The Brave BB: We’re Gonna Need a Bigger DECK!

  • When:12/23/2016
  • QIC: JRR Tolkien
  • The PAX: JRR Tolkien, Thin Mint (#VT), Mario, Fire Hazard, Mighty Mite, Voodoo, Escobar, Fishwrap (Metro), Frack (UC), Transporter (UC), Doc McStuffins (UC), Astrovan (MECA), Longhanks (Fort), Geronimo (Fort), Pebbles, One Niner, Beaker, Turkey Leg, Failt Line, Alf, Fireman Ed, Poptart, Hairball, Udder, FNG Sunshine, Kirby, Soft Pretzel, Nard Dog, Flipper, Frasier, Goonie, Wild Turkey , Buckeye

The Brave BB: We’re Gonna Need a Bigger DECK!

Well, If YHC had one movie quote to describe The Brave workout Friday, it would be:

“We’re gonna need a BIGGER BOAT DECK!” – Movie JAWS …. (that’s what she said).


Thursday night, YHC didn’t get much sleep… WEIRD dream after WEIRD dream kept on popping into my head, with one of the stranger being a memory of YHC’s ancestors from China, who coincidentally had the same names as the pilots in the Asiana Flight 214 Crash last year… check this out: . Call YHC superstitious but this dream meant something… but what? Then a great beautiful cuddly and intelligent Panda appeared to Tolkien in the next dream to translate…. The Great Panda (we’ll call him “Po” #KungFuPanda) said, “Little Panda, if only 2 PAX show up to your Brave Q after all marketing efforts, the numbers will be ‘Wi Tu Lo’.  If Fireman Ed can’t get enough oxygen in the stairwell, he will fall down the stairs and you will hear many ‘Bang Ding Ow’.  If you don’t mark the course off with orange cones there may be ‘Sum Ting Wong‘, and if more than 30 PAX show you will be screaming ‘Ho Lee Fuk‘ in disbelief…

The next morning… 33, yes THIRTY-THREE men of F3 Nation from 7, yes SEVEN, different areas (SOB / A51 / Indian Land / Union County / The Fort / Metro / MECA) traveled down to Ballantyne for The Brave Muthaship Simulation Parking Deck AMRAP workout and and shirtless JRR Tolkien could be heard for miles screaming his great Uncle’s name at the top of his might “HO LEE FUK!!!“… just as the Great Panda had forewarned.  (Yes, YHC is an idiot… but please read on)

Honestly, YHC had no clue how many men would post to this kind of workout… a parking deck AMRAP with nothing but elevation, right before the holidays. But, YHC DID know, that whomever did post would serve themselves a self-inflicted beatdown and walk away a better man for it.  So whether it was to pay your respects to the Muthaship workout (R.I.P.) that died 6 months ago, because you came for the “Tolkien Pity Party” as Voodoo labeled it, were a Brave regular, or took the pre-blast ( ) to heart and wanted to prove to yourself your Mental Toughness level was high, it was great to have you this morning, and YHC truly appreciates your attendance and the support today.

One last thought… then on to the shenanigans. The Brave workout is designed to be THE toughest SOB workout, heck many claim it’s one of the Top 5 toughest workouts in all of F3 Nation, and you’ll hear no disagreement from YHC here. But what really makes a workout tough is not the AO, Q, region, etc. It’s your individual ability to push yourself to the limit when it’s that time… which requires, the theme for the week, MENTAL TOUGNESS.  Truth is, we all HAVE to be mentally tough to do F3. It starts with waking up a ~4:15am in the morning to deliberately work out in the rain & cold when 99% of everyone else on the East Coast is sleeping.  To be completely out of shape, and not give a $h!t that others may be obviously thinner, faster, or stronger, but to know that YOU will be like that person if you keep up the hard work.  To step up and lead other men first at a workout, then a site-Q, organize a coat drive, a road race to end addiction, collect hundreds of turkeys to hand out to the community, or raise money and collect toys for charity. Or in COT to humble yourself before GOD in front of other men, and pray that he will use us to do his good will. So the question of “How mentally tough are you?” was already answered in my mind be fore the workout even started… we men of F3 Nation are ALREADY MENTALLY TOUGH!


This time, we’ll run this SOLO

1) 5:15am START: 25  chest-to-ground burpees in Vine parking lot

2) Sprint to lowest level of Ballantyne Village Parking Deck : 40 Hip Slappers  (20 each side)

3) Run all levels up to top of deck alternating BACKWARDS RUN FIRST on first ramp, then FORWARDS RUN on next.

4) Down the staircase on the LEFT (farthest from Movies), and CLIMB DOWN & UP STAIRS 3X (210 steps = 12 flights) – use the OUTSIDE lane going UP, and INSIDE lane going down

5) At top of the deck: perform 5 BURPEES + CRAB WALK the straightaway + 5 BURPEES (head towards the stairwell closest to the movies)

6) Down the staircase on the LEFT (closest to Movies), and CLIMB DOWN & UP STAIRS 3X (210 steps = 12 flights) – use the OUTSIDE lane going UP, and INSIDE lane going down

7) Back down staircase to the bottom, run to the TOP of the grassy hill you initially ran down and start step #2 again. That’s 1 Lap… how many can you complete? #REPEATO #AMRAP #YOUvsYOU

8) 6:12am – stop wherever you are and head back to The Vine parking lot for COT, and Virtual Trophy Award presentation.


That’s a wrap! Everyone got in 4-5 laps of this behemoth which would amount to 100+ levels of stair climbing and backwards running. Then add in two of the most un-cheatable hardest exercises in crab-walks and elevated hip-slappers. VT# goes to Thin Mint with a close 2nd Fishwrap… although both are too modest to tell us who really won, and no-one else was in sight either. Most everyone got to cross each other on the course today, and while it was a lactic acid leg party, there was time for good fellowship and no-one was left behind.  A few musings:

  • Voodoo has too many vacation days around the holidays.  He has been silently taking smack talking level to a new high on Slack, not in person.  He didn’t have much to say during the workout though… come to think of it, Voodoo reminds me a lot of Smoky in the Holiday classic “Friday”… Listen to Voodoo here:
  • Who the heck named Escobar? Is it because he’s Colombian? That’s just inappropriate. It’d be like if we named the next Korean guy Kim-Jong-Un…WE SHOULD DEFINITELY NAME THE NEXT KOREAN GUY KIM-JONG-UN!!!
  • Was nice to meet Buckeye this morning. Dude has had two ACL reconstructions in the past year, but still did a thousand plus steps. Some were likely done with his arms though… dayumn, you seen those guns!!!
  • Site-Q’s Mario, Fire Hazard, and Thin Mint (#VT) were feeling downright giddy about 33 PAX at The Brave, which has to be some sort of a record. But then reality set in, and they decided they’d rather have 10 PAX or less if it meant YHC was never allowed to Q The Brave again.
  • Nard Dog and Soft Pretzel looked like they were Making America Great Again, since from across the top deck they looked like spitting images of the Trump/Pence tandem.  Nard Dog is a bond trader, and YHC has seen Soft Pretzel’s neighborhood, so both duos do have something in common…. $$$$$$$$
  • Wild Turkey looked especially determined out there today.  Determined to find a way to get the PAX at Stonehenge to do Leg Wrestling as one of the exercises #PAXmutiny #NOchance
  • Goonie wanted bear crawls substituted for crab walks so YHC would not be able to complete 2 laps.  Don’t hate brother, YHC will pick you for partner carries next time #moveoverMario Mad props to Goonie for having done a hotter version of this workout before & STILL showing up today.
  • Frasier ate something at coffeeteeria! We all witnessed it. Whether he regurgitated it when no one was looking is the question. Either way, if YHC could have an engine like that man, you can rename me the Bulimic-Breakfast-Barfer too.
  • Udder was pretty focused this morning… YHC thinks he was playing Pokémon Go! and was tracking down a Picachu in the stairwell, but YHC was mistaken it was just Fireman Ed’s plumbers crack showing (get it? peek-at-you? Never mind…
  • Longshanks and Geronimo represented The Fort well, crushing the Fort competition, coming in 1st and 2nd place for The Fort participants… Heck YHC got 1st in the Asian category (thank goodness Napster wasn’t here) #podium.  Thanks for making the trip fellas!
  • Astrovan’s first post was in SOB-land at YHC’s 1st Q at Stonehenge. Was great to have him come down all the way from MECA, but i guess if you want a F3 workout with the average age under 47 you need to driveway from The Tradition AO.
  • Ever hear the phrase “safety in numbers”? Well that’s the Union County guys… you never see just one of them at a time. Good thing Doc McStuffins, Transporter, or Frack didn’t need to drop a deuce this morning… all of them would have needed to Indian run to the CVS. Great having you work horses at The Brave.
  • Flipper‘s very first post was a callout of young padawan Mario on Slack last night over who would finish first on the AMRAP #respect. And Flipper backed up his talk if AMRAP stands for As Much Rest As Possible…. but it doesn’t. Looking forward to your Brave Q Flip.
  • Mighty Mite was seen rounding the ramps singing Guns & Roses “Sweet Child of Mine”, and another mystery song that he was going to bust out in karaoke nexy HDHH. If you want to talk to Mighty Mite, don’t talk… sing. It’s his love language apparently. #KaraokeChampion
  • My boi Fishwrap made the trek from Uptown to SOB-land to take back the strap from Fahvra from the McHorsey 10k, and take home the #VT from the day’s workout.  After being only 1 of 2 to complete 5+ laps, it was nearly mission accomplished except for the Girl Scout cookie he choked on… #ThinMint 
  • Squid made Poptart show up. He told me on Twitter. YHC would do what Squid tell me as well. What Squid probably didn’t tell Poptart was to cheat so badly that he would be on his 8th lap, when the leaders were on their 5th. SMH
  • Pebbles only posted to borrow YHC’s bubble machine, he ran the opposite direction in the parking deck, and left before COT… we may never see Pebbles again…. man YHC is gonna miss Pebbles that cheap bubble machine.
  • When YHC saw ALF actually show up in The Vine parking lot after saying he definitely would NOT be there (hates crab walks) YHC was shocked. But ALF doesn’t always mean what he says…. just like Champagne who HC’d and didn’t show.
  • One Niner‘s shoulder injury seems to be getting better since he powered through the crab-walks. Had we done bear-crawls we would not have been able to see how healthy his arm really was #questionableBearCrawlForm
  • The always vocal and aggressive Fault Line and Beaker were heard discussing after The Brave how pathetic it was that YHC would post at Fast Twitch to promote such a ridiculous workout. It was so out of character, YHC is convinced they were paid off by Tiger Rag to say that #feelingsNOThurt . Nevertheless great posting with you guys.
  • Kirby did not die….In fact, he actually showed great mental toughness to fight through the workout especially being sick. Thanks for coming brother, keep after it, and congrats on the 1st Q at FC Wednesday.
  • Turkey Leg descends from hills faster than anyone YHC has seen in F3.  Which is why there were NO descents today other than that short tiny unsafe grassy hill.
  • Hairball is the man… he will not be trolled. YHC is still in amazement over the beatdown he served YHC at Kiawah by about 1 minute, and will graduate from his terrible F3 nickname, a cat, to the one his M gave him and his margin of victory.. “The 1-Minute Man”.
  • FNG Sunshine traveled all the way from San Fransisco the night before to attend a F3 Nation workout with YHC. Sunshine is a bad@$$ triathlete who has done some crazy races like the ‘Escape From Alcatraz’ Triathlon and several marathons.  He “ran” his first Spartan Race with YHC and waited for YHC at near every obstacle. Held his own out there today, and even was quoted to say “had a few more rounds in me” after the workout. It must have been the Lulu Lemon Hot Yoga pants he wore in the 40 degree weather which gives you stamina. Welcome Sunshine!


Bunker said his vagina foot was swollen from three days of posting and also needed to shave it … his HEAD you sickos! YHC understands because one of those was a 45min boot camp, so his non-muscles were probably in total shock.  Since Bunker wasn’t there, naturally Tuck didn’t show #solidarity. There would have been excessive screeching, scratching, and slapping going on in the Mr. Bean vs Strawberry matchup, but neither could agree to the location of the showdown, Bean wanting it in his fartsack and Strawberry wanting it at a FIA AO.  After HC, Haggis decided he’d play Uncle Scrooge and said BAH HUMBUG! to The Brave despite living less than 800 meters from the parking deck. He was later seen doing derkins on the second floor of the Sara’s YMCA in his native kilt showing his ‘Stone Man Rocks’.  Goonie scared the $h!t out of the chatty Gump on Slack telling him The Brave was the toughest workouts he’s ever experienced, which caused Gump to skip town and impromptu vacation with the self-proclaimed “slow and chunky”, SOB Nantan, who works at a major accounting firm starting with P and ending in WC, who raises chickens & HATES AMRAPs, who is terrified of snakes, and who for privacy reasons will remain confidential and unnamed.  Anyone been to a famous wax museum lately? Dolphin was asked to post, and YHC thought he just might… but in the last minute committed to his go-to holiday workout, 12 Days of Christmas Eating. Another old fart, Frehley’s Comet, is normally a regular at The Brave, but thankfully he was not present today… after all… can you imagine what the stairwells would have smelled like had he been there #gaschamber #deadbodieseverywhere.


  • T-Claps to Fire Hazard for recommending PAX donate to The Wounded Warrior Project. If you would like to make a donation, please do so here:
  • Sign up for Joe Davis 5k/10k to end bad addiction. This race is in memory of Rock Thrill‘s brother, and over 150+ F3 Nation PAX will be in attendance. Run your first race, PR, or beat me in 10k and YHC will do 10 burpees for each of these #goodluck. Deadline for T-shirt extended so sign up now!
  • Convergences the next two Mondays… check the newsletter and/or schedule for more details, or pester Poptart about it.

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to you and your families. God Bless F3 Nation!  It’s been a great year getting to know ALL of you better and looking forward to a greater 2017.  If you would like YHC to Q a workout at your site, even if not SOB, hit me up! That will be a goal for 2017 to connect with more PAX across different regions.

Sound off with any omissions/corrections although the accuracy of this backlist should be spot on.

SYITG ~J.R.R. Tolkien

About the author

JRR Tolkien author

5 Comments so far

Mr. BeanPosted on1:55 pm - Dec 24, 2016

Absolute genius! Strawberry would never very show to a facedown with me and he knows it. I win

    JRR TolkienPosted on4:26 pm - Dec 24, 2016

    Mr. Bean – you realize you still get no credit for the workout just because you comment in the backblast right?

    Make sure your stocking is large and made of Kevlar… because coal isn’t light. Merry Christmas!

DaisyPosted on9:51 pm - Dec 24, 2016

Wow….best BB I’ve read in awhile. I’ll have to visit The Brave on day.

Mr. BeanPosted on11:39 am - Dec 26, 2016

Tolkien, I’m armed and ready.

You must be logged in to post a comment.