F3 SOB Dads: “Noone Leaves Until All The Kids Get Injured!”

F3 SOB Dads: “Noone Leaves Until All The Kids Get Injured!”

Summary

31 human beings,14 Dads & 17 2.0s showed up for an hour of shenanigans at YHC’s favorite workout in all of F3, F3 Dads.  Per Paper Jam, “Noone can leave, until all the dads have a turn at the activities, or all the kids got injured!”. Thankfully all the dads got to participate, and only about half the kids got minor injuries #booboo.  Here is our story:

The Thang & Moley

YHC is getting old and needed to fartsack posting at a morning workout to save enough energy for F3Dads #truth.  So fresh out of the gates, YHC, 2.0 Night Crawler (self-rename from Dragon Queen), and 2.0 Gypsy Danger led the group with a lap around the grassy area, some side straddle hop, pineapple pickers (Hawaiian inspired), Moroccan Night Clubs w/ Beat box (Q-Fail… hey YHC learned this from Longshanks at The Fort, no wonder they’re so fast!), and of course the daddy elevator (to everyone’s surprise, Bratwurst’s arms did NOT snap).

On to the baton relay races.  The group was divided into 3 teams, no 4 teams, no 5 teams…. something like that. C’mon Fallout, show up on time! BillyGoat got there late as well, but just stood looking like a creep in the shade.  Oh wait, he had his 2yr old daughter… not a creep.  Witty Bunker was quick to point out that the Panda was having trouble counting off… which is like impossible given innate genetic Asian supremacy. Once we got started, we raced to the end of the cones and back for the following exercises: 1) single leg hop down and back 2) bear crawl down and back 3) forward sprint down and back.  Everyone was a winner here, well, except for whoever Shrink Wrap and Bunker handed the batons to since they had tucked the baton in the butt of their schweatty shorts.  Didn’t see Escobar’s baton, but hoping it wasn’t keystered anywhere like some of the goods he’s known to have transported (this backblast is going down the drain… can you believe it’s an F3 Dads one? YHC can’t… carrying on).

Next, we rolled out the cargo net, more like a golf ball net, whatever… a net. The dads spread it out and held it about 2 feet off the ground for the kids to crawl under.  First the boys, raced bear crawling with Gypsy Danger, Messi, and Spidey getting top 3.  Then for the ladies, Peanut, Night Crawler, and Fearless were your top 3.  No injuries so far…. We turned the net the shorter direction and played sharks and minnows, with the dads trying to catch the kids before they could get to the other side.  Then after a few rounds, switched to having the kids see if they could prevent the dads from crawling to the other side, by pummeling the dads as they crawled under the net. Kids enjoyed ruthlessly tackling the dads and making human dog piles until all the dads got a turn to go through. Amazingly no 2.0s were crushed. Quick water break.

Next activity was something that YHC saw on Youtube of kids holding buckets over their head and trying to catch rubber chickens that were catapulted in the sky.  Well, YHC had no rubber chickens, so we opted for YHC’s 2.0s stuffed animals and laundry baskets. Both kids and dads took turns trying to catch the flying animals until both Tinkerbell and Animal took one to the face on a laundry basket collision both going for a golden retriever pop fly.  Dads Tagalong and Shrink Wrap were seen coaching not kids to call for the dog, like a left fielder and third baseman would in baseball. Gotta start them young.

Finally the group played tug of war wit hate heavy crossfire rope. First it was girls vs. boys, and the girls were too much for the boys to handle, even without Madame Goonie’s help. After two rounds of dragging the boys across the field, all the kids took one end to challenge the dads, 2 dads at a time.  The kids once again were too much of a challenge for most of the pairs of dads.  The exception was when the team of Jello and Stump Hugger towed all the kids to the ground and Carly, Paper Clip, and like 6 other kids were laying facedown, dirt in their eyes, and bloody noses from Jello/Stumpy’s ruthlessness. Being the HIM that he is, Paper Jam didn’t care and still wanted a turn at tug of war, so rather than end F3 Dads, PJ insisted” noone goes home until all the kids get injured, or all the dads get a turn.”  All the dads got a turn.

Nameorama, COT, named a few new FNGs, takeout by Tolkien. Boom, another successful F3 Dads.  Thanks for coming out everyone. YHC always has fun at F3 Dads.  What you men do to show your kids love, support, and just spend time with them matters. And for some of you, hey it’s 45min away from your M, plus travel time (just kidding….).  See you all next week.

Announcements…

• HDHH is at JRR Tolkien’s house this Wednesday… stop by anytime after 530pm. We’ll grill some food, BYOB (YHC doesn’t drink), and can play ping-pong (of course YHC has a table), darts, relax, or F3HOTTUBS. Msg me at @JRRTolkienF3 or hit me up on Slack if you’re coming.
• F3 Dads is on all Summer long and the next one is next week Saturday same time 9-945am at The Bull Ring in Ballantyne Corporate Park. Tell your friends, it’s a great way to EH guys who might be intimidated to do a men’s workout but would like to meet some of the F3 men.  Some dude named HoneyBee has the Q next week… thought he had finally buzzed off?
• SPEEDFORNEED, thanks for your support, 1st racing chair arrives this week!  If you are in town and can attend the 4th of July Inaugural Race, we would love your support as a runner, or spectator! There should be 30+ PAX running together with Nash and his 2.0 Owen and a ton of American Flags.  Check out the 7/4 SFN Inaugural Race: American 4 Miler Preblast!

SYITG ~ JRR Tolkien