Eternal Shame

Eternal Shame

A bakers dozen of Quick Trip doughnuts posted at the top workout in A51 this Friday morn.  The following synopsis is based on events that actually occurred, however some names and other details may be changed for the sake of national security (and ratings, you know).

What We Did:

After a heartfelt disclaimer that nobody listened to, the pax were led for a leisurely-paced warmup run around the campus, finally gathering in front of the main entrance to the sanctuary for COP.

Partner up – pick someone with the same shoe size.

• P1 runs the loop towards the buses
• P2 runs the loop towards the drainage pond
• Meet in middle for 10 partner merkins
• Flapjack
• Repeat sequence with 10 Monkey Humpers, 20 LBCs, and 10 diamond merkins

Multifarious Group Fluttering

7s on the hill – burpees and LBCs

Mary led by Orange Whip and TR, who smoked the 7s (TR actually did the burpees)

Unpleasant reverse Bear Crawl and Crabwalk hill climbing work led by Donkey Kong, not 100% participation

Head to the practice field for some sprints

• Down and back, 5 LBC / 5 merkins / 5 squats
• Down and back twice, 10 / 10 / 10
• Down and back thrice, 15 / 15 / 15
• Down and back 4 times, 20 / 20 / 20

Run to the big rock in front of the HS and back

Planks

Run to the big rock again (was it obvious that this was a time killer?)

Planks

Circle up for some Heels to Heaven and Russian Twists with suspect form

6:14 Eternal Flame attempt

6:15 mutiny, rebellion, and outright refusal

Musings:

Arrived at 5:15 to scope out the site a bit.  Bulldog pulls up at 5:20, rolls out a pink yoga mat in the parking lot beside me and just starts looking at me.  I’m reaching out to Frasier and Mermaid for some assistance here, because I’m feeling confused and frustrated and I’m not sure what to do about it.

Speaking of Bulldog, last week he showed up with this giant bizarre speaker that he got at Bed Bath and Beyond with one of those 20% off coupons.  Well, I think he traded a homeless guy one of the coupons and a bottle of Night Train for the speaker, but anyways – he has this giant speaker thing now.  I thought that he was going to always have it, so I wouldn’t have to, but apparently there is some sort of reservation system in place that I did not follow procedurally.  Since he’s the last person in North America to still use an America Online email account (which is especially funny, because he ain’t from around here), I think we just got tripped up on some technological hurdles.  The end result was no speaker and the final crushing blow to any expectations that he would contribute to being a co site Q whatsoever.

So we’re standing there awkwardly looking at the Yoga mat with no giant speaker to break the ice, and TR rolls up in the Great Pumpkin blasting the Best of Taylor Hicks Soul Patrol at top volume.  I wanted to crawl in a hole, but #leadership and all so I stuck around.  He started trimming his beard with a cigarette lighter powered Flobee and calling himself Admiral Snackbar (from the straight to YouTube version of the Star Wars Hanukkah Special).  We just slowly walked away.  I think he’s still there.  His jeep was full of “King Trump” signs that he was planting up and down Highway 51, so I really have no idea what’s going on with the former Nantan these days.

Turkey Leg rolls up next.  Apparently he was out running with with the weirdos on Mt. HorseyMcFishClock on Monday and ran into Chester, who ironically was just trying to get his attention all summer so he could get a 2nd opinion on a “Chester Drawers” that he got a bum evaluation of on the Antiques Freakshow.  We used Bulldogs AOL webbrowser to search Craigslist for “Chester Drawers” and it is a real thing, but mostly in Gastonia and Monroe.  Finding one off of Sardis road is a rare bird.  I think the man has a point.  No wonder he doesn’t wear pants!

Now Turkey leg is all animated about this, and TR’s music is getting louder.  As a distraction, some of the guys started doing the Elaine Seinfield dance in the parking lot #sweetfancyMoses.  I tried it a little, but injured myself again.  It really is a full body dry heave set to music, but I couldn’t quite figure it out.  I will stick to my hands-in-pockets shuffle, thank you very much.

I think some strange things happened at the workout too.  I do remember giving up the Q at one point to Donkey Kong just to see what would happen.  He did not disappoint, immediately calling some weird thing that only like 3 guys did.  I was not one of them.  Good times.

Also, somebody wrote their name in farts on the pavement during the 7s.  That was borderline inappropriate.

Poor time management towards the end, turning on the Eternal Flame at 6:14 led to a violent mutiny at 6:15.  Maybe we need a couple of flame-free weeks to make it fun again.  Suggestion box is always open.

Thanks for keeping it weird.

HH