a plain water bottle 3/4 full. If you saw it and drank it, that’s fine too, just forget you read this. If you saw it, picked it up, chose to keep it and refrigerate at your house, please bring with you to next Horsey. But, if you decide to drink it before then, that’s okay too, it’s not a big deal. I hate a fuckin’ litter bug and will be happy if it found the bottom of the wastebin there at the parking lot.

Nice Blast, Slice.

Prohibition
6 years ago

Good Lord that was a long BB. My thighs have two elbow shaped red marks on them and my legs are numb. My BB next week will just be a link back to this one. Hope to see you all then.

Spackler
Reply to  Prohibition
6 years ago

Nice Pro. Sometimes you gotta just lift each cheek and shake the leg. #TWSS

Can’t wait to show for this OR just F3 in general one day. One day.

Thin Slice
Thin Slice
Reply to  Prohibition
6 years ago

Re Lee: He knows what he did. It’s all spelled out in a Sparta BB from months ago and definitely has nothing to do with his political leanings, of which I am unaware and uninterested. But if I had to bet, money is on him Feeling the Bern if you know what I mean.
Re Length: as the old saying goes “Quantity over quality”. For a copy of the Cliff’s Notes you can mail a self addressed stamped envelope to:

The Slice Family Enterprises
Pizza Industries
Metro, 28203

Re Water: I’m on the case, will stop by the AO on my bike on the way home. It’s barely out of the way.

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