A flute with no holes, is not a flute. A donut with no hole, is a Danish.

A flute with no holes, is not a flute. A donut with no hole, is a Danish.

16 men gathered in a middle school parking lot at 5:30. I quickly took heat for my Jeep compared to Header’s. Mine is perfectly outfitted for the rugged roads of South Charlotte. Header is clearly compensating for something. What does that say about Tiger Rag’s Great Pumpkin? You decide. I delivered an adequate disclaimer, including a warning that we were going into Raintree where the pre-dawn drivers accelerate when they sense weakness, then off we went.

Yog out to 51, turn right to continue to the field at the entrance to Raintree. We fell right into the HOA’s trap for trespassing on that field when we slogged through a giant mud pit between the sidewalk and the field. I heard the usual groaning from the aging Area 51 crowd who doesn’t like to get dirty anymore. Quick warmup then over to the road that runs behind the Walmart (I’ll be using the names that I have in my head for the Raintree roads, not the real names that I’d have to look up).

Run down to the end (which Skywalker helpfully pointed out is not a cul-de-sac), stopping at each drive on the right for 10 HR merkins. Quick LBC recovery, healthy discussion of farting by Puddin’ Pop and Spackler, then run back the other way with 10 Jump Squats at each road.

Partner up in the strange Raintree shopping center (has anyone ever done business there? I don’t mean the kind of business that Joker does in Raintree, I mean has anyone spent money?). Partner one runs the staircase loop while partner 2 does an exercise. Flapjack. 4 laps each.

Mosey down to the road with the really big hill that has a golf course tee box on the left at the top of the hill. AYG down the hill to the bump, 20 monkey humpers, AYG back up. Freddie Mercury recovery.

Yog over to the hill on the way back to the school where we often do triple nickel. No time for that, partner 1 runs up while partner 2 does Peter Parker. Flapjack. The jog over to the stop sign where you turn right to go back to the school. Parker Peter. Run the terrible Fast Twitch Finish back to the starting place. Ugh. I saw a few guys who regretted their brisk starting pace and had to walk it out on Strawberry. There’s no shame in that. Finished with 5 solid minutes of Mary #MakeMaryGreatAgain.

Done. One of the worst count-offs I’ve ever seen. Also, no donuts.

Happy Birthday to Flutie Flakes who found no takers to do his 45 birthday burpees with him.