The chanting of “FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT… FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!” echoed throughout Section 111 of Bojangles Coliseum. Almost in perfect chorus, throngs of fans screamed at the top of their lungs with such vitriol for the opposing Cleveland Monsters player to get their teeth knocked out and sent to the hospital. Most would have expected the raucous to be coming from a belligerent Poptart, Udder, and Strawberry holding their 15th Bud Light beer cup stack. But on this day it was their young 2.0s screaming with such screeching treble in their voices for blood and injury from gladiators down in the coliseum ice rink. Video evidence later showed Strawberry dancing a hippie jig to the ‘Fight’ chant, which was being led by his ringleader 2.0 Chase #proudpapa, while Gumbo face palmed next to him and scurried to buy ear mufflers from the concession stands for his toddler 2.0s. The Checkers won 6-1, and 66 PAX, M’s and 2.0s left the arena filled with stadium junk food to go along with some great memories. This is the story of F3 Dads trip to the Charlotte Checkers Hockey Game.
The evening started off with Poptart casing the already shady Bojangles parking lot on Monroe Road sitting in his mini-van wearing his camo non-F3 shirt 2 hours before the game. He could have just gone inside and sat with Gumbo and his 2.0s, but he didn’t. Gumbo’s 2.0s already had their Checkers hats on and were ready to cheer #seasonedvets. Up roll Tolkien and Mr Brady with their band of five 2.0s (one borrowed from neighbor) ready for some greeeezy chicken and invite Poptart in from his minivan. Mr Brady followed instructions, and is wearing his black F3 shirt #GOOD which was tucked so deep into his hiked up jeans #BAD, that his beltline was covering the F3 chest logo. He would have made Steve Urkel look like his pants were sagging to the ground like MC Hammer had he been there! Escobar & 2.0 also showed up to Bojangles late, having to pick up a bag of white powder before the game, he was seen cutting the corner of the bag with a switchblade and tasting it first… hey, maybe he was bringing his own powdered sugar for the funnel cake he was going to take down at the game! A rogue Udder, and possibly his brother in-law Grafittti were going to Viva Chicken to eat healthy for the impossible clean-eating challenge, but after fat-shaming on Slack whoever was going to Bojangles, opted for another fried chicken joint, Chik-Fila-A , just to be anti-social. Thinking about it, Udder likely just wanted to hug the giant moo-cow dancing around the drive through at CFA and tug on it’s udders… his pregame routine. Big Papi tried to reroute the Pax to the Home and Garden Expo across the street, where he had spend several hours learning about trimming bushes #Bonsaiyousickos, making up some story about it taking 1.5hrs to get into the Checkers parking lot. It took about 3 minutes to get there dude.
The first Checkers score was early in the game on a slapshot from near the blue line on a set play. GOAL!!!! Not sure anyone cared… but it was a great shot right in front of us, and it got the energy flowing and brought out the cowbells, two of them which Tolkien’s 2.0s Gypsy Danger and Dragon Queen had brought. A few minutes later, Big Papi had stolen one of them, and like a big kid, was ringing the $%!* out of it on a second Checkers score while his kids were begging for them back #denied. Escobar would have seen the second goal, but he and Tolkien were taking a selfie which didn’t even turn out good. Grafitti would have seen the third goal, but he and Tolkien were distracted talking smack about Udder who spent nearly an entire period drawing a F3 Nation Sign out of a posterboard, and using every available black permanent marker to do it. It was a suhweet poster! So was Mr. Brady’s sign, which also sported a F3 Nation emblem, right next to the large words he wrote “PUCK ‘EM”. YHC’s son told me that he had spelled the word wrong… gulp. Think he was referring to “EM” being spelled “THEM” (that’s my story and I’m sticking to it). Supposedly the F3 Nation symbol and web address was flashed up on the jumbotron at one point, but everyone was too loopy to snap a picture of it and Tolkien missed seeing that too (buying concessions for 2.0s… smh).
Great to have Big Tuna come out, but at one point in the second quarter, the dude and his minnows looked like a fish out of water. He was seen with his school of 2.0s trolling the open rinkside seats as close to the ice as possible and wouldn’t be denied premier access, flopping from seat to seat next to all the fat cats in the lower bowl. If YHC remembers correctly, Geraldo, MT, Fallout, Wingman, Kirby, and Mermaid brought the M’s to the game, and we were happy to have them to chaperone… but it’s no coincidence that these men were also the best behaved of the night (more later). Witch Doctor didn’t say much about it, but he was mentally shaking his head sideways at all the nachos, cookies, and stadium food that everyone was taking down when his life’s purpose is to get everyone to eat clean and healthy! His 2.0s were seen happily eating a gluten-free cabbage and quinoa cookie, with some beet frosting that they snuck into the game. Speaking of bad food, welcome Honey Bee to the game! HB only shows up for running workouts, and wherever he can gorge himself of hotdogs. Dude had not one … not two … but THREE Bratwursts…. err, I mean hot dogs and should be renamed “Joey Chestnut” when he starts the next F3 AO at Coney Island called ‘Nathans’. HB left the earliest, immediately after the 2nd period, but not before eating the rest of Alf‘s 2.0s hot dog which had rolled under his seat. Speaking of Alf, he was dressed very dapper in his Ferragamo vest, which was actually a Van Hussein vest sold at JCPennys that he got at Goodwill. Whatever… he wasn’t wearing his F3 shirt. Neither was Poptart who was wearing some dirty looking camouflage rag from Cabela’s clearance rack. Neither was Wingman or Strawberry who wore Star Wars shirts as if the hockey game was some comicon event, and it wasn’t. Mermaid, Fallout, Tolkien, Geraldo, Witch Doctor, Kirby, Big Papi, Mr Brady (sort of) all followed instructions and wore the b@d@$$ black to rep F3 Nation.
Probably, the best part of the night happened when the game was nearly over with 6 minutes left to go. The Checkers game announcer who happens to be part of FIA aka “Puck” welcomed F3 Nation to the game over the intercom, and sent up two talented Check-Mates Cheerleaders to come dance with the kids in our section to the song ‘Jump Around’ by House of Pain while the kids were captured by the “Move-IT Cam” and put up on the jumbotron. All the kids couldn’t wait… and found their last bit of energy waving their signs and throwing down their best dance moves, even if it was past their bedtimes. While some unnamed PAX (rhymes with “Butter” and think NFL Quarterback Tom B____y ) made sure to capture every dance move by the Check-Mates… I mean 2.0s on their phones, the aforementioned Geraldo, MT, Fallout, Wingman, Kirby, and Mermaid didn’t see a thing as they were trying desperately to get on the kisscam with their M’s. Well done men. #nopeeking
In all seriousness, thanks again everyone for coming out to the Checkers Game. My kids and I had a blast and can’t wait for the next F3 Dads event. Stay tuned for that (camping?). We all have plenty of ideas for great events coming up, and if you have an idea share it! Make sure to joing the #F3Dads Slack channel to stay in the loop as well. Blessed to be surrounded with F3 men who are invested in their families lives that we can do LIFE together with.
Until Next Time, ~ JRR Tolkien
11 pax posted for their weekly stretching & mobility work and were served a meatloaf of various broga flows with a side of a countdown of the 66 Best Songs from Movies & TV. (Meatloaf, by the way, was not in the countdown.)
Disclaimer – I’m not a professional. Don’t do it if it hurts.
The Thang
COP
Main Event
Done
COT
Announcements:
Supple Moleskine:
Today’s workout was 95% a selection of flows from The Athlete’s Pocket Guide to Yoga, which YHC regularly uses (as does Swiss Miss). It’s pretty plug & play, really; you just string together flows based on the area you want to work on (e.g. leg flexibility or balance, etc), pick a devotional and a playlist, and boom. Instant Namaste. As we saw today, some, like the rolling ball thing, don’t work as well as others, but generally, the desired effect is achieved.
Well, our musical accompaniment was a little hit-or-miss. That was a countdown of the 66 Best Songs from Movies & TV from the Slacker app. Not sure how these were determined but some of the ones you missed after the workout included: Ghostbusters, Rainbow Connection (Muppets), Gangster’s Paradise, and It’s a Long Way to the Top. So, you decide whether we were counting down or up the list. Either way, next time, we’ll try something else.
Speaking of trying something else, a longer corpse pose was included at the end. How’d that go? Was it just right, too long, too short? Let me know.
A few observations:
This Saturday, YHC celebrates 4 years in F3 (and 12 years in Charlotte). It’s been a fantastic journey – all 3 Fs + the CSAUPs – and it’s a blessing to be counted among the pax. Looking forward to the coming years. Thank you for your friendship & support (& mumblechatter) and the opportunity to lead today.
Aye.
16 men gathered in a middle school parking lot at 5:30. I quickly took heat for my Jeep compared to Header’s. Mine is perfectly outfitted for the rugged roads of South Charlotte. Header is clearly compensating for something. What does that say about Tiger Rag’s Great Pumpkin? You decide. I delivered an adequate disclaimer, including a warning that we were going into Raintree where the pre-dawn drivers accelerate when they sense weakness, then off we went.
Yog out to 51, turn right to continue to the field at the entrance to Raintree. We fell right into the HOA’s trap for trespassing on that field when we slogged through a giant mud pit between the sidewalk and the field. I heard the usual groaning from the aging Area 51 crowd who doesn’t like to get dirty anymore. Quick warmup then over to the road that runs behind the Walmart (I’ll be using the names that I have in my head for the Raintree roads, not the real names that I’d have to look up).
Run down to the end (which Skywalker helpfully pointed out is not a cul-de-sac), stopping at each drive on the right for 10 HR merkins. Quick LBC recovery, healthy discussion of farting by Puddin’ Pop and Spackler, then run back the other way with 10 Jump Squats at each road.
Partner up in the strange Raintree shopping center (has anyone ever done business there? I don’t mean the kind of business that Joker does in Raintree, I mean has anyone spent money?). Partner one runs the staircase loop while partner 2 does an exercise. Flapjack. 4 laps each.
Mosey down to the road with the really big hill that has a golf course tee box on the left at the top of the hill. AYG down the hill to the bump, 20 monkey humpers, AYG back up. Freddie Mercury recovery.
Yog over to the hill on the way back to the school where we often do triple nickel. No time for that, partner 1 runs up while partner 2 does Peter Parker. Flapjack. The jog over to the stop sign where you turn right to go back to the school. Parker Peter. Run the terrible Fast Twitch Finish back to the starting place. Ugh. I saw a few guys who regretted their brisk starting pace and had to walk it out on Strawberry. There’s no shame in that. Finished with 5 solid minutes of Mary #MakeMaryGreatAgain.
Done. One of the worst count-offs I’ve ever seen. Also, no donuts.
Happy Birthday to Flutie Flakes who found no takers to do his 45 birthday burpees with him.
Donut Run – 6 miles of a painful hilly loop followed by competitive eating, hairy guys in flesh covered towels, and sweaty butt stains in the freshly cleaned Donut Shack lobby. I’m pretty sure the donuts cancel out the benefits of the run, and the other things are just a bonus negative. If you were to simply add a space to the “workout” name, you could call it “Do Not Run”. Following that advice, you’d probably reap similar benefits without the emotional scarring of seeing SemiNude Gloss traipsing around the parking lot in his wife’s bath towel.
Sounds bitter eh? Well, maybe I am. You see, last week was magical and I thought that Semi and I had a little something going. Nothing weird, you know, but a little #ISI and #firewood to keep us both honest. We actually finished the last 50 yards (emotionally) holding hands like Thelma and Louise. I can still smell the Axe spray and Two Buck Chuck pore seepage. I suppose sequels are usually letdowns, but this one was #jarjarbinks bad. I rolled in just on time at 5:13 (double deuce) all ready to go just to see Semi and his new thang Retread taking off and trying not to make eye contact. Seriously . . . five freaking thirteen? I thought about just going inside to suck the jelly out of a dozen or so, but they were not open yet. To cap it off, WingMan failed to show for the 2nd straight week after Slacking about it and Bushwood just straight up fartsacked.
Anyways . . . the run was about the same as always except I threw up in my mouth a little more than normal at the stretch between the Arboretum and Rea. That’s when TR came alongside to taunt encourage me and asked me if there were any other running workouts in A51 that he could post to. I was also passed by, let’s see, almost everyone else at some point during the run. Fantastic.
What else happened? This part is generally where Bushwood (who was not there because he was fartsacking) usually summarizes the donut shop conversations, flavored with his witty observations and confident-enough-to-wear-women’s-clothing-wearing panache. Since I left early, I’ll have to take my best guess.
Agony is considering replacing the his Summer Sermon Series with reruns of Reading Rainbow (in 4K). He ironically ran the whole route wearing a pair of Geordi La Forge glasses. Rumors are that he has never washed his camo pants and that they have actually posted a faster 10K time on their own than when he was wearing them.
Kirk looks like John Arbuckle. He was searching for Odie along the route, but came up empty handed. He ended up chasing Semi Gloss down with a two fistfuls of velcro and rode the last 1/3 of a mile back secretly attached to his back hair.
Hairball got his hairy dolphin tattoo replaced with one of Calvin peeing on something. He was too fast to for me to make it out completely.
Bunker looked bored during this A51 run without Honeybee and Haggis to chase after. I saw him reading the Simillarion by headlamp about halfway through, trying to understand one of Tolkien’s backblasts.
That’s about all for today.
toodles,
Horsehead
Construction greeted YHC in the M’s car when pulling into Stonecrest AMC. Luckily, as the corner was turned, Old Glory waved boldy and acted as a beacon as to where to park the kid hauler. Body shop assures YHC that the 4Runner will be ready today after a week at the shop and the 2nd bumper cover fitting. Men came running in from all directions it seemed. Group went from about 12 to 27 in 5 minutes. Nard Dog ran in with pre-run crew then bolted. Make it 26. Thorough disclaimer concisely given to the PAX. Off we go.
Thang
Half mile mosey out of the lot, across Elm, and down Elmstone to the park just past the creek. Turn into the parking lot. Circle up.
COP
SSH x 10 IC
IW x 10 IC
Mountain Climber x 10 IC-hold plank
Merkin x 10 IC-hold plank
Alternating Shoulder Taps x 10 IC
Plank Jack x 10-drop to low plank
Low Plank Jack x 10
Recover and continue mosey into the depths of the hood. Mosey past Big Rock Park, where my kids climbed and got dirty in the creek on Saturday. Good place to kill a few hours close to home. Back to the mosey. Brief stop at an intersection to regroup. Attempted to call Smurf Jacks to wait, traffic interrupted and we all got out of the way. Continue mosey all the way to Back Ridge Rd, appropriately named due to location. Way back there. YHC underestimated the total distance and proceeded to apologize to the men for the long run. All handled it well. Continue mosey to the cul-de-sac at the end. 15 driveways on the right side of the road.
Merkin Ladder
Start at driveway 1: 1 merkin. Driveway 2: 2 merkin. Continue to 15 at the corner. 120 merkins.
Plank series to wait on six.
Mosey back toward the park. Stop at one of the corners to get 26 together. SSH OYO to wait. Continue up Elmstone to the park where we did COP. Circle up.
Mary
Hold 6 inches. YHC learned that our crew included a few newer guys to F3. Took a moment to share the F3 mission. Plant, grow, and serve (Thanks Goonie) small workout groups for the invigoration of male community leadership. YHC left out the serve part. Goonie helped out.
Flutter x 10/Hold/Dolly x10/Hold/Windshield Washer x 10/Hold/Heels to Heaven. Recover.
Mosey out of the lot. Continue to the base of Murderhorn. AYG to Rosebriar.
AYG around Rosebriar with 20 merkin stop at each island.
Plank series at finish. Right arm forward/RLH/Swap/Elbows/RAH/RLH/Swap/Low plank/Alternating Leg Raises IC x 10.
Mosey back to the launch. 2 minutes of burpees to close. Several refuseniks here.
COT
Moleskin
Nasty head cold kept YHC out of work Monday and limited duty Tuesday. Strongly considered calling in a substi-Q. Decided to make a plan and see what happened. That is the beauty of working out with participant leaders. Knew that if I got #smoked all I had to do was say the word and another man would take over. Got to the business of planning and Google Earth took me way back to Back Ridge road. Estimated the distance to be about a mile. It was actually about 1.4.
House at the Back Ridge cul-de-sac flipped on porch light, turned it off, flipped it on again. Definitely wanted us to know something. Perhaps 26 men running in was alarming. Didn’t waste much time out front of the porch flickers. 120 merkins is tough. Thing is, the plan called for a return to the cul-de-sac with a second round with 4 burpees at each driveway for a total of 60. Audible called at this point. We were deep into the hood with 26 and at least one neighbor was sketched out. Swapped burpees out for some Mary. Garmin had us at 2.85. Pop Tart thought it was more like 4. Windshield Wipers are off the list, by the way.
Doc McStuffins and his beard were strong and fast this morning. Several had some left in the tank to crush the Murderhorn. Pop Tart, Goonie, Tuck, Madame T, Udder, Cheddar, Squid among them. Cable Guy, Squid, Fredo, Champagne looking tough throughout. This group pushed hard to get these miles and exercises. Strong work today men.
Family Ties and YHC share the same last name and place of birth, but no direct family relation. He moved away when he was about 3. Suspect his F3 name may reflect these facts. Solid work out there and good to meet you. Again. Keep on crushing it.
T-claps to Chopper (respect) and Fredo (respect) for completing the 30-day F3 free trial. Your first “bill” will arrive soon when you are encouraged to complete your first Q (VQ). Keep on crushing it men.
T-claps to Paper Jam for the takeout prayer. Thanks to Commish and Cheddar for the invite to lead.
Announcements
New 3F starts next week after The Maul. Tootie on Q.
Savage Race 05/13. Register HERE
30-day Pull-Up/Merkin Challenge. Tuck on Q
Cheddar and Champagne need runners for Smoky Mtn Relay and BRR
Richard Sheltra 5K/10K. Dumpster Fire on Q.
Let me Run needs coaches. More info, hit Champagne at bdbriggs@gmail.com
14 Fast Twitchers ran the (mostly flat) loop this week…
The Thang
Warmup run: Long way to Rising Meadow (via 51 and Raintree)
Triple nickel up hill to lightpost: Romanian Deadlifts and Squats
Mosey over to the Rounding Run loop: 4 rounds:
Mary interspersed throughout
Mosey back to Strawberry down to 2nd speedbump; Mary; AYG Sprint back to school
Mileage: 6.0
COT
Moleskine:
Announcements: None
Warm-Up
Run a lap around the school
Station drills #1
P1 & P2 Gloves & pads
P3 & P4 Gloves & pads
P5 Heavy bag
P6 Merkin & pull-ups
P7 Jump rope
2 min round, 35 second recovery
Cycle through the stations x 2
Station drills #2
P1 & P2 Sparring in the ring
P3 & P4 Gloves & pads
P5 & P6 Gloves & pads
P7 Timer/referee
Mary
Regular crunch x 10
Toe tap crunch x 10
LBC x 10
Pistol cruch R & L x 10
Side crunch R & L 10
Chippy cross x 10
Tale of the Tape
I have three Qs this week, so it with the perfect opportunity to bring back Fight Club to Fat Camp. Fight Club uses boxing gear and training for HIIT (High Intensity Interval Training). Believe me, after several rounds of throwing punches, you will have a new level of respect for boxers. It’s not easy! It’s a great way build strength and cardio without running.
Loogie “Shoulder Boulder” – What surgery? Dude was pummeling the mitts. Maybe the doctors replaced that shoulder with bionic parts. #cyborg
Kirby “Mickey” – Rocky’s trainer would be proud. Kirby knows his stuff and shares his knowledge to help teach the newbies and keep the vets focused.
Chipotle “The Champ” – The hardest punch, bar none.
Escobar “The Octopus” – Watch out for those long arms.
Patent Pending “Iron Hand” – After losing a padded mitt, insisted his partner punch is bare hands #loco
General “Jack Rabbit” – Fast feet is an understatement
Announcements
Providence Presby Church Wall Project – March 18
Merkin/Pull-up challenge starts today