Fortune Cookie Run – The Slowest Group Run EVER

  • When:4/12/17
  • QIC: JRR Tolkien (QIC)
  • The PAX: JRR Tolkien (QIC), Agony, Voodoo, Geraldo, Tuck, Bunker, Retread, Buckeye


Fortune Cookie Run – The Slowest Group Run EVER

After all the built up anticipation, media attention, and resale tickets… The Fortune Cookie Run is DEAD. 8 is not greater than 10.  Couple of guys (Chelms, Hairball, MAD) had YHC feeling like Manti Te’o until YHC was catfished and hoaxed into believing their attendance this morning was real.  Like the movie, ‘The Great White Hype’ the FC Run never had a chance. YHC doesn’t know what to do with the 60 left over fortune cookies sitting in my truck. Bushwood, you can have your silly fattening carb-loading workout back. (Epic Preblast Link: http://f3nation.com/2017/04/11/fortune-cookie-run-ma-fe-to-edition/  ) . 8 PAX showed up to race 3 grandmas trying to escape from the retirement community in their walkers, and couple of turtles moving to another pond. Like Jeremy Lin’s stint with the New York Knicks during ‘The Streak’, no-one  will ever believe this even happened. But it did….  here’s what we did:

Retread rolled up late, took his sweet time getting warmed up, and was the only one to take some sweets (glazed doughnuts) home after the run.  His MAF pace is sick at 8:26 min/mi at 139bpm!  Bunker nearly had heart attack from running too slow for the first ~2.5 miles (9:15 min/mi pace), sped up the rest of the run and still ended up averaging 8:04 min/mi over 6 miles at 140bpm. Tuck said he only slept 2hrs last night, doing something that he wouldn’t tell us (#4Kidsworkingon5?), so his MAF HR pace was elevated #viagra. Geraldo was the short course MAF champion today winning by 4.5mi over the next competitor. Your fortune cookie was well deserved.  Voodoo refused to run MAF, since he was supposedly working on his form and cadence.  What was interesting is we all could hear his sneakers scraping the pavement like sandpaper a half-mile up the road on Rea. Maybe he couldn’t hear it with his anti-social headphones blasting Mariah Carey’s Dreamlover.  Agony got there late for the Fortune Cookie Run, but early for the Donut run, and caught everyone but Bunker. He withheld his HR reading from the group, forcing us all to go to MapMyRun in order to see the results. That’s okay dude…. God knows what it is without having to check the website. Take that! Buckeye had the best fortune cookie message of us all, “Only a life for others is a life worthwhile.” Strong message… especially if you add “in bed” to the end of it, like you are supposed to for all fortune cookie messages #truth. As for Tolkien? My HR steadily rose as I became infuriated with how terrible my MAF pace is at 9:10min/mi at 146bpm.  It got even higher when YHC remembered The Panda Movie comes out April 21st! #ICan’tWin   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qz3wBvFXK48&feature=youtu.be

Thanks Geraldo for the takeout, and appreciate the gear fellas for the men at Charlotte Rescue Mission! Have a great Spring Break everyone.

ANNOUNCEMENTS

 

  • YHC collecting old workout gear / F3 workout shirts for the residents which are F3 PAX at the Charlotte Rescue Mission. If you can donate a used one in halfway decent condition, that would be MUCH appreciated by the residents who truly wear them with PRIDE! Chelms mentioned just bring them to Centurion next Friday, or message me on Slack Twitter for pickup.
  • SAVE THE DATE!!! BROlympics is on 4/22/17 6-8am… 10 events… test yourself against yourself and the Area51, Unionco, Indian Land, Fort and SOB PAX for awards in 10 events! http://f3nation.com/2017/03/03/f3-brolympics-sat-april-22/

SYITG ~JRR Tolkien 

About the author

JRR Tolkien author

Subscribe
Notify of
3 Comments
Oldest
Newest Most Voted
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Voodoo
6 years ago

Thanks for taking the helm, JRRT. My running form sucks, which is why I’m working on it!

JRR Tolkien
JRR Tolkien
Reply to  Voodoo
6 years ago

Pro Tip: start by creating at least 1mm of separation between the bottom of your shoes and the road.

Chelms aka Tatertot
6 years ago

Gout flare up is valid excuse for fart sacking. I have a doctors note.

3
0
Would love your thoughts, please comment.x
()
x