5:13 is the new 5:15

5:13 is the new 5:15

Donut Run – 6 miles of a painful hilly loop followed by competitive eating, hairy guys in flesh covered towels, and sweaty butt stains in the freshly cleaned Donut Shack lobby.  I’m pretty sure the donuts cancel out the benefits of the run, and the other things are just a bonus negative.  If you were to simply add a space to the “workout” name, you could call it “Do Not Run”.  Following that advice,  you’d probably reap similar benefits without the emotional scarring of seeing SemiNude Gloss traipsing around the parking lot in his wife’s bath towel.

Sounds bitter eh?  Well, maybe I am.  You see, last week was magical and I thought that Semi and I had a little something going.  Nothing weird, you know, but a little #ISI and #firewood to keep us both honest.  We actually finished the last 50 yards (emotionally) holding hands like Thelma and Louise.  I can still smell the Axe spray and Two Buck Chuck pore seepage.  I suppose sequels are usually letdowns, but this one was #jarjarbinks bad.  I rolled in just on time at 5:13 (double deuce) all ready to go just to see Semi and his new thang Retread taking off and trying not to make eye contact.  Seriously . . . five freaking thirteen?  I thought about just going inside to suck the jelly out of a dozen or so, but they were not open yet.  To cap it off, WingMan failed to show for the 2nd straight week after Slacking about it and Bushwood just straight up fartsacked.

Anyways . . . the run was about the same as always except I threw up in my mouth a little more than normal at the stretch between the Arboretum and Rea.  That’s when TR came alongside to taunt encourage me and asked me if there were any other running workouts in A51 that he could post to.  I was also passed by, let’s see, almost everyone else at some point during the run.  Fantastic.

What else happened?  This part is generally where Bushwood (who was not there because he was fartsacking) usually summarizes the donut shop conversations, flavored with his witty observations and confident-enough-to-wear-women’s-clothing-wearing panache.  Since I left early, I’ll have to take my best guess.

Agony is considering replacing the his Summer Sermon Series with reruns of Reading Rainbow (in 4K).  He ironically ran the whole route wearing a pair of Geordi La Forge glasses.  Rumors are that he has never washed his camo pants and that they have actually posted a faster 10K time on their own than when he was wearing them.

Kirk looks like John Arbuckle.  He was searching for Odie along the route, but came up empty handed.   He ended up chasing Semi Gloss down with a two fistfuls of velcro and rode the last 1/3 of a mile back secretly attached to his back hair.

Hairball got his hairy dolphin tattoo replaced with one of Calvin peeing on something.   He was too fast to for me to make it out completely.

Bunker looked bored during this A51 run without Honeybee and Haggis to chase after.  I saw him reading the Simillarion by headlamp about halfway through, trying to understand one of Tolkien’s backblasts.

That’s about all for today.

toodles,

Horsehead